We have been married for 11 years and this has been an ongoing problem. They are nasty and bitter. I feel my children deserve to know their grandparents. I only have my mother and my husband doesn't seem to view this as "enough family" to be with during the holidays. Every holiday for me has been ruined by nasty or hurtful comments or just plain dirty looks and not speaking to me. They have never approved of me because I'm older than my husband and was divorced. I have tried for years to be cordial, but I'm so tired of trying. I feel down and depressed during the holidays, instead of joyful and peaceful. Do I expect too much? My in-laws helped break up my husbands brother's marraige, and so would love to break up mine. I'm scared that they are succeeding. My children are beginning to pick up on the "bad vibes" and that's not right. I know it is a common problem, but how do some of you handle this negativity from family memberes?
Thanks
2006-11-21 06:15:45 · 39 answers · asked by Shelley P 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would tell my husband that I prefer to stay at home with him and the children for the holidays. Invite his family to join you. If they choose not to then you will have a peaceful holiday season. If they do come then you have the right to ask them to leave your home if they have an attitude. You are making an effort to extend the "Olive Branch" as it were. If your husband insists on going to the in-laws, I would stay home with the kids and have a good time.
2006-11-21 06:31:07 · answer #1 · answered by Donna 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What kind of husband does you have? I thought that a husband wants nothing but to please his wife! I hope that your husband does not know how you feel, because if he does and he allows this kind of behavior towards you...than there is a problem!
Tell your husband first off that any number of family is family! If it is just you, your mother, him and the kids...That's called Family!!
He is not thankful and during the holidays it is about being thankful.
Tell him that you are not going over to his family for the holiday this year or any other year because you do not appreciate how they treat you. You've had enough!!!
Tell him that you feel depress during the holidays and that you will not feel this way this year!
Don't go! Don't let it depress you, and Don't feel bad because you decided not to be treated that way. You deserve to enjoy the holidays and so does your kids.
Let him go if he wants to go. Have a nice dinner and things with your mother and the kids.
I hope that you and your husband can get things straight before the holiday. This is not the time to be ungrateful! And I hope that it does not spoil it for the kids, or you this year! GOD BLESS!!
2006-11-21 06:34:33 · answer #2 · answered by Child of God 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its not how many individuals you and your family are around. Its how happy your family is around such a special holiday like Christmas Day. My husband and I celebrate Christmas with our four girls alone and then we visit my in-laws or our in-laws come over to our place for the day. Sometimes even have great sleepovers which the children love and so do I because we get a major break. With your in-laws visiting you at your place you can relax, because you are in your own element. Don't let others determine your marriages destiny. If your husband lets others make decisions for your marriage, You and your husband have an issue you should discuss. But remember men have selective hearing when they want to. So make it short and sweet.
2006-11-21 06:25:58 · answer #3 · answered by mommyX4 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This has got to stop. After all these years, it is time for you and your husband to come together on this. You need his support. If he loves you, then he would not want you to suffer every holiday season for nothing. I know it may be hard, but I would draw a line in the sand on this. I would sit him down and say you need to have an honest talk. Tell him this year you want to go somewhere else (or even no where at all) and alternate each year that way from now on. But if his family doesn't change their attitude, on those years when it is thrie turn, he can go on his own and the kids can choose to go or not as they want.
2006-11-21 06:21:21 · answer #4 · answered by Isis 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You set your foot down and do what is best for your children. Tell your husband that you have dealt with his family's treatment for years out of love for him but enough is enough. If he can't stand up for you to his family then he can atleast protect you and your children from this treatment during the holidays. Ask him if spending every holiday at his family's is worth the damage it is doing to you and your marriage. You also need to have a talk with your kids. They may be confused and you certainly don't want them to fall in with the majority.
2006-11-21 06:23:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Holidays are tough times for many of us. Try to keep it to Christmas, or Thanksgiving but not both. Don't stay at their house, stay at a hotel and say that its a second honeymoon for both of you that way. Your husband simply must agree that even though its not a lot of family it is YOUR family and that you mother deserves seeing too. Its up to your husband to hold his family in check and if he claims he can't see it then it might simply be his way of ignoring the situation.
If it is really awful and you hubby won't stand up for you take your kids and visit your mom telling hubby that he can go to his parents and visit, but you feel its time to see your mom on the holiday.
If none of this works, have the holidays at your house, possibly his family won't feel as comfortable being as nasty in your place.
At least I hope so.
2006-11-21 06:36:34 · answer #6 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is it possible for you to have the holidays at your home? Invite them as well as your mother. ( You'll at least have mom to talk to). This way you can do the cooking, the serving on your terms. You'll be in your home where you feel comfortable.
My ex in-laws were the same way, so I started having our holidays at our home. They'd even show up even if they weren't invited. lol But it was my home, so I felt I could do and say anything I wished!!
Your in-laws aren't the greatest of people are they?
No, you don't need the kids to see bad vibes, but they will no matter what the older they become.
Tell your huby your in charge for once. He can go to hell with the in-laws!!!
2006-11-21 06:28:50 · answer #7 · answered by peggin_beast 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is NO REASON why you should have to endure this every holiday. Your husband should speak up and tell his family that you and he have been married 11 years and it's not going to change...either they treat you with respect or neither of you or your children will be coming for holidays. If he is not man enough to do this...you have 2 options. 1) have the holiday celebrations at YOUR home...invite your family and his family (even if they are rude, it will be more comfortable for you to be in your own home) 2) tell him to spend the holiday with his family and you will spend yours with your mom so she won't be alone. I know it's tough to go thru this...and you shouldn't have to
2006-11-21 06:22:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy is THAT a loaded question...
Darlin, you need to make your feelings known to your husband and give him a chance to deal with it appropriately. If you have already done so, then you need to turn up the fire a notch. just because you are older does not give them the right to treat you like that. ( I'm taking it for granted that you have not done anything terrible to them to start this animocity).
You have been married for 11 years and you have certainly put in your time. You need to be tough about it, and I dont know you so I dont know how tough you can be, but you need to lay it out to him. Remember (self admittedly) men are stupid, you need to spell it out with out any ambiguity. Black and white, no room for misinterpretation.
I think that you have the right to spend the holidays with your mom. My mother became ill last thanksgiving, and passed away on new years eve, and I would love even Just ONE MORE holiday with her.
I he cant capitulate, and share the holidays then you need to tell him to go to his parents alone, and you will go with yours. Hopefully that will send the message that you are serious about this and he will either understand, or simply not care, if its the latter, then you hvae another issue to deal with.. the fact that he just showed you that he doesnt respect you or your opinion.
Now you mentioned that you have children, and they are starting to figure things out.. if he doesnt fix this, then God help him and them when the kids get old enough to know that they dont want any part of them.
Best of luck
2006-11-21 06:25:42 · answer #9 · answered by Jonny B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is with your husband. My in laws had some problems with me that where just out of line. My husband had a talk with them and put them in their place. When you get married the two of you become one and if they can't accept you then they are not accepting him. He should be angry with his family. I would try talking to my husband and letting him know how hurtful this has been for you. If he won't listen then I would just see my parents and make a strong point that something needs to change.
2006-11-21 06:21:24 · answer #10 · answered by Glee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋