My inlaws r too interfering & my husband is too close to them that he jst does wat s told to him.im sick of it

Question

We are recently married and having problems with each other since the very beginning . my husband is so engrossed in his own family specially his mother that he doesnt care for my feelings. im the last person he would come to.He wants me to do things out of the way for his parents. i have been doing as much i could for them all this time but still i have to listen to his complaints . His sister and brother live nearby and they r sooo interferring . They keep calling him for his help with their babies and he never says no to them .His mother is so bossy that she wants things her way and if i dont follow her then my husband gets back to me angrily.I cant take it anymore. What should i do ?Please help .I love him a lot but i also have my own desires and i want us to be given time to understand each other but this family keeps him so involved that he is not left with anytime for me. He loves me but just that it seems he doesnt have any space in his life for me. i m sick of it.pls help

Answer 1

you should've seen the red flags before the marriage! Honestly the best advice I ever received after getting married was from my grandmother! She told me that if we wanted to stay together and be happy that we should move away and build a life together and return when we were comfortable.

Thinking about that now.. maybe she was just trying to get rid of us??? LOL

anyways we took the advice and I think that if we had been living around family all this time we would've been divorced by now.

Find a reason to move to another state, if possible several states away. I've found that even being as close as 4 hours away is problematic at times.

You could go with totally ignoring him for awhile. Do for yourself and have fun away from him, just a little, maybe a hobby that doesn't involve him. You don't want him thinking your cheating. But you want him to notice that he wasn't included directly. Then when he asks about it let him know that you just wanted to be considerate of his family and that you had already planned on them calling and needing his help so you just didn't include him in your plans.

In the end hopefully he will be drawn to you rather than his, before marriage family.

The biggest thing to remember is! Do not be forcefull in this situation. Make him want you, and make it seem like it is his own idea! Your gonna have to learn how to work this man!

Answer 2

Your husband has no backbone. If he really loves you he should care for you and protect you from all people including his parents Be independent and live separately from his parents. Test him if he really loves you and go away for a while if he follows you then he still loves you but if he does not fetch you well that's another story . It is time to think if you would still go on living with him and be a martyr wife. Your husband is a mama's boy and that is a very hard competition. His mother is also a domineering mom. Or why not change residence and live far away from them.. Think hard are you willing to tolerate them. Your happiness is in your hands. You and only you can decide what is best for you. Pray for enlightenment

Answer 3

Oh my gosh, you sound exactly like me. I swear. My husbands family lives nearby and bothers him all the time, he has 8 siblings, so it feels non stop, as for his mother, shes like the queen or something and she knows it. She try's turning him against me all the time, saying stupid things like.... I don't rinse my dishes well enough, so I caused him to get diarrhea. Or, she isn't comfortable at our house cause I am home. Makes me so mad, I run my butt of catering to her and his sisters. I have always given an extra hand when possible and a babysitter when needed. My husband is always off running his mom now that she is telling him she isn't comfortable driving herself around anymore, but funny thing is, she will hop in her car and head out to Wal-Mart alone while he's at work! I tell him what she did and he uses the excuse, well she's old and wants company, why don't you go with her. I love my husband allot to, but after 10 years this family bond thing he has going on has not changed, but since his father died, it has actually gotten worse. My husband will always side with his family over me. It's very hard to deal with, so I know how you are feeling. All I can suggest to you is this:

Go with the flow, keep his family close, because if you rebel, they will play him against you. Make sure you keep communication open with your husband, tell him you want to feel like his number one priority and that he spends alot of time away, you may also tell him that you would like to have the same amount of attention he gives his family, that once a man marries he makes his own family and is supposed to make his new family his top priority. Scare him a bit by telling him you feel lonely and need some extra attention from him. This will make him afraid that you may go elsewhere for love.

Gosh girl I feel you.... I could write a book on what I have been through with my husbands family.

His family split us up once and I found the key to us staying together is to keep them close and at arms length so that they can't turn him against me. Doesn't mean I have to like them or trust them, but at least then I have an idea about what is going on or what they are saying about me.

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

When a man marries a woman he starts his own family. Your husband needs to get a reality check and realize that. If you are unhappy with your current situation then you need to tell your husband that and also tell him that if things don't change then you will have to leave. It is very frustrating to have interfering in-laws because it takes away from time that you and your spouse should be enjoying together. Good Luck

Answer 5

I married a mama's boy. I am actually seeing my old life through your words. I was once the the same boat until my father-in-law died. I asked my husband if he wanted to die like him - lonely (because his life was much like yours and mine). He said no so I said he needed to straighten up. I pointed out the details of when he hurts me by giving priority to his family BEFORE my kids and myself and said "look if this keeps on happening, I will not give you a choice between us". "I love you but I also would like to keep respect for myself enough to seek my own happiness which you can not give, even if it is the cost of this marriage". I told him that I am at the point of moving on but still love him enough to believe we can keep our friendship should things head towards that direction.

I specifically indicated what I "wished" he changed and why I am asking him to. I never asked him to cut ties with his family but instead asked for him to re-arrange his priorities and show us that we are #1 on the list.

He's made amazing progress since, there is very little work to be done and now I can honestly say our marriage is stronger than ever.

On side note, he never even knew what he was doing is wrong, his family never realized they were getting in the way of our marriage, they did not know that what they were doing is wrong either. They all just thought that since he was the oldest, they should be able to rely on him for every little thing.

Answer 6

RUN, dont walk, RUN to the best divorce attorney his money can buy. Empty all the bank accounts and put the cash in a safe place, or in an account in a friends name. Change the locks on the door and tell him he can go live with his mommy and daddy. He will never change and neither will his parents. If he doesnt understand that he has a new family now, (i.e. you), that he needs to spend time with, he never will.

Answer 7

I've been sticking it out in a similar situation for 8 years and I'm miserable. The problem is they never will realize that anything is wrong. In their eyes, you will always be the one who's wrong. Unless your husband is more understanding than mine, he will always live 2 seperate lives - the one with us and the one with his family. It's a hard life, it sucks and looking back, I wish I would have been smarter earlier because now sticking it out and being unhappy is like a bad habit - hard to break. Good luck with whatever you decide.

Answer 8

He is a Mamma's boy and always will be. There is no chance that you will change him.

Think about what you love about him. Is that enough to put up with this for the rest of your life?

He is so hooked on his mom that he does the same thing for his sisters. When his mom dies he will just gravitate to his sisters.

One of my best friends had a relationship with a guy just like your husband. He always said that his sister was annoying and he did not like her, but when his mom died, his sister practically became his new mom. He now does anything his sister wants.

The best thing for you to do is to move on. It may sound harsh, but it will not get better.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 9

You have 2 things you can do. 1) tell him you are his wife and to treat you with respect like he does his family OR 2) leave his ass and tell him that until he can live without his mom there to cuddle him, that you won't be there.

He'll never appreciate you if you continue to allow him to take you for granted and to walk all over you.

Answer 10

face it dare you married a wipe. a man is suppose to take care his home first not his brothers, sister, and mothers. he needs Dr. Laura listen to 640AM 12noon-3PM Mon-Fri she will put him into his place. she has some good books out easy reading paper back book you need to get them she has one called Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships by Dr. Laura C. Schlessinger there's your help. read these books listen to her talk radio show she hates husband like yours.