Why won't he ask me to marry him?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 8 years. I keep dropping hints that I want to get married.Even his family tells him we should marry. He is a great guy But why does marriage scare him. Why can't he just be commitied to take that next step. of atleast living together?

Answer 1

you know the answer to your question. i can tell you that you guys have gotten so use to being with each other without marriage, so why do it. what difference will it make. this should have happen years ago. hey he has the best deal out of this because he can cut and run without the chains.

Answer 2

If you have been together 8 years it is doubtful that you will ever marry. He has it too good, like somebody said, his cake and eating it too. After you have been a relationship this long if you get married it probably wouldn't even be exciting, it might not even last because if a guy doesn't "really" want to be married, he will feel trapped if he did it just to please you and eventually it will come through. You could give him an ultimatum but if you're not willing to stick to your guns then don't bother.
My recommendation to you if you really want to be married then when you meet somebody else don't let it go along this long, if you aren't getting serious after at least a year you may never.
But on the other hand if you are happy with him like this it may be the best thing for you if he is really true to you but are you sure about this. I don't recommend living together either, not on any moral grounds, but you will have a worse time getting anybody to marry you once you live with them, then its really "why buy the cow when you're getting the milk free".

Answer 3

I was with my husband for 5.5 years before we got married. At the 4 yr mark I told him flat out that either we were engaged by the end of that year (which gave him 6 months) or I was moving on. Life is too short to waste like that. In our case he wanted to make more money and feel more secure financially first (which makes sense I admit) Could this be an issue for you guys? Plus even though you've been together 8 years you could still be pretty young (I had a friend with the same boyfriend from the time she was all of 10 yrs old til now...she's 24...they aren't married either) I think you should just tell him straight out that you need more of a commitment and if he isn't willing to give it to you then be prepared to leave.
Good luck! ;-)

Answer 4

I can only really answer from my own experience. I was with my G/F for 4 years and endless hints before I proposed because our financial situation was such that what I wanted to do was not feasable. I wanted everything to be perfect, get engaged, get married, move in all straight away. We argued constantly about it and I eventually realised that what was important to her was the commitment, not the proposal and subsequent actions. It mattered more to her that I was willing to commit. I eventually proposed at new years in Paris so I got my side too. We don't live together yet and are not married, but she's been so happy since that time will allow the rest. In short, try to show him what the commitment means to you, and that everything doesn't have to happen right away, cause he might be holding out for the perfect time, and may end up waiting too long.

Answer 5

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Now, some people live their whole lives together, and raise a family, without ever being married and it works for them. But, if that doesn't work for you then you need to get on down the road. Life ain't gettin' no longer... There's all kinds of legal ramifications, and benefits to being married. Take health insurance, for example.

As a single person, if you lose your job, there goes your health insurance. When you don't have insurance, thats the time your butt needs to go to the doctor. If you were married, and were on each other's health plan, you'd always be covered. No insurance company is gonna cover the shack-up situation.

I don't think anyone is scared of getting married. Either you want to, or you don't. Apparently he doesn't, and you have some thinking (and walking) to do!

Answer 6

There alot of reasons that this could be happening. It could be that he's not ready to commit. I mean, he may be thinking why tie himself down legally when you have been with him this long and been okay without the marriage part??
He could have strong views that it may not work and be scared of committment.
I suggest you sit down and talk to him. I watched an episode of "Friends" once and Phoebe really liked this guy and wanted to marry him. He said he could never ever get married because of something in his past. It's better to find out before you get too involved, put your life on hold in some areas thinking something could happen that won't. Good luck!

Answer 7

Has your boyfriend ever been married before?

I've been married two times and the weird-es thing that happens in the long run... I loose the interest in my sex drive That alone might be a good question as to why!.. lol
In all honesty when they were my g/f it was all good, Then when i said ''I do'' it seem like there went the excitement of making love or sex .. go figure?
Anyways that might be a thought of what your man might be facing? I know... ''God forbid''
Set all hints aside!! and face the truth by just asking why period!
Best of luck,

Answer 8

cuz he wants his cake and eat it too! MAybe he is just scared or maybe he's cheating on you. Does he know how serious you guys are? You don't even live together? You seriously need to talk to him. Tell him you arn't getting any younger and you wanna start a family ( if you do). Tell him you can't wait around you whole life for him and that it hurts you that you haven't even got engaged. Sit down and think if he is worth waitning around for. Good luck and hope you make the right choice *hug*

Answer 9

Be very aware that this is a serious red flag.

You may end up wishing you had never married him.

People know themselves. After 8 years he knows what he's doing. You've stayed too long at this fair - time to move on.

Answer 10

If he hasn't asked you in eight years, there's a good likelihood that he's not going to....at least not any time soon. He is obviously getting what he wants the way it is, so he sees no need to marry you. If it were me, I would sit him down and talk to him about your future together. Tell him exactly what you want, and expect for the future. Good Luck!!