I am in US . I am getting my MBA . I met wonderful , kawai , sincere Japanese girl here . We fall in love and now living together . She is also in school . Her mom is very hostile and calls me gaychin (foreigner). I have noticed that she tries negatively influence my girl . I do love her and wanna get married and settle down as soon as I am done with my MBA . How can I change her mom’s attitude ?
2006-11-21 12:43:03 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We exchanged rings already. I am serious about her but still.
2006-11-21 12:58:54 · update #1
I am asian. Was living on my own and dating this European guy and decided to get married after 6 month of courtship. My mom took it really badly. I had my wedding anyway. She didn't show up at the wedding because my husband is not of the same religious faith. He also didn't make much effort to suck up to my mom at all. She ended up not talking to me for a whole year. That was the most miserable year of my life. Only after that year, my husband and I started to make some effort to build up that relationship with my mom and she has grown to love my husband till today - in spite of the differences in everything (race, religion and cultural background).
The truth is, every mom's (as I know now) are very protective of their daughters. And especially as an Asian, the approach initially could seem hostile. If you try to integrate yourself into her ways, given time, she will warm up to you and realize that you are trying hard to get her blessings. And at the same time, your girlfriend will love you more than ever. It is a very Asian thing to get a girl through their parents approval. By the way, calling you gaijin is definitely not deregotary. Every race has their own terms used to address a foreigner. It's just to identify a different race ;). So don't take it too hard. My husband has been called ang-moh for the past 15 years and he just laughs it off now. Really not a big deal.
One very important advise that I have to give you is, even though your girl is on your side all the time, try not to confuse her and put her in a position where she have to choose between you and her family. Either way, it will hurt her because she loves both sides. On your part, you will have to work a little harder for everyone to be happy. Especially, in this case, her mom. All the best.
2006-11-21 13:14:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand what you are going through. My husband is Korean and it took a long time for his mom to gain my trust. Her perception of me was developed through western movies and she told my husband that she was afraid that I was going to just leave him because that's "what American girls do."
I get the feeling that is what her mom is feeling. Many asians will feel that western men are just "fetished" about asian women and doggedly pursue them and use them and I lived in Korea and people were not nice to me either because I was a "waygookin" (foreigner).
Just continue to be warm to her mother. Invite the three of you out and maybe learn some Japanese and say it to her mom. Try to include her mom in activities (although it may not be very fun)....bring a small gift like tea or food. I believe this is good etiquette in asian countries. Just show that you are the good guy that you are. Sometimes asian parents just need to warm up to you a little, but bring a book to read because it may take awhile!
However, if she continues to be hostile despite your best efforts, in the long run you and your girl are both adults and don't need anyone's consent to be together. Hopefully your girl will follow her heart too. Good luck!
2006-11-21 21:19:59 · answer #2 · answered by Ms.Kimchi 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to gain trust. As an Asian, I could understand why her mom is quite hostile, it's because she doesn't want her girl to be hurt by you. She might have impression that foreigners just want to sleep around (for older age people, you got it, don't you?) The thing is you must show that out sincerely too. Moreover, she might want you to respect her too. You could talk to her a bit on the phone when your GF calls her mom. Just a little more often chat might help.
Good luck
2006-11-21 20:54:02 · answer #3 · answered by Sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Court her Mom too. Be good and kind to her. Don;t give up. When she sees you sincerely love her daughter, she will relent. Just keep trying.
2006-11-22 07:46:06 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give her Mom flowers every time you see your girl.
2006-11-21 20:48:33 · answer #5 · answered by Mark K 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋