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I dated a married man last December who told me he is divorcing his wife and was miserable. I believed him and loved him alot.

She found out about me in January through reading his emails. She just went crazy and flipped out. He hurt me alot when i gave him the ultimadum: he said he had to choose her because they had a son together but loved me so much.

i was so hurt and upset at that time. I put a space between us for two years and changed everything-number, everything and told him i would not contact hiim for two years to see where he is in his marriage.

I missed him so much. I just contacted him Nov. 8 (it had been nearly a year). I dreamed in the year his wife got pregnant-and she did. a month after i let him go. he said she wanted the baby so bad to save thier marriage and I made him crazy when i put the two year space between us instaed of supporting him at that time.

i cried so hard. i sent him mean emails and such but i stilll love him.

what should i do?

2006-11-21 05:49:48 · 48 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Marriage & Divorce

48 answers

Leave the guy!!!He doesn't deserve you!

2006-11-21 05:55:09 · answer #1 · answered by jokersmile 3 · 1 0

I would suggest that it really is time to move on. It has already been proved that this man will not leave his wife and children from you, how much ever miserable he feels. Looking at all this, it seems like he wasn't that miserable after all and was rather using you. So, there is no reason to feel guilty for having put two years space between you both and not supporting him. Anyone in your position would have done the same thing. It is sort of a reflex action among people. So, don't feel guilty about it. Try not to contact him again as it will reveal your desparation for him and he may start to take you for granted. But as I said, its time to move on. It will be hard initially but time heals everything and you will find someone who can give you more security and love.

2006-11-21 06:06:37 · answer #2 · answered by l_kur 5 · 1 0

You have discovered what so many women have before you.
When you fall for a married man.....makes no difference what he says and oft times means.....the tie to his family is always very strong. If the relationship he has with his wife is okay...no or very little sex....he will find someone else that seems to love him a powerful draw.

While it doesn't always work that way I think very few men actually give up the known from the unknown.

I am a victim of this very thing. My first wife was not happy in our marriage. We were good friends but....for her....that was all.
She met someone on the Internet. He was married and promised that it would be very soon and he would be free. She had been unfaithful to me before so I filed for divorce.

It took some time for her to see that he had no intention of leaving his wife. And never did. She lives alone now. I am married again.

Consider this: If he has made you cry like this what in the future will ever change that? Nothing. You must move on as hard as it is for you to do. I was married to my first wife for 37 years and loosing her was the hardest thing I ever had to do. But I did and so can you.

2006-11-21 06:04:57 · answer #3 · answered by John B 5 · 2 0

You should forget about him and always remember the following: When you get married, your husband will do the same to you. You will never be free of it unless you do the right thing and stop it NOW. It will haunt you forever, unless you fix it. Have some dignity. Why would you even want another woman's husband? Don't you deserve one of your own? Don't you deserve someone who isn't bound by the law, kids or (oh my) love for some other woman? And he does love her or he would leave her. He's lying to you and to her. If he didn't love her, he would leave. Think of all the divorces you hear about day after day. Those men leave. Yours will not leave her. He loves her, they just have issues and he is bored with their sex life. Believe me on this: that if they had better sex and communicated a bit better (maybe after the kid things aren't as exciting as they once were) he would never be dating you. He loves her. So please, do yourself a favor, and save your future! Dump him for good before you ruin your own life. Find a man that's true and honest. Why would you ever want such a horrendous, lying, cheating, man? Aren't you worth more? Let the wife deal with her bad choice of man-don't be the reason those poor kids don't have a dad. Or else it will happen to your marriage-and your kids eventually. Be the kind of person your parents raised you to be. You'll be thankful in the long run though it will hurt now.

2006-11-21 05:59:10 · answer #4 · answered by missy s 4 · 4 0

Look what you are saying is that you want something that really does not belong to you. Put yourself in his wifes shoes. How would you feel if you found out he was seeing another lady. The same way she did. I cannot blame her for wanting a child to help save her marriage. Look now this guy cannot even if he wanted to could leave this lady. There is just too much involved and I am sure he does not want to go through a nasty divorce, settle the assets, pay large child support, and on and on and on. You just need to understand that you should never get involved with a married man again in your life. Just too much drama and hurt involved. Stop calling this man, stop the emails and take it day by day and move on with your life. Sooner or later you will meet someone who is single and they will make you a happy lady.

2006-11-21 05:56:34 · answer #5 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 2 0

I also dated a married man in a very similar situation. I still miss him to this day and I am afraid of the day that I will break down and try to contact him. I have found that talking about it with my friends and keeping busy dating other people has been the only way to coupe with the loss of someone I truely loved. People can call you a "home wrecker" or whatnot, but love is love and its not a choice. Stay strong, Stay away, you can be happy without him. I have come to the realization that I will probably never meet a man that I love the way that I loved him, but that doesnt mean I cant love anyone else. Good luck.

2006-11-21 06:05:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

I can relate..I am going through almost the same thing right now. I wish I knew the answers. The guy I am in love with is married and they have a three year old daughter. They recently moved so they can work on their marriage. I am in college and we had both said that after I graduated we will see what happens. I graduate in 2 years.

I love him, and I probably always will, but the fact that he has a beautiful little girl that means the world to him, told me that I had to stand aside. I know that he is not totally happy with his wife, but he's trying to make it work for his daughters sake. All I can do is wish him the best. That's what you do for someone you love, you support them.

I know I am a horrible person, but I do admit that I am hoping in my heart that his marriage doesn't work out, but my brain tells me that he will never leave his wife.

The best advice I can give you is to keep living your life. If someone else asks you out..Go! Don't sit around and wait for him to come back to you. There is a good chance he never will.

2006-11-21 06:06:00 · answer #7 · answered by bunny 5 · 1 0

Oh, gosh...this is so painful, I know. I'm probably not one to talk---I've taken my share of hits for the posting of my own situation, but the truth is, a relationship takes two people. You cannot do it yourself, and you need him to have equal commitment which it diesn't seem like he does. My way of looking at it is, he would have found a way to seek you out if he'd really really wanted to be with you over this past year. There are places you go that he would have staked out---SOMETHING. He didn't, and instead tried to patch his home situation---so that needs to tell you something, even though you love him dearly. I believe it is probable that he loves you some, too, but if he doesn't have the balls to stand up and grasp the happiness, you can't do it alone. Leave him be and wait and see what he does. It's the hardest thing imaginable, but important to do. I did this...totally pulled back from someone I love desperately, and he came to me and also took control of his situation and changed it so we could be together. HE has to be the one, I'm sorry to say. Patience is the key here, but SO HARD, I know. Best of luck to you.

2006-11-21 05:58:36 · answer #8 · answered by hot_italian_empress 2 · 3 0

Let go of this. Dude has already chosen his wife once and will continue to choose her. Most of what he is telling you are lies. I'm sure he enjoys spending time with you and what not, its a break from the norm, but he never plans on leaving his wife because he had an opportunity and choose to stay with her.

Do yourself a favor, stop contacting him and find a man who isn't married. Married men definitely know how to treat woman better because we are out for pretty much one thing, plus you don't deal with us the rest of the time. What you may use to see him 2 3 times a week, not a relationship babe, a booty call.

Move on.

2006-11-21 05:55:54 · answer #9 · answered by www.treasuretrooper.com/186861 4 · 3 0

Let him go! He was not yours in the first place! I felt for a married man too! I knew that it was wrong, and we never got into sex or even kissing because I prayed and held on to my dignity. ( Not to say that you didn't!) It was hard, but I held on. I knew that if I got involved that I would not have much of a chance because he was married. Days that I would want to be with him, he would probably be with his family. And that would tare me apart. And I also knew that what go's around, comes around. When I did get my husband that it would probably happen to me. But I still like him today! But we are friends!!! He knows where I am coming from and that I mean what I say. He said that he feels like just friends too, but I think that he felt a little disappointed when I told him that I can't have him and that this thing have to end. But I ended it! And when we see each other and talk everyday conversations, he knows that I'm off limits.

2006-11-21 06:07:21 · answer #10 · answered by Child of God 3 · 1 0

You shouldn't be the one who has to feel the pain all though i think that whole email thing was a little over board. And you are right you should have supported him kind of. You see when you are going out with a man who is married already its not easy at all when you don't know about that. But yet think about it if yo had had sex or anything like that iwth him you could have maybe gotten sick and you know that you love him in your heart but in your mind its saying yo hate him. Don't hate him but yet don't contact him and don't go balistic over everything because you will know what to do when you get there plus when god says its the right time he will find you a new love.

2006-11-21 05:57:23 · answer #11 · answered by Kylie D 2 · 3 0

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