I married a guy from a pretty poor country three months ago. We are happy, but we don't live together which my friends think is weird.The thing is, he works six days a week for twelve hours a time on nights, and his work is forty minutes away, so it does sorta make sense for him to have a room there to sleep.
Of course he got a visa when he married me, and that's what my friends think he was after.
I see him three or four times a week, he is kind and considerate and treats me really well, but in the back of my mind there is the thought that my friends are right and he's just being nice to keep me sweet so he won't lose his visa.
I have asked him if he just married me for it and he gets angry that I could even ask.
What do you guys think?
2006-11-21 05:27:22 · 29 answers · asked by CHARISMA 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I hadn't mentioned the visa what you have thought?
2006-11-21 06:25:19 · update #1
Guys I'm not making excuses for him but do the sums, he does 12 hours a night, a 40 minute drive each way leaves him just ten hours to sleep and relax,and he does this 6days a week! His job is manual labour, and three or four times a week he gets up after just six hours sleep to spend time with me.
2006-11-21 07:50:48 · update #2
Did you know him well before get married?You say you are happy, so why bother? people always be giving opinions about everything that doesnt mean they are right, dont you think he loves you? Now...what i think...between a couple no body but them know what is really happening, i want to belive that if you 2 got marriage at least you love him, if is that a case....fight for it.
2006-11-21 05:35:04 · answer #1 · answered by lovetoyou 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Joanne hun, the fact that you would even ask this question indicates that there is something not right in this marriage, you have a very strong gut insting that this is the case. You shouldn't feel this way after 3 months of marriage. By the way 40 minuites distance from work is no reason to live away from you, many people travel an hour to an hour and a half to work and still live together, it is no excuse at all to live away from you!!
2006-11-21 05:34:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jumble 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yep. He married you for the visa. And sorry to say that he probably has another "family" where he's living now a few days a week.
You should consult a lawyer and dissove this marriage. Or you'll be taken to the cleaners...
Next time, let your head do the thinking and listen to the people who care for you.
Leave him... Get yourself tested for diseases. I'm serious, not hateful. Good luck!
ps. Visa aside... Don't you think it's a little odd that you get to see your husband a few days a week when he's only working 40 minutes away??? Come on!!! THINK with your HEAD!
PPS. If you want to continue to justify his poor behavior, be my guest. Sounds like you're just looking for someone to validate your fears and musings. If you don't want to be objective about this, it's your choice. Either way... Good luck.
My father always says that there is NOTHING a man (REAL MAN) won't do for his wife... And as Dr. Laura says, "a REAL man will swim through shark infested waters just to bring his REAL woman a lemonade." Think on that while you're soaking in a hot bath tonite.
2006-11-21 05:30:26 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Saffire♥ 4 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Sometimes that is the case, people will even pay you to marry them for a visa. I say let the insecurities go... Live life as best you can and see where it leads you.. If you keep asking him if his only reason for marrying you was to get a visa he will think about it more and more and maybe act on that pressure. I am not sure if that makes any sense but that is my opinion.
2006-11-21 05:31:35 · answer #4 · answered by agonynextacy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you move closer to his job so he would only have to travel 20 minutes or less. If your schedule is less hectic why not. also if it wasn't a problem b4 you got married why should it be now. If you continue to bring it up he will leave ... or at least he will stop treating you as the woman he loves and believes loves him back.
as for your friends
People are jealous of other couples relationships that appear to have more love then their present or any previous relationships.
Just because it works for you doesn't mean it will work for them and vise versa. There is not a step by step set of instructions for marriage, so do what makes sense to you not everybody else
2006-11-21 07:27:16 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It matters more what you think.
You said you are happy but wonder if he married you just for the Visa. Your instinct must be telling you something.
I don't know where you met or how you hooked up but you decided to marry the guy and only you can know the reasons behind it.
As for his reaction to your asking him if he married you just for a Visa he could be angry because it is true and he wants you to drop it.??
2006-11-21 05:34:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation. In my experience when a man wants to be with you he wants to be with you. Why can't you relocate out to where he works? or why doesn't he just drive home. I know alot of people who do a more then a 40 minute commute just so they can be home with their wives. I guess you have to ask yourself if you are happy with the situation. If you are then maybe that is what works for you. If you want it to work stop question him and take him at his word. Unless you have proof otherwise let it be. I am just letting you know this situation wouldn't work for me.
2006-11-21 05:36:22 · answer #7 · answered by Glee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His work is only 40 minutes away and he doesn't come home to his new bride? My partner used to drive home to be with me when his job was a three hour drive away or more. There is no way it makes sense for him to be away from you at nights unless that is what he wants. I am sorry to have to say so, but your friends are right.
2006-11-21 07:40:26 · answer #8 · answered by Specsy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The thing is you are married at this point, maybe motivations and reasons don't matter...maybe it's time to focus on building a happy life and marriage together.
You should live together. One of you needs to move, change jobs, or commute. Show him how much you want to be his wife, and perhaps then you'll see how much he wants to be your husband.
2006-11-21 05:36:20 · answer #9 · answered by daisyk 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is stringing you along. I am married to a wonderful man who works an hours drive away and he would not even think of having a room else where.
Can he drive? if not why can he not use public transport to get to and from work.
2006-11-21 06:16:14 · answer #10 · answered by porkchop 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋