Firstly, thank you to everyone who has taken the time to answer. I should mention that the measly 1000 characters is not nearly enough space to fully detail my frustrations., but I will try. My wife is well aware of the problems, she is very lazy. I have a good relationship with my in-laws and my mother-in-laws mother. Evryone one of them empathizes with me, but cannot face her one -on-one or even as a family - they are scared to. For as long as I have known my wife, she has terrorized her family - what she says goes. She uses profanity with her family, which I think is inappropriate. She tells her mom to "f*** off". She justifies this by saying that this is what works for her family. I have known her family well enough to see the root of the problem - her parents. She constantly tells me that her parents treated her more as a friend, than parents. There was never any discipline in her life, nor in her parents lives.....continued in Am I doing something wrong ? (3)
2006-11-21 06:02:19 · 4 answers · asked by Mr M 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
YOU doing anything wrong? Where did you get this?
She is the one who is
-- terrorizing her family
-- cursing at people
-- lazy
-- undisciplined
-- a bully
-- a control freak
-- and an insensitive boor
Where in the hell did you get the idea that you did anything wrong, other than enabling the behavior, possibly out of ignorance and fear?
It's time that you read up on co-dependence and stop enabling this behavior. It's time you set some boundaries, and demanded appropriate behavior. It's also time that you went to marriage counseling, possibly by yourself if you have to. And it's time that you re-evaluated your marriage to see if it's worth staying with her. Only you know that, in the place in your heart where bullshit cannot live.
It's going to be hard, and it's going to be difficult, and you have your work cut out for you. Realize that people don't change much past their early 20s, and this may spell the end of your marriage. I'd suggest you take a good, long, hard look at your finances, if you do decide to get out.
Good luck. This woman also sounds like she may need to get psychiatric counseling and/or medication. I wonder if she's clinically depressed, too. I also recommend you read the book Toxic Parents, and any other books about co-dependency and toxic relationships.
Good luck, again. You're going to need it when you start changing the rules, standing up for yourself, setting appropriate boundaries, not taking abuse, and demanding to be treated as a loving spouse. Expect a lot of yelling and temper tantrums, but stick to your guns. You have the right to be treated correctly.
I should know. I married a passive-aggressive hostile man like this the first time around, and I continued to stand up for appropriate behavior, no matter his temper tantrums and yelling. Eventually I left, greatly relieved, and didn't shed a tear when I did leave.
Cheers, K
2006-11-21 06:09:24 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
a I pity you. Did you not notice her character before you married her. Why did you marry her in the first place?She will be a bad influence to your future children being disrespectful and fowl mouth.
2006-11-21 14:12:02 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are enabling her by accepting her unpleasant behavior. Stop accepting it if you want your marriage to survive.
2006-11-21 14:15:16 · answer #3 · answered by AnnieD 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You knew all this and married her anyway was what you did wrong.
2006-11-21 14:05:30 · answer #4 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋