my husbands exwife trys to control him by using their 7yr old son as bait to get what she wants.She is jealous that we are married and i have a good relationship with their son.she has made it very clear she wants me to stay out off her sons life.Here are a few examples if my husband can not watch him she is to be called to come and get him i am not allowed to watch him.i am not allowed to have any contact with his school and the list goes on.i have never tryed to "play mom" with her son or said anything bad about her in front of him.my husband allows all this to go on as he says he can't control what she does but he will not even confront her about any of this stuff as he knows she will attack him.So we just allow her to say and do what ever she wants.I think he should stand up to her but he will not in fear it will hurt his son.should i just let this go and just not be involved in his sons life as this seems to really bother his ex wife.
2006-11-21 08:44:34 · 17 answers · asked by janegreener08 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How can you not be involved, as you are married to his father? He needs to step up, be a man, and have a discussion with his ex-wife. You don't have to like each other, but you do share a child between households. You are the child's stepmother. The person that will pay the price for all this silliness is the little boy. The adults involved should be adults, and do what's best for the child. Have a serious conversation with your husband about it. This will only get worse, unless it's addressed now. good luck.
2006-11-21 08:50:37 · answer #1 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Were you the reason for the breakup? If so, she will never forgive you and will make your life hell, and I don't blame her. If not, you really have to swallow your pride and try to become friends with the ex. Call her up and ask her opinion about something to do with the son. Tell her what a great mother you think she is, what a nice boy she has raised, etc. Your poor husband is caught in the middle and he is afraid that if he speaks up, she won't let him see his son. So it is up to you to woo the ex so that she doesn't resent you so much. When you are with the boy, always compliment his mother somehow so that it gets back to her. If none of this works, hang in there and hope things get better as the boy gets older or the ex finds someone else. Just remember that your husband has to put his son first, and rightly so -- when you marry a man with children, you are not going to be his first priority.
2006-11-21 08:58:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anniesgran 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband's ex wife should not be bad-mouthing you and you have every right to feel upset about it. However, I can understand your husband's dilemma. It sounds like he doesn't want to make matters worse by fighting with her (which is probably what she wants). If he fights back with her, it gives her leverage to use against both of you in regards to the son. Your husband is trying to be the better person....I know it's hard on you, but try not to get so upset when the ex wife says things about you...you're only giving her what she wants, and that is a reaction. Goodluck to you.
2016-05-22 09:45:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband needs to contact his attorney for his rights of visitations with his own child, or fight full or partial custody of his child. You are married to your husband, you are his wife, and the ex must recongized that fact! Being in a blended family can be rewarding and difficult! Your husband and ex have not resolved thier issues, they need to forgive each other and become friends for the sake of the child. Divorce hurts kids! Be a friend to a child with mature nature, and yes you can love that child too! Always let the child call you by your name, not mom. He already has a mom, but you can give him a stable environment being a mother role model to the child. Never talk about the ex in front of the child negative, and it will help not to nag at your husband negavtively about his exwife. After all it is out of his control. He needs you be positive, sweet to him and to exwife no matter what. Sweetness and happy people have a magnetism to them that is contageous that the exwife might back off. She knows how to push your buttons, so change your behavior to the positive and more maturity that she will see that the child is safe, happy and stable in your home environment.
2006-11-21 09:07:14 · answer #4 · answered by ourjacobdavid 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is not his ex-wife's keeper. He can have a say in how she deals with their son but not how she deals with you.
I feel it is up to you to talk to the ex-wife. She obviously has insecurities about your relationship with her son and possibly her ex. Don't put your husband in the middle of the issue. It is not up to him to control her behavior.
Maybe you can get together with her and express your feelings. Ask her to explain why she is not comfortable with you supervising her son without your husband being present. Maybe tell her putting her young son in the middle of a matter that is between adults could be detrimental to him. Maybe tell her you are not trying to take her place as mom. Maybe tell her that if her son is living or staying with you that there is some responsibility on your part. You don't feel ignoring him is the best approach.
If she cannot see the light you may have to not be involved. If that stops her from using him for her own means then that is probably the best thing to do.
Good Luck
2006-11-21 09:06:25 · answer #5 · answered by Donna S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You DO have a right to be irritated but I think that if you took it any farther it could come out very ugly. I myself am a stepmom to a stepson who has been mainly controlled by the ex-wife. The only time my husband ever stepped in was when his son disrespected me as he should have. Your husband can do nothing about what his ex has to say about you. When marrying someone who has already been divorced there is a lot of extra baggage that comes along with it. Just knowing that his ex is ticked off that he has married you should give you a little twinge of superiority because thats just it...she is TICKED OFF and can do NOTHING about it! Don't alienate your stepson though, if you have a good relationship with him, be the bigger person and be there when he needs you.
2006-11-21 09:23:52 · answer #6 · answered by Miloree 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i understand the frustration... however if you are not trying to play mom why do you need any contact with his school? You need to pick what actually is a valid annoyance. I think it's goofy she will not let you be alone with the child. I understand that would piss me off to. However the school or other stuff you don't have a right or reason to be that involved. You and your husband just need to try to reason with the child's mom you have many YEARS left of having to deal with her it's best not to try to step on her toes you don't want to hurt the relationship between father and son that is what's most important not your feelings when you pick a MAN who has a child these things are to be expected.
2006-11-21 08:58:06 · answer #7 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1.First of all she is obviously Jellous about you being able to get along with her son since she thinks she will become "the bad one" since she has to discipline him and feels he will prefer you over her, i believe this is because she is insecure and feels that she has already lost her husband, by cause of her own doings or not is irrelevant and she thinks she will lose her son (the only person she thinks still loves her) to you, in that context you should i believe take a step back since she may be feeling antagonized.
2.You should understand the fact that being his son too he wants to be a part of his upbringing and is may be pandering to this bad behavior Because he feels he may be denied rights to meet with him.
3 I believe you should talk to your husband saying that this concerns you very much and that though you would love to play a part in his sons life you are taking a step back since you love him and know how much his relationship with his son Meanes to him. However if at any time as and when his ex is more secure and calm you are willing to do all you can to help in any way
this will get to her as well and since she thinks of you as someone on the other side of the border don't try to talk to her yet since she is still hurting and feels like she failed in her first marriage and still doesn't know where she is headed. i appreciate that you are in a tough spot but the important thing is to be able to come out on top without loosing dignity or hurting anyone. all the best and I'm sure you are mature and able to handel this like a true lady. all the very best in your marriage.
2006-11-21 09:13:55 · answer #8 · answered by Judith h 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is pathetic she is just jealous because you have her ex-husband. She is trying to control because she wants to make your life a livng hell. You have to tell the husband to stand up to his ex that you being bossed around is crap you are this kids step-mom and have as much right to be involved in his life as she does she has no right to say who the kid can be around or not you are his dads wife and if you in the the care of him when dad
has visitation rights then so be it. Have your hubby speak to his attorney on all this stuff he may able to clarify some of this crap.
God Bless and Good Luck.
2006-11-21 08:59:54 · answer #9 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your name Mrs. Doormat? You seem to be married to Mr. Mat. Your husband probably needs to see a doctor to find out about a backbone transplant. His son IS his son. He has just as much to say about things in his son's life as his mother. You should give some thought to IF you want to stay with a guy lacking the gumption to stand up for himself, not to mention standing up for you.
2006-11-21 09:42:39 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋