My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years and I have caught him 5 times talking to other women on the internet. One of the times he was sending a picture of his private part to them and trying to set up a date so she could give him a *$@!-Job. Another time he was trying to set up dates with girls around the area. He keeps promising me that he will never do it again. The last two times that I caught him was when I was 7 months pregnant with our 2nd son, and then again 1 month after he was born; he is now 2 months old. He swears he loves me, and I know that he does, but then why does he keep doing it? I am not even going to bother to try to see if he is doing it agian cause I am tired of it. Plus, he rarely wants to have sex with me. I have to beg him for a straight week before he actually does. I am not fat or "ugly" or anything, I have no stretch marks on my stomache and am a good wife to him. Someone please tell me what you think. I have chosen to stay and deal with it, but maybe I shouldn't...but I love him so much.
2006-11-21 08:13:11 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh my goodness. This is emotional abuse, you know that, right!?! The first thing that you do is recognize that HE has a problem...YOU are NOT the problem. There is nothing wrong with you, so don't start doing the self blame thing thinking you're not good enough. Then, make him admit that he has a problem and make him tell you the REAL reasons why he is doing this. Does he has some freakish fantasy he's trying to make true, but is afraid to tell you? I personally would set him up by checking out which sites he's spending time on, going on there myself as someone else and seeing exactly how far he's willing to take things. Then, set a date up and when he meets you there, you can hand him the divorce papers! This is the thing, you have already taught him that his behavior is acceptable. He knows now that if he gets caught doing it, the worst thing that will happen is an argument. It's just not fair. He is only thinking about himself. And, you have to be careful with these types of things because perhaps if he's permitted from performing these types of acts online, he may begin searching for prostitutes or going to cathouses to fulfill certain fantasies. He has no respect for you. Take it from me, I have been in a seriously abusive relationship for a long time. I am just now getting up the courage to leave and it hurts like hell 'cause I love him like hell. But, we as women need to realize that we are worth so much more. There is a man out there who is willing to treat you much better and sexually please you whenever you'd like. I'm sure you're a beautiful woman inside and out. Don't let him destroy that. Take it from me. Things will only get worse. Don't let him lie and tell you he'll never do it again, 'cause HE WILL!
2006-11-21 08:41:07 · answer #1 · answered by * 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The reason he keeps doing it is because he can. When he gets caught, you yell at him than you beg him for a week to have sex with you, why would he stop. He doesn't love you the way you love him. I feel like I am constantly typing, "Do you want your children to grow up in a home where there is no love?" Because, just in this session at Answers, I have typed that line 4 times because, women think that they can't take care of there family without there worthless, cheating husbands. And I am here to tell you he is cheating. I am married and have no children and my husband and I seperated because of him talking to a girl on the internet, and it was nothing even remotely close to what you have said. We are back together and stronger than ever, but we also don't have a computer at home.
2006-11-21 08:23:06 · answer #2 · answered by buxomkity 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
One thing I have learned is that people don't really change for the long term. If he does it now, he will continue to do it. The fact that he has taken a photograph of his "unit" to send to other women should be a huge warning sign. Another warning sign is the fact that he is setting up dates with local women.
It is tough to leave someone, especially when there is Love involved. Not to mention the two kids you share.... but do you really want to stay with an unfaithful man? He will do it again, and what happens when he comes home one day to tell you he has contracted a sexual disease?
In my opinion, you should save the kids the grief (one is young, and the other you didn't mention their age) of growing up in a family with an unloving father. Not to say he doesn't love his kids, or you.... but are his actions really something you want them to grow up watching?
In the end, it is really up to you. And leaving someone you care about is an extremely difficult thing to do. But sometimes it's better for everyone involved.
I don't envy your position, and I want to say Good luck with whatever you choose.
2006-11-21 08:24:50 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you certainly need to stay with hubby, no matter how many different ladies he wants to screw. Even when he ends up infecting you with HIV, you should stay, as long as every time he cheats he promises not to do it again, even if he's talking to another honey when he promises. Lady, you married a cheating low life. Even worse, you married a stupid low life cheat. Usually, even in love blind women wise up when their "dog" gets three strikes. You're still there after five strikes. The old saying is "Love is blind" It isn't "Love is stupid." RUN. Get away from that idiot.
2006-11-21 08:39:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. this is not good. you should not put up with that. i mean you've caught him a few times setting up dates and sending pictures. what more do you want. don't you think he's actually gone through with the dates. and the fact that he doesn't want to have sex with you is a big red flag. that means he's prob getting it somewhere else. i cant believe this. you shouldn't allow this type of behavior. you have kids to think about i know, but you also have to think about your happiness. and he is not making you happy. theres lots of men out there who are willing to love and except women with children. he probably does love you but he is not in love with you, if he was he wouldn't be doing what he's doing. please dont allow this to continue. if i were you i would check to see if he's still doing this. if he is then you should leave him.
2006-11-21 08:22:58 · answer #5 · answered by sexy-cecy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well evidently your love isn't enough to make him stop. Ever heard of tough love? You have to respect yourself since he evidently doesn't. Therefore, offer him a choice...you or his internet habit. If he truly loves you, the choice shouldn't require much thought. Still, there's a chance that you may not like the outcome, but if he chooses to keep on exposing himself on the net, I pretty much think he's a lost cause anyhow. A big chunk of love consists of respect and trust and you seem to have lost both of those components. Wise up! The more chances you give him, the more he'll take.
2006-11-21 08:18:58 · answer #6 · answered by mizging2003 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell him to stop or you'll give him the Bobbett treatment.
He's a scum, inform him either straighten up or get out.
If he is asking a chick on the net for a BJ he has one foot in and one foot out of the relationship. Tell him to make a decision or you will.
BTW I would get tested for STD's right away if you've had sex recently with him.. If anything shows up positive give him the boot yesterday.
2006-11-21 08:38:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think his had these habits (addictions maybe) for a longtime. especially now that he's settled down into the marrage. It doesnt even look like he's sincerely trying to change.As much as he loves you and your son i dont think u're on his mind and heart. He might also be taking your forgiving him for granted since you've forgiven all the other times, (kind of like knowing that thats all you're going to do about it).
2006-11-21 08:25:01 · answer #8 · answered by Mordecaya 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide whether you want to keep a husband who is going to continue this behavior. Since you caught him setting up a date for a bj, he's probably actually gone through with it. It's a personal decision for you, but don't expect his behavior to change, because he's already proven that it won't.
2006-11-21 08:21:05 · answer #9 · answered by Ali 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I actually met my husband online, but i let him know before we got too serious if he ever talked to another girl online, it was good bye to me. And I meant it, I would leave him. Give him an ultimatum...he stops, or you go. Bottom line. It's bullshit, and you deserve better, that's a single man thing, he's now married and needs to step up and be a man, a faithful man.
2006-11-21 08:17:55 · answer #10 · answered by ~~kelly~~ 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋