When I was in fourth grade my parents made me move to a new neighborhood and new school. Before I moved I was this little tiny girl. Now I am 22 years old and am overweight (not exceeding 200lbs). I have struggled with my weight since junior high school.
Now since I am old enough to go the bars with my friends. I have noticed that they always get free drinks. They are these skinny and pretty girls. I get so down because I can never get free drinks. My friends would always get boyfriends and I have the worst trouble.
I think this world revolves around how you look and how much you weigh. Does anyone agree with me?
2006-11-21 07:14:56 · 10 answers · asked by Stephanie K 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
*this is a long one*
It's understandable that you feel bad because you're not getting the kind of treatment your "attractive" friends are getting, but there's a lot going on here.
Guys, from a very young age, are told what is attractive and what isn't. It has to do with the era, culture, ethnicity, and a million other things. It also has to do with the fact that it's a bar. Although people meet each other and form legitimate relationships all the time in bars, most often when alcohol and women are involved it's about sex. The men in there may care about your beautiful personality, intelligence, creativity, talents, etc. but that isn't the first thing they're looking at.
People always say that men exploit women. To a degree this is true, but if it's one thing I've learned it's that women are terrific at exploiting the things that men like to get what they want. You girls aren't stupid, even those who pretend to be. Men for the most part aren't difficult to figure out when it comes to attracting us visually.
With that out of the way, don't get yourself down because you aren't the standard that pop culture deems hot. Every single woman is beautiful, no matter what age size or color. What matters most is how beautiful you acknowledge yourself to be, no matter what anyone else thinks. Because in the end, you can't control what they think or how they feel, and although there are ways to make yourself more attractive to them, it's only a shallow experience and you shouldn't have to change things about yourself to please others.
I'm not one of those people who's going to tell you that there's someone out there guaranteed to be perfect for you, who just happens to love everything about you and treats you the way you deserve to be treated. If you find that person you're very lucky, because most of us out there just have to settle or lie to ourselves.
What I am going to tell you though, is that there are men out there who acknowledge and appreciate physical features, but value the beautiful personality underneath. You're probably not going to run into one of these men at a bar. Where do you find them? There isn't one set place where we all congregate, that's the problem that goes both ways, for finding men and women alike.
Think about this though: Next time you're at the bar, check out the wallflowers. Chances are there's a guy out there who doesn't get approached by the beautiful women, who may be insecure himself but like you has a lot to offer beyond physical appearances that conform to a standard. Talk to him, ask him to buy you a drink, if you feel like it offer to buy him a drink, see how that goes. Be yourself. This could easily end up being the most fun for you, because you'd be surprised how eager the person in the corner is to connect with someone else if they were just given the chances. If not, at least you interacted and didn't have to sit aside feeling hurt that people aren't approaching you.
But after all this, and I'm not saying it is this way, don't have a double standard or be hypocritical. Don't judge the guys on physical appearance alone. You know you're worth a lot more than your looks alone, and so are they. So is everyone.
2006-11-21 08:24:24 · answer #1 · answered by sharky 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, Steff, in some ways, it does. At 22, going to the bars and clubs, yes, it does revolve around how you look most of the time. And it wouldn't really matter if you WERE skinny, if you weren't considered "pretty" you still wouldn't get any free drinks. But you can compensate for not being what society currently considers "cute". Be your outstanding self. Don't be shy. Be classy and funny and smart. Be entertaining, be charming. DON'T BE SLUTTY and you will outshine most of those "cute" girls every time.
And take note here: this gets easier as you get older. More mature people realize that "cute" only lasts so many years but classy and funny will keep you entertained and interesting forever.
2006-11-21 08:00:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have complained about this for years! i always used it to my advantage though i have really skinny friends that know what I drink so when guys ask to buy them a drink they get it and give it to me! lol seriously though i decided that it was not everyone else I had the problem with it was myself and I got it in my head to loose weight and I have I have lost 43 pounds and I am now in a size 11/12 and the last time we went out i had a guy buy them a drink!
2006-11-21 07:21:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have thyroid problems and am underweight. I could never get a boyfriend because I'm flat chested. Different problem, same type of treatment, but I agree with you 100%. Guys are visually oriented, and the media tells them what to look for.
2006-11-21 07:19:26 · answer #4 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know what? that is not all true. i have a lot of male friends, and they all like girls with meat on them. i think skinny people look unhealthy. i think men and women should not worry about that though, it is confidence. you need to know you look good, you need to have that attitude. if you dont realize it, how can anyone else? it is all about how you carry yourself, and how you act. if you get dressed nice, go out with your girls, get happy and feel confident, your attitude will rub off on others. trust me. if a hot skinny guy came up to me with a nasty attitude and a bigger guy came up being funny and outgoing, the bigger guy would get my interest. there are the occasional men who are shallow, but you dont wanna bother with them anyway. so envision yourself as beautiful, go out, have a good time, and be yourself.
2006-11-21 07:26:19 · answer #5 · answered by yankeesarethechamps 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do my own observations about men as well...
But what about you...
First...how are you carrying yourself are you reserved or outgoing
Second...are you dressing like a hoochie (you know guys like hoochies)(but you don't have to be one)
Third...don't worry about getting a free drink from a guy in a bar who probably just wants some butt...
You can email me as well...because some guys are just hoes and dogs...
DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT....
2006-11-21 07:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by fatiegurl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There there...it's really not what the world revolves around, but it's a big factor. if you need to vent, you can email me...i know the value of ranting about problems and getting good feedback.
2006-11-21 07:17:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i am 110lbs and i am 5"2 at age 21.
i get free drinks and random people offer me drinks, however i don't think i am skinny. I am very very insecure about my body but i am trying to go to the gym and better myself that way.
i am really trying to watch what i eat and the portion. If you try to better yourself and row that self confidence you'll get your free drink
2006-11-21 07:21:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The bar scene is not the answer , no matter what the question is . You will find the right guy honey .
2006-11-21 07:30:37 · answer #9 · answered by Geedebb 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think that you have right but it\'s human nature
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2006-11-21 07:18:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋