In denial?

Question

I miss my husband so much. We recently seperated and I can't seem to adjust, I just want to go home.

I am on meds for depression and anxiety and seeing a psychologist twice a month. I have been having intense suicidal thoughts for a month but I'm hanging in there.
My entire life has changed and I know in my heart I don't want to be without my husband. I am in denial big time. If I run into acquaintances or superficial friends I don't tell them we are seperated when they ask about him. I could barely tell my family and close friends, I just don't want to talk about it.
It is a great challenge for me to reach out to my friends, the words won't come out of my mouth. Hence I isolate myself and withdraw into myself.
I feel awful. It all seems too painful and overwhelming and I don't know how long I can live like this.
I'm sure many of you have survived seperation and divorce and I would really like to hear from you.

Answer 1

You can do this. I know it is hard I am going through a divorce right now also and it is hard. Is there anyway you guys could go to counseling to work it out? If so then do that. I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 2

It depends on the reason why you separated in the first place. If he was the cause for you to be depressed and go on meds. or did you start them after the separation? If he was the cause then you should think long and hard about going back to him. Suicide is never the answer. You are right that many people have survived separation and divorce and have learned that time is the key to healing all wounds. Many have also re-married and are living a better life then the one they had. Talk to someone, Even if it is hard to do they may open your eyes to something that you didnt see before.

Answer 3

Let's think about why you are very emotional and depressed. What caused this? I have been in a very similar situation and was also on medication for depression. Woman! This will in the long run make you stronger allthough you don't see that at this point in time. Ask yourself if the marriage you had was worth the pain you are feeling.. Were you happy or were you just used to having someone there? If it was a bad relationship and you know it was then repeat this to yourself "No man deserves my tears no man is worth it!" You will be ok, I am not sure what is happening here from just reading your brief post but in any case I hope this helps somewhat.. =0)

Answer 4

Hello, there, Cat. Man! The break up of a marriage. It can be devastating. Wrapping your mind around the separation can be hard. You go to bed at night thinking, how can this be happening? It was not supposed to end up this way! How can I go on? How can I become a self-contained unit when I am so used to being with this person?
Well Hon, you go on one day at a time. Don't think about tomorrow as far as your relationship is concerned. Think about today. Think about what you need to make for dinner, what you need to clean, the bed you need to change. Think about the client you need to call tomorrow. Make a To Do list. This is very important. When you have important things to do tomorrow, it will help you hang on for one more day.
I don't know what caused the separation or whether or not you have kids, but if you do have kids, keep going for them. If you don't have kids, keep going for yourself. Remember who you were BEFORE you meet your husband. Stay busy. Don't stay cooped up in your home alone. That will just make things worse.
Life, the ups and downs can leave you feeling alone and anxious. But know this, know that you can handle what comes your way. Know that there is a purpose for your life. Know that you are more than your marriage. You are your own person with your own gifts. You have so much to offer to someone who is worth your pearls.
The wound you have will heal with time. There will be times when you want to cry, go ahead, but tell yourself it will only be for 10 minutes. Then you will get up and start a project or write down another To Do list.
Go to funny movies or rent them. They will make you laugh whether you want to or not. Laughter is what you need right now.
You deserve the best, Cat. You deserve laughter, blue skies with puffy white clouds, and Jasmine scented breezes with tall leafy green trees. You deserve warmth to replace the cold you are feeling right now. The snow that is falling in your heart right now will stop falling and will melt. The winter will become spring, then summer. The new summer is a new beginning and you have to have faith that it will last.
This is a problem that you ARE strong enough to work through and will work through. This will make you stronger, it will make you reach out to help those who are going through what you are going through right now. Remember, we will always have a problem to overcome. There are people who live on this planet and do not have problems. They live in graveyards. I bet a lot of them wish they had the problems of the living.
And you are living. Your are still breathing. Another day above ground is a beautiful thing, even if you are living with some pain.
Smile, beautiful lady, even when you don’t feel like it. Smile, because you shall overcome. I wish you the best and God bless.

Answer 5

Why did you separate? Is there anyway you guys can reconcile? Would he go to counseling with you? If you both still want to try to make it work, then get counseling. If counseling is out of the questions, than I suggest you move on.

I got divorced after 16 years of marriage. He suddenly decided that he wanted to have me and his lover and there was no way I was having that. I cried and cried for days, weeks and months. But I finally decided that no matter how difficult my situation was, I needed to move on. I got counseling and focused on me and my kids.

There's no reason to hide the facts from your friends and family. This is the time you need their support and help. Surround yourself with positive friends and family that are going to strengthen you and encourage you. This is not the end of the world. You'll live and you'll look back in a couple of years and be grateful that you came out of it alive. Through every experience in life, you learn and grow. You gain wisdom you didn't have before. Take this time to grieve and cry if you must, but don't stay there. Get help and move on.

Three years after my divorce I married a wonderful man who loves me and loves my kids as if they were his own. I never thought I could find love like this again and I'm grateful I did. Please get help fast!!! Stay strong. I promise you the pain will not last forever. Hang in there.

Answer 6

Tell your friends! You don't have to tell everyone, or issue a press-release; but having a small network of supportive friends and family is KEY to getting over this. There's nothing shameful about your situation; I'm sure you feel a lot of things, including humiliation and embarrassment - but most people have been in a situation similar to yours at one point or another, and they do sympathize and understand. I was amazed at how my friends reached out to me when I was going through my divorce; some of them had stories to share from their past that made my situation seem like a walk in the park. It's too hard to go through it alone, trust me. Speak to a friend you trust.

And yes, things will get better as time goes by - no matter how hard it seems now. I just got married again, and am nothing but thankful that my prior marriage didn't work out.

Answer 7

Question to answer: Are the reasons you seperated still valid?

If they are, then you should seriously consider staying apart.

About two months after I broke up with my gf and bf, I started becoming friends again. Then, because I was still very much in love with them, started thinking I could make things work out. I ignored the fact that the reason I left was still very much the same. I ended up being hurt, very badly, by my ex-gf.

Letting go is always difficult and painful, but many times necessary.

Counseling can help you find the answers to these questions.

Answer 8

Co-Dependent is the word that comes racing to my mind. I am sure that you have heard that more than once in the past several weeks. You have attached all of your self worth and identity to your husband and your marriage and now you feel that you are nobody and nothing without him and your marriage. You have mentioned about going back with him or going home, but let me ask you... Did you leave him, did he leave you or was it a mutual decision?

If you left him, you would have to ask him if he even wanted you to come back and what ever the cause of the split would have to be fixed or you would just be jumping back into the same problem that you left and that is not smart. If he left, you would be doing nothing but begging him to come back and really puts you in an awkward place that leaves him in control of the outcome. If it was mutual, perhaps the two of you could come to an understanding that would work for the both of you.

Before any of the above happens, you need to get a handle on this whole depression and identity problem. One of the best things for you to do is remember what he saw in you at the beginning that made him want to be with you. Back then, you did not need him for your identity or sense of worth, you had it all on your own. Start there, you know deep inside that you are who you are and it seems that you have lost sight of that during your marriage. This is very common and you are not the first person to experience that. Second, once you remember that you are not just his wife, but someone that made him want you, you had something that he wanted and felt he could not live without, then build on that. Get up out of the chair, go take a nice hot shower or bath, get cleaned up, fix your hair, your makeup, dress up in one of your favorite outfits and go walk through the mall and just look in the windows. Go ahead and see the guys checking you out and taking second glances at you. Don't do or say anything about it, just let it make you feel good knowing that you are noticed for just yourself. It is a great feeling to know that you can go out, be noticed, looked at and it is all by yourself, you did not need him for that. Next, start looking for a job if you are not working, you need to get back into the mainstream and out of the house. The longer you isolate yourself, the more you will feel isolated and it becomes a vicious cycle that creates it's own doom and gloom that is not real. You need to work on showing your husband that you do not "need" him, that he is missing out by not being with you and that you will not only be okay, but you will excel in what you do. Do not just latch onto someone because they are there, you are better than that, just work on you and you will see that there is a lot to like and be proud of. Get off the meds as soon as you can (work with your doc on that), but once you see who you are and what you are worth, you will not need that stuff.

Answer 9

Hey Cat,
Please hang in there I too have had the painful and very real experience of separating from my mate. I actually had to divorce my husband after 5 years of marriage. He proved to be a very, very unfaithful man all the while claiming he loved me. (All of this went on while my mother was in the hospital dying from colon cancer.) I too went to therapy and was diagnosed with Post Tramatic Sress Disorder/ with a depressed mood and anxiety. I went to the emergency room countless times thinking I was having a heart attack. I was put on 2 medications(for anxiety). Nevertheless, I had to realize that I was worth so much more RESPECT and LOVE than my husband was showing me. You have to realize that as well . You are a beautiful human being who deserves the best in life. Don't hide what is happening to you, his actions are not a reflection on you and vise versa. Tell your family you need their support and their love the more you share your pain the more bearable it will be. I would have given anything to have had my mother be there to go through all that I went through... so please don't stay in a private misery... it will get better, you have to believe that you are important to you!!! It has been 3 years since and I am off the meds. I still am not dating and I am hapier that ever I have found myself and I like who I am, I love myself.Find yourself Cat!! You don't need a man to validate who you are. The feelings you have are real so accept them but don't let them be your life. Best Wishes you will get through it.
Jonell J.

Answer 10

i have been divorced now for 3 wonderful years. My ex-husband is still stuck in the past like u are...but it will get better it takes time...all i can tell u is to go out and live ur life...do things u have always wanted to do just neva did be4. Stay busy and the rest will fall into place...but dont isolate urself thats the worst thing u could do...