Cheating? How long is enough?

Question

My partner cheated on me 3 months ago......everything is going along ok. But because we do not yet live together, Its causing a problem for me....because he is out most nights for business....I realise how that might sound, but he hasnt given me any reason to belive he is not, he always rings, and I know excatly where he is and how to contact him etc.
For the most of it im ok, its just sometimes, it raises its ugly head again, and turns me into a mental case,I dont know what to do, he is trying so hard, and I know if I continue this behaviour I will loose him.

We've been together for 2 years, ( both have children from previous marriages).....I know he hasnt cheated again, and like I said im usually ok, and then sometihimg will trigger the horrible feelings again, and i turn into this cold person.....i guess its hard to explain..

We've been together for 2 years, ( both have children from previous marriages).....I know he hasnt cheated again, and like I said im usually ok, and then sometihimg will trigger the horrible feelings again, and i turn into this cold person.....i guess its hard to explain..

Whopps sorry bout that double post!

Answer 1

once is enough for a wise man. ;)

Answer 2

Two years is a long-term investment in a relationship, isn't it? Ask yourself what your goal will be in the next 5 years and does it include this guy? If the answer is yes, then I would say you two need to have a serious talk about your future together. Perhaps make an official engagement. That would probably bring you a great deal of peace of mind. However, if the answer is "maybe" or "no", just let things ride or find yourself a couple of other male companions to date. Dating doens't mean you're comitted to that person. I suppose your bf thought he wasn't engaged or married, therefore he could sleep with whomever he wanted. I have to say, dear, I do agree with that. By the same token, you're not bound either. If you both agree to take a closer step toward marriage that makes it a little different. But a dating partner should have the right to come and go as they so choose. It's nice to know that you're not living together with kids without some sort of comittment. You're a wise woman. Godloveya.

Answer 3

well , the truth is , that once a person in a relationship cheats, it changes the whole dinamic. The trust you had in each other is gone . First of all , the most common denominator is , if he cheated once , he´s most likely to do it again , and even if he doesn´t , how will you know? that will always be in your head , because after that , you don´t feel like yo can trust him anymore. He has to realize that he screwed up big time , and that your present behaviour is a consequence of it , you´re entitled to feel that way. If you really love him , and you feel like no matter what , the relationship still has a future , talk to him , and try to work through it together to make things right again , it will take time to build up , and get to that place in the relationship where you can feel safe , but if he loves you as much as he says , he will understand. Good luck

Answer 4

Your behavior is normal...he is going to have to work at it more than you, after all, HE is the one who did the wrong doing so you should not be feeling guilty for the way you are feeling AT ALL. It is going to require patience on his part and understanding (isn't this what you did by giving him a second chance?) and if he is not willing to do this for you then he is not the one for you. Three months is a very short period of time to get over what he did to you. Don't second guess yourself, that is the mistake that most woman do and end up getting hurt over and over again. Let him keep trying to make things better and regain your trust and do not feel sorry for him. He was not very sorry when he was cheating on you. Please dont get me wrong, it is not about getting revenge but yes, it is about making it very clear that respect to you is important in this relationship, he crossed those bounderies, so do not be hard on yourself for what you are feeling right now. He is lucky he did not loose you.
Good luck.

Answer 5

Personally I don't think I could ever get over someone cheating on me. But everyones different, so first off you two need to work on this and put it to rest, my advise is to sit and talk it over. No fighting, just a conversation where you talk about your feelings and agree to let each other speak their mind to let it all out. Its ok to feel hurt by this as it was a huge breach of your trust, but if you want to stay together you'd better work the trust issues out or it will fail and it will fail painfully. You might even benefit from speaking with a marriage or couple councellor on this, but thats a personal thing, so start with each other and go from there!

Answer 6

You're better off letting him go. Cheaters are repeat offenders, and you have every right not to trust him. This mistrust is normal, and probably won't ever go away. If you're ok with feeling this way for the rest of your relationship, then stick with it, but if not, then it's time to move on. You deserve someone who would never stray. Do yourself a favor and get rid of him, or risk him cheating again. As the saying goes "fool me once shame on me, fool me twice, shame on you" Good luck

Answer 7

Look, if you dealt with the fact that he cheated on you, the least he can deal with is you becoming a basket case every now and again because of it. You're hurting inside and you want to protect yourself from feeling that hurt again. He's simply going to have to put up with it until you can finally get over it. But, the truth is that you never truly will. You will always remember. Trust takes years to build up and seconds to break down.

Answer 8

How long have you been with him? Is he really worth the anguish. I have been happily married for 8 years, and together for 12 years, I have not ever cheated on him and he has never cheated on me, so there are good guys out there!! As far as I am concerned, once a cheat, always a cheat. You will always have mistrust for him now, no matter how long. There will always be the "????" in the back of your mind

Answer 9

I am sorry, but move on! Get him out of your life and healed emotionally and give your self time before you get into another relationship. Basically, if he is involed with you and still have to see and have sex wth others, He is still shopping! You have may yourself available for him and he likes that and taking a big advantage over that! He getting his pies and cakes and eating it too! Get your respect back and don't make availability for him to be easy. He may his decisions and chose what he wanted. Why must it have to be all about him anyway in the relationship. it is supposed to be all about US! relationship! He is going to do this always! Because you have no respect for yourself by allowing him to do this to you! You deserve the best in your relationship and not last! There is a man who would love you and worhsip the floor you walk on, Find him! He is waiting for a woman who is ready to be in a faithful relationship, This guy you have being seeing is worthless to your time, your friendship and devotion of love to him! This is not how a relationship is suppose to be like! You take care of yourself.

Answer 10

People make mistakes, and deserve to be forgiven - once.
You should tell him that, and you should tell him that you're having these feelings.
It's natural to feel this way, from just the fear of it happening again.
But you have to decide if you feel this way because there's actually fishy things happening that you have doubts about, or if it's just your own fear.
It would be tough to trust someone with a job like that, who has already cheated once.

Answer 11

Trust takes time and effort to develop. Some can never get past the first betrayal. Only you can determine if you can give the person another chance. If so, patience will be needed as well as your partner's efforts to inspire and bolster your feeling of comfort. I wish you well.