My wife wants me to choose her over my mother which would not be a problem if the situation was reasonable. My mother hates my wife because she says she mentally abuses and controls me. My wife hates my mother because my mom (who knows for sure) I love both of them very much and they are both hurting me not each other. I know for a fact that my parents love me unconditionnally. My wife on the other hand always threatens to divorce me if she does not get her way. My wife says my parents are not welcome at our house and I may not visit them on holidays. The relationship I would have with my parents if it were up to my wife would be one monitored phone call per month. She sits right there questioning everything I say which ruins any conversation . My wife always brings up religion and vows stating I am supposed to pick my wife over my parents which I believe in, However I don't think it is right to completley disown my parents who have always been there for me just cuz she says so.
2006-11-21 10:28:15 · 13 answers · asked by Kevin S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
don't dump your mother, she has to understand that.
:> peace
.
2006-11-24 17:52:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been in this situation, but as the wife. I'm not sure how your parents treat your wife, but for me it was awful. They excluded me from family trips, and decisions, and made it openly aware to everyone they did not like me. Our problems stemmed from the fact that my husband and I did not produce a grandchild, which was blamed on me. Despite both of my in-laws working in and around medicine, they denied the fact that our problems were medical, even with dr. proof. I began to pull away, but never asked him to do so. I just could not stand the insults. I eventually asked for a divorce. Talk to your wife, and your mother, to see if this is a workable situation, if not, let the marriage go before things get out of hand.
2006-11-21 18:50:07 · answer #2 · answered by septemberdiva62 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just go see your parents! She most likely wont leave you if you go visit them. She doesn't have to go so what does she care. But when you go don't talk to much about your wife. Talk about you and what you have been doing at work or whatever, find out what has been going on with your parents, your Aunt Betty, and cousin Al. Go often. Not just on holidays. If she wants to start going with you after a while make her promise to be nice and make the first visits short, and or in a public setting. Like the movies, to dinner, or to a museum. Don't give up your family. Religion doesn't tell you to give up your family just because your wife wants to control you. It has to do with more serious reasons than jealousy.
2006-11-21 18:38:51 · answer #3 · answered by besitos2610 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bible also says to honor your father and mother, in fact its a commandment. Its strange that she threatens divorce when the we know that God doesn't like divorce. I am also married to a controlling person. Still my relationship with Christ comes before him. Leaving your parents and "cleaving" to your wife is biblical, therefore if you are not still living with your parents, you have been obedient. Being a part of their lives is a way of honoring them. Do not choose, even though your wife is pressuring you!
Please take a good long look at yourself, you are an awesome creation of God, you have gifts and talents that are unique to you. It sounds to me that much like my husband, your wife is trying to mold you into what she desires. Don't give in!!! I know exactly what it means to give in just to keep peace, but remember that every time you do, you lose a part of your spirit! Your wife loves herself much more than she loves you, and sounds like she needs to examine her own heart. Loving and being a good husband does not mean that you have to compromise your principles,to the contrary! Stand up for yourself, you are valuable. You may also want to tell your wife that God designed you to be the leader of the home, not the ruler, the leader. Marriage is all about compromise, but you cannot be the only one who compromises! Lastly, pray and really seek out a vibrant relationship with Christ, He is an awesome friend who speaks directly to your situation, through the bible, and also others. My life has changed so much because of his constant care of my soul! I pray for you as well. Next time your wife starts nagging, go to a quiet place, pray and if you've not yet invited Christ into your heart, do so. Ask him to come into your heart, forgive you, and then accept the free gift of salvation. As you pray ask for peace, you will receive it! I wish you the very best!
2006-11-21 19:41:57 · answer #4 · answered by love-jc1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kevin I have no Idea how long you have been married but I have been had close to 20 years of marriage between two . my first wife sounds a lot like yours , let me say this No one Not even one's wife is worth coming between one family. my parents did not like my first wife but they tolerated her, because of their love for me. If has been only a short time and there are no children , and none on the way, I would say get out of the relationship, for it sounds like repeated mental abuse . No one Mounted my phone calls to my parents (may they rest in peace) . Please do not let your self get hurt. get some counseling for you and your wife , and if that does not work then see a attorney.
2006-11-21 19:36:37 · answer #5 · answered by Littlebigdog 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You would be surprised how much that goes on today.
Daughter in laws can be a real pain if they choose to be.
You do not have to chose between your wife or mother.
You need to tell your wife if she does not want to be part of your moms family which includes you, she can dismiss herself from it. However your relationship with your mom will remain valid and secure as it always has been. Explain you love her and your love you mom like your mother and jealousy does not fit in here. Don't allow your wife to distance you from your Mom. You only have one and she won't be here forever. Love and respect her as you always have.
2006-11-21 19:33:05 · answer #6 · answered by Lore 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are supposed to take your wife over your mother. But both of them are WRONG. You need to have the back bone and tell your wife and your mother to knock it off.
By the way I doubt either of them are going to change so I'd divorce the wife and tell your mother to still back off.
2006-11-21 18:40:17 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your wife is too much. You have to strike a balance between your love and attention for your wife and mom. It the balance tilts either way, it is bad for the marriage. Neither be too much of a mama's boy or too much of a henpecked husband. Go the middle path.
2006-11-22 07:06:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just hope that your wife understands that it is not a contest between her and your parents,you are in the right track respecting your parents and keeping in touch,she has to understand that you will not be in this world with out you parents. Pray for her so she understand.
2006-11-21 18:41:47 · answer #9 · answered by zcliffton 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sugar coating the situation? If not, you wife is very controlling. I would suggest talking to her about it, if you have, maybe see a martial counselor. My husband and I saw one before we got married, like pre-martial counseling. It helped a lot.
2006-11-21 18:46:00 · answer #10 · answered by SavvyGrl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think your wife has problems.do you make her feellike that with her parents? maybe you should try it and make her see what your feeling. if that doesn't work just tell her you are not picking her over your mother or vice versa,and if she wants to act like that you will not take it and thats that.
2006-11-21 18:36:17 · answer #11 · answered by juicy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋