Am I doing something wrong ?

Question

As a husband, I try to be as supportive of my wife. I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry in the house, as well as take care of paying the bills and plan for our future. I also run my own business. I have a 10,000 sq ft. office, with about 15 employees. I enjoy doing things for myself. My grandma always said," why make others do things when you are capable of doing things yourself". It is a philosophy I try to live by. When I got married, I thought my wife would help out around the house, freeing up some time, so we can spend some quality time with each other. She exagerrates that she can cook, I have yet to see an attempt. She may atempt to start cleaning, but leaves things half-way. She spends most of her time watching TV (80%). I've even gone to the extent of telling her that even if she does nothing, don't make any additional work for me, but nothing registers with her. I tried not cleaning the house hoping she would, but after 3 weeks, I had to clean. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

She may be depressed, or she may feel that since you've always done all the work she doesn't have to. Try talking to her and asking her to just do one thing every day, like five minutes of straightening up when she gets home or sweep the floor every day. Also, ask her to try out flylady.net Tell her she'll want to join it and use the digest form because there are lots of emails. that way she gets all the emails for the day in one email. Maybe ask that you join flylady together. It's free, and it works.

Answer 2

Nope, she won't clean. If she doesn't do it willing, she probably won't notice just because you don't clean up for a while. She's obviously not a clean freak/clean in general. I have to admit I'm bad about this myself.

I think you need to talk to her and have a very serious conversation about this. This spending all of her time watching TV is not good, and maybe she doesn't understand that your marriage is actually being effected.

Maybe telling her that you absolutely need her to start cooking at least one night a week to help. My husband has to actually pester me sometimes to put away the dishes or to do the laundry. He's figured out a great way to get me to fold the laundry immediately. He'll cram all the clothes into a laundry bag and leave them there. All the clothes will be completely wrinkled (which he doesn't care about) and then I'll go nuts when I see them.

Good luck. I'm sorry that you're doing most of the work and not getting any respect for it.

Answer 3

Do you have kids together? If so, I understand why she won't be able to help around the house and would like to just rest and procastinate in doing some cleaning. But if you both don't have kids, she don't work, and she's not disabled....then what can be her excuse in helping out in the house? I guess she's lazy. That's bad. Give her an ultimatum...what you think can convince her to get up her butt to help out with the cleaning. I mean, everyone who has a home need to keep it clean, not just for viewing purposes but for health purposes too. Mentally, it's not good to live with a mess in the house. Every room has to be nice and neat. You can fall into depression...that's serious. She may need professional help, if that's the case. Talk to her. See what's bothering her. Was she always like that? Find out what made her stop cleaning or helping around the house. Maybe she needs to be motivated. Tell her to put on her favorite songs while she does house work, or when she cooks. That helps me. Music does wonders when I have to get up my butt up to cook and clean. Good luck.

Answer 4

You're wife sounds like a real drag, well, I think that since you are doing it she thinks she doesn't have to. So stop. Just put cleaning down at the bottom corner of your list. Put everthing before it including saving the world before you clean that house. Just DON'T clean!!! If you like cleaning than go clean out your closet or under your side of the bed, do your laundry-NOT hers! If clothes on the floor bother you just push them over to the side. Clean up after yourself don't become a slob but you can just leave her stuff where it is. Eventally she will clean it you just can't let it get to you! Good Luck!!!! Hope it works!!!!

Answer 5

i was going to suggest for you to stop cleaning but you are already one step ahead of me. Sit down with her and have a serious talk. Ask her to get a job or a a least share the housework 50/50. I am sure that you love your wife dearly but honey, something has to give.It is not fair or considerate for her to watch her soaps all day and you workand clean for a living. I would love for my husband to help with anything around my house and we have children too. He doesn't even know how to pick up his own dirty clothes, so I know exactly where you are coming from.But he does cook dinner every night, works 50 to 60 hours a week, and keeps my lawn looking like a Golf Course. Tell her to either grow up, help out, or GET OUT!

Answer 6

I would make a list of all the chores. Set down with your wife.....and agree to split them. Does she work? If not....tell her she is on allowance. If she does her chores, then she will get her money at the end of the week. I wouldn't do her laundry either. She will run out of clothes at some point and will do her own then. Planning your future too? You might want to put a little extra thought into that one.

Answer 7

Your not doing anything wrong. First of all she's lucky to have a partner like you, someone independent. So, you need to tell her that if she doesn't start helping out something has to be done. You don't want to live this way forever do you? The only reason she continues this is because you let her! You need to step up and show her who's boss! Just kidding.... But really do something about it before it's too late! Good luck! : )

Answer 8

Try talking to her cause something is going on. It almost sounds like she is using you. I am going through a divorce right now so if you leave her give me a call. I am in the same place you are always doing everything around the house and never having help so I feel your pain. I really would talk to her about it and let her know you are upset.

Answer 9

Just tell her how you feel and that you would like some help. Tell her the more she helps the more time you have time to spend on her. A marriage is a partnership you guys need to work together because if one person is pulling the weight in the relationship then its not a partnership your more like on your own.

Answer 10

you need to tell that wife if she doesn't start participating in the relationship that she can hit the road and it's that simple... Be serious about it and watch how fast she moves her *** off the couch and starts doing what she should be doing.... Don't be a push over with her on this and if she doesn't do anything, kick her out and go find yourself a real woman that knows her role as a wife...