What is the quickest way to gut a domestic deer?

Question

I was driving home last night down the side roads because the traffic was at a stand still. I got slightly lost because it was dark and I ended up in some national park type setting and hit a deer.

I didn't want to get caught so I tied it to the roof of my citroen bx car - white 1.58 enginer - and drove home. It sure was a mess to clean up but I eventually hosed most of the guts and brain mass off of the screen.

However after this I am now left with a deer in my garage. I have hung it up to the main support to drain the blood but now Im pondering what's the best to get the meat off of the carcass and then who to give it too?

Has anyone got any good suggestions of what to do with a ton of deer? without arousing susipicion?

I thought maybe be protein shakes handed out at nearby slim fast meetings?

Or possibly a smoothie?

If this goes well are there any suggestions where I could find a safari park and really make a banquet fit for a king?

Answer 1

Sounds like you have started well, You will need the right tools....i.e a sharp knife, Leave the animal hanging to begin and slice down the undercarriage, remove any entrails.... now slice into the lower epidermis, near to the fat and remove the skin.... you could make a good rug out of this? Now i would suggest you look up cuts of meat, if you have Hugh Fernley Whittingstall book this would be helpful, as it has all the photos....failing this I would suggest the local butcher wold do it for you....and offer him some of the produce....

Answer 2

If you are serious (not sure if u are kidding or not?), then it is important that you gut it as soon as possible, you need to get the insides out straight away or the meat will be ruined.

Hang the deer (head down) by shoving a metal rod between the bones and tendons of the back legs, about 6 inches or so from the hooves.

Get a very sharp knife, a chainmail glove (or you'll end up eating fingers too), and large bin for all the waste, and a good saw for sawing through bone.

Leave the meat to mature for a few days before you skin it.

To skin it, use a very sharp knife and a chainmail glove, carefully cut the skin all the way round the leg, be careful not to cut the tendon or it will fall down. Pull at the skin until it starts to peel away, keep pulling at it (this can be pretty tough) until you get down over the haunches, gently using the kinfe to seperate the hide from the meat if it starts to pull away bits of the meat. (You need to gently slice through the white stuff as you go). When you get all the way down to the head it is easier just to saw through the neck at the base of the skull. Discard the head & skin.

Getting all the meat off is quite a complicated process and difficult to explain. the big chunks of meat on the 'thighs', don't bother with the meat on the lower parts of the legs, its too full of gristle to be any use get the fillets down either side of the spine, by cutting all the way down the spine in a L shape, the fillet comes off like a long recangle of meat. (To get the meat off the back thighs you need to saw through them while the deer is still hanging, from tail straight down to seperate the legs) Get the inner fillets - they are the best bit, and all the meat from the shoulders etc - as long as you keep the knife flush with the bone, and use long strokes of the knife to peel the flesh from the bone, you should get most of it. Dice the bits that won't come off all in one. Try to keep the haunches whole, and remove the bone - this is tricky, but you need to poke the knife all the way through, seperating the meat from the bone, then twist it round a few times and pull it through. This bit is great for roasting.

Stick it all in the freezer, use the diced bits for casseroles etc, the haunches for roasting, or slice them into steaks. The fillets are the most tender part and are worth cooking with care.

Enjoy! And by the way - this is hard work and will probable take you about 3 hours or so!

Answer 3

Cut off the head.Turn the carcass upside down saw the breastbone in half then run a knife from the navel to the neck on going in about 3 cm being careful not to burst the gut.After this the intestines and stomach should just pull out.Skinning without the necessary equipment will be laborious but it shouldn't really matter as there should be plenty of meat left over.Happy butchering.

Answer 4

1000 s of deer get hit on roadways every year even in parks. all you had to do was call nearby natural resource's they would have cleaned up the mess. if the deer made that much mess on your car probably not much good to eat. you also in more trouble now than if you just left it on the road. you best bet its to put in your freezer and make a coat out of the hide.

Answer 5

Burn the carcass, wash the remains in the washing machine and dispose of them bit by bit in the household rubbish.

Alternatively, trim the meat off of the carcass with a good fillet knife and eat the bugg*r. Bones can be ground up and flushed, offal can be dumped.

Maybe bury the sod in the woods.

Answer 6

Sounds like you already gutted it with the car.

Butchering it is best left to a butcher such as myself.
pop it round to my house and I`ll sort it out for you...for a percentage...

I know a back way into the West Midland Safari Park as I used to live only half a mile away.....

Answer 7

Wow. You might want to consider offering your car to Citroen for use in its ads. Not many cars could hit an adult domestic deer and survive with an intact windscreen, bonnet, front end etc.
Is it a magic car?

Answer 8

Huh. You shoulda just whacked a back leg off the carcass. And maybe some backstrap. It would have saved you a lotta trouble.

Answer 9

If you didn't gut it pretty quickly toxins from the stomok can ruin the meat , best to find a good butcher

Answer 10

Yer O.K, pal as we say in the U.K. pull the other one. Have you been on the wacky baccy or the magic juice? There is a story about a guy who takes a road kill deer home and feeds it to his kids, they pester him to tell them what they are eating, he answers "It's what mummy calls me!" The oldest kid shouts out "don't eat it its either prick or asshole" not you is it?