Low female sex drive...need advice!?

Question

I have been married for over ten years. My husband is really cute and would be happy with sex every night. Me on the other hand , I am perfectly content for once a month.
We have three kids ages 8,6 and three. I work full time retail hours, and I do almost all of the running around that keeps a house running.

I feel sexy but not sexual. Anyone out there that has been through this?

Answer 1

Men equate sex with intimacy and generally men have about a 72 hour sex cycle. While it may seem like he wants sex every night, he may be fine every other or every third or something less as long as there is a relatively regular interval.

When you have sex be sure to engage - don't just lay there, in my opinion, laying there is worse than not doing it all.

Also remember that your husband chose you to be the only person he ever has sex with. He is counting on you - you may need to schedule it just like anything else.

I hope my perspective is helpful to you.

Answer 2

Hi,

I get this sometimes. But then when we go on holiday and have proper quality time together my dive goes up by 300%.

I think if you're like me a) you're physically exhausted b) I can only really get in the mood once I've relaxed and got all my worries off my chest. Then I get a new lease of energy. If you're as busy as you sound like you are. You might find that making more time for you to spend away from work and kids together to talk about non-sexual things you might find that you're more in the mood.

The other thing is that trying to fit in a quickie at night when you know you have to get up can be a real dampener. Why don't you get someone to have the kids over to stay at their house so that you and your husband can have an evening together where you know you don't have to rush to get up the next day or you could book a night at a local hotel.

Sometimes, eventually it passes after a few months on it own and then I go through a randy phase again.

Another idea - is to each turn up at bar separately and pretend that you don't know each other and then flirt all night and retire to a hotel afterwards.

Answer 3

Ask yourself this. are you too tired? bored? or simply not interested anymore? one can lead to the other. You have to take time out of your busy life for you hun. A lot of men think women are like they are and can simply switch on. I am not suggesting that your husband is an inconsiderate lover, but perhaps more gentle pursuasion and catering to some of your personal fantasies may help.the largest sexual organ is the mind. thoughts about scenario's with others arnt cheeting and can often lead to deep desire for loveplay. Get someone to take the kids for you once a month spend time together just like you both once did before the kids, finaly go see your family doctor and explain there may be a physiological or even a physical reason. The worst thing to do is worry about it, perhaps game play or roll play may add another dimention. when my partner was begining to find lovemaking a chore, I bought her books with stories about sexual encounters. my god did it work she would go to bed first and read a few and sometimes even shout down for me to go up. when i got there she was very wet and definately ready to make love almost imediately. it was all i could do to slow her down. As a further point of interest my sister found that the problem she was suffering was because of her diet. may be something else to look at. good luck in your endeavours you are a wonderful careing women to approach this for the sake of your hubby, a lot of women ignore it then wonder why teir man strays.

Answer 4

omg yes, & I didn't even have kids!

There are a couple factors @ work here -

1 - you are super busy & could have effects of stress
2 - "I do almost all of the running around that keeps a house running." This is not attractive to you, or you wouldn't have mentioned it. This is huge, bigger than you or he realizes. You would not believe how hot I got watching my man do dishes. I know it sounds weird, but it has to do with love & sharing & commitment to another's needs. Men's needs are easy - sorry guys, but they are. We need more, it's just the way it is.
At some point, you are going to have to talk to him about it - and mention the workload issue. See if he can help out for a day as an aphrodisiac. See where that takes you. It's worth it. Sex is important for bonding & intimacy & closeness - we all need it. Don't let it become an issue.
You go girl! Get your groove on!

Answer 5

Its perfectly normal to not have a high sex drive..i would prefer once a month too but if i want to keep my husband around and happy i give it up just a few times more when it seems like he really wants it...cuz if u only do once a month im sure he might find it somewhere else cuz guys cant control there hormones like us. They penis have a mind of its own and the penis is gonna take him out one night looking for some female willing to give it up..even tho u dont want to maybe just to keep ur husband happy just give him some maybe 3 times a month..u dont even have to actually enjoy it..its okay to fake it sometimes as long as he dont kno : )

Answer 6

You say "Me , I , I do all " . Seeing you use these kind of words shows that you are not part of the team that you and your husband started. Marriage is a team event.
It would be certain if you place your husband in the same place of concern that you place your job, running around, that you would not have to run around all the time.
As you husband sees this he looks at it as well she's doing it all she does not like my help.
I would bet if you would put as much effort into being sexual for him as you do in all the " I " things would. your out look would be different.
90% of sex is in the largest sex organ your brain.
The kid excuse is the oldest and the poorest of all kids need to be taught that mom and dad need time for their "special" Give kids credit I did with mine they grew up to know that mom and dad were like boy friend and girl friend too.
You can listen to all the experts to you, you need to find your sexual side again, I say to just do it and nature will take over. marriage is work so work with it!!

Answer 7

I have totally been there. it hit after I had our two kids...you are too busy for sex, much less the time it takes to get in the mood. my motto was, "fake it to make it" seriously, to keep the peace, sometimes you just gotta give it up. sucks but true. anyway, I started reading erotica (fancy name for written porn) and having a glass of wine with my bath and that does the trick sometimes. It gets better though, I think it has a lot to do with stress and hormones, so get AWAY from the house and kids by yourselves and pretend to be normal adults for awhile and the spark will come back

Answer 8

Relax more. If you're too stressed, the sex drive lowers. Eat well. Exercise more. Good health = good sex drive. If you have any other symptoms, you should consult your doctor.

And never underestimate the art of faking it. Don't bother to fake your own o, but sometimes if you pretend you're in the mood, it convinces yourself.

Answer 9

Schedule date night, where the kids are with other family. Spice it up a bit. Maybe rent a porno. By some chocolate and whip cream. Get freaky. My guess is when you do this, you'll be wetter than the streets of New Orleans in the middle of Hurricane Katrina. Oh, and don't forget that anal is always good.

Answer 10

well maybe if you work less and have him do some of the running around maybe that would help. and if he comes home late one night why dont u send the kids with a baby sitter. make a fancy dinner and have a great night.