Boyfriend wants me to be with his family on Thanksgiving, Mother does not....what should I do???

Question

My mom says that I should not spend thanksgiving with my boyfriend and his family unless I am engaged to him and that I should spead it with my own instead. I explained to her that I would spend thanksgiving with his family and he would spend christmas with mine
Why could she feel this way? What does this mean that I am with him and his family on Thanksgiving in terms of our relationship?

We are in our twenties have been dating for almost a year....

Answer 1

Split the day; part of it there and part of it with your family.

Answer 2

She feels this way because you are dear to her, and she wants her family together. You are feeling the push and pull that so many people feel during the holidays. I guess it doesn't only start when one gets married. It will get much more complicated, so try to keep it simple now. If you don't have a burning desire to be with your boyfriend and his family, just spend Thanksgiving with your own. It may be one of the last uncomplicated holidays. Moms have to eventually let go and share with in-laws, so try to understand that is not easy. Right now, work out the best compromise for all involved- there is much more compromise for everyone after marriage and children, separation by miles, or by divorce. The list goes on. Best wishes, and good luck.

Answer 3

Mom will be there for you a lot longer than the BF, even if you do end up marrying him.
Are your families in the same area? Perhaps you could each do Thxgiving with your own families and then meet up for leftovers at one or the other later on. Check what time they usually have their big meal; there is a possibility that you could do both.
Things to keep in mind as you decide:
Why does BF want you at his family dinner? Is it to show you off or introduce you to his family or is it a power play? How many 1 yr old romances have each of you had? Does his mother actually care if you are there or not?

Answer 4

I smell a lil bit of jealousy!! I think it is fair that you spend one holiday with his family and one with your family. Your mom is probably old fashioned and that's why she thinks that way...but I don't think that spending Thanksgiving @ ur BF's determine the terms of ur relationship...I mean is simple weather u guys have plans of gettin married one day or not ...right now you guys just want to spend time together and with your family!! I mean you don't get that many breaks during the year!! I'd suggest you tell ur mom how much u love her and tell her that ur spending Thanksgiving with his family cuz u want to spend Christmas with her too and Christmas is more fun!!

Answer 5

Sounds like your mom just doesn't want to let go. How about if you and your boyfriend have two meals on Thanksgiving, one with your family and one with his? That might be easier on your mom and this way you get to see everybody you want to. Just don't eat too much at any one place!

As far as what it means for your relationship, have you met any of his family before? If not, then it's kind of a big deal, taking the girlfriend home to meat the parents for the first time. If you have met them before, don't sweat it, it just means that he thinks you are special enough to bring home and share the holiday with you and his family.

Answer 6

Two different ways.... 1 Could be You go to Thanksgiving at his house and christmas at yours. Or Split both the days in half. I spend Thanksgiving dinner with my parents then go to my boyfriends parents and celebrate there after.

Answer 7

Thats strange. Im not sure why she would say that. If you guys have been dating for a year and you already know his family, to me, it shouldn't be an issue. Maybe she just wants you at home for Thanksgiving, but you could go to both houses...You're old enough to make your own decisions. Do what you want and have fun, enjoy life, and don't let your mom make choices for you.

Answer 8

I would say split the day. It's not fair that he gets to spend the day with his family and you don't. Unless your families are in different states there is no reason you cant split the day. You never know how many more holidays you have with your family so dont miss out. If you end up getting married then decisions could be made about alternating holidays with your families.

Answer 9

i think what he is asking for you to have thanksgiving with his family and christmas with yours is actually very generous!! i mean, thanksgiving is not as big of a deal as christmas and if he is willing to spend that with your family, that is a really good sign i would think!! i would definately take him up on the offer and explain it to your mom this way. if she doesnt understand, your dad might be able to help you out!! good luck and have fun!!

Answer 10

who would you rather spend thanksgiving with? Do what you want...I think if you are in your 20s you are old enough to make that decision.

I did this once and never heard the end of it from my family. You might want to consider the aftermath!

Answer 11

She is right, however only partially.

Here is what I suggest, have coffee and donuts with your boyfriends family in the morning and then go have dinner with your folks. OR have two dinners. And this only works if they are in the same area.

If they aren't, your mom is right. If you are with him and his family for thanksgiving, it shows your parents where you feel they are in your priority list. If you are looking to get married, it is expected that you will rotate between the families or combine the event.

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