i will not do it w/out shorty's blessing....but i think little dude just gets a kick out of me letting him control a part of my relationship w/ his dad.....i know i love the liitle guy and vice versa, but @ the same time i don't want him to continue seeing me "living in sin" w/ his father.
2006-11-21 04:49:58 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know a lot of people say do it anyway, but l can see where you are coming from.. It's hard to say when or if he will come around to your side of the coin but as you grow with him l think he will get used to the idea, and be happy for the two of you..
2006-11-21 05:50:23 · answer #1 · answered by john316tdh 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep in mind kids this age also like to do (or say) the exact opposite of what you want to hear. Little boy likes to feel important and sees he is currently in control and is taking advantage. Just get married. If you love each other (you and the little guy) like you say you do, he will quickly get over it. Chances are he doesn't even know why he is protesting.
Best thing to have done really was not to "ask" him like, "can your daddy and I get married?" but instead "tell" him"your daddy and I are getting married." then you can go on about how he can play a very important role such as wearing a tux, walking down the aisle with the ring, etc. etc.
It is not too late to tell him though that you gave him enough time to think about it, that you have heard his opinion and though you are aware that he might not like it, you and his daddy are now making an adult decision to get married. tell him life does not always let you have what ever you want, that it is ok to get mad but he will need to get over it by the time the wedding comes. That if he doesn't he will be the only sad person that day because a wedding is a happy occassion and if he is sad, no one will want to be with him. When you tell him this, do it at a place where he likes to be, set him up to be in a happy mood and tell him when he is in the best mood of the day. Kids this age don't like to be different from everyone else and he will most likely comply.
Easier said than done? I have gone through 4 4-year-olds. They are fully capable of understanding this situation. Kids these days are smarter than we all think.
2006-11-21 13:52:10 · answer #2 · answered by Georgina 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Four years old is a hard age to deal with. He probably does get a kick out of being able to control something. I think you need to decide how important the blessing of the boy is to you, and decide to either leave the situation or continue with out it. You might find that when he realizes he doesn't control the situation, shorty goes ahead and gives his blessing rather than loose you or see you get married without it.
2006-11-21 12:57:37 · answer #3 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is 4 just remember that! He needs to see that one he can trust you but two don't let him think he can run you around. That is what he wants that is part of being a 4 yr old their goal in life is to see how far they can get away with things. Also just remember this is a very big deal for him because you are not is mom and he does not understand that. Just love him, even if it has to be tough love for awhile in the end he with really appreciate it. Good luck! Also remember too not to talk negative about his real mom he with grow up resenting you about it.
2006-11-21 12:58:40 · answer #4 · answered by Frank R. 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The child is 4 years old and has no real understanding that you want to marry his dad other than he may be afraid he won't see his mom again.
Talk to your boyfriend about this. The decision should not be put on the child, it is not fair to anyone involved. The boy can definitely be a part of the wedding though.
Good luck.
2006-11-21 12:54:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you are the grown up, not the kid and although I can see your point in him being happy too, you cannot base your life on the thoughts of a 4 year old. If you go ahead and wait for this blessing, then you'll be forever asking his opinion and he'll know he can rule you from this day forward, which is something you won't want when he is a teenager.
2006-11-21 12:58:54 · answer #6 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Asking for a blessing from a 4 y/o shows that you know little about child development, and parenting.
Too big a decision, too much pressure for a 4 y/o. You might as well ask him to do Trigonometry.
You should be forging a relationship, not quizzing the kid.
2006-11-21 12:53:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are letting a 4 yr old control your life. Stop!! Of course you want him to like you and be happy that you two are together, however you two are the adults here. It sounds as though your relationship with him is good, and ultimately will survive. Have a sit down with him with his father present and let him know you have decided to get married, and would love him to be involved.
2006-11-21 12:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Elvira 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Give him some choices so he thinks he is in control. Ask him if he wants to bring the rings down the aisle alone or w/a flower girl? It's not his choice who his dad marries, but it is his choice if he wants to be in the wedding. Start involving him w/choices about his particpation. Let him pick out the color of his tie. The key is to offer two choices you really are happy with. That way whaterever he decides, you won't care.
2006-11-21 12:54:58 · answer #9 · answered by Deana S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't really expect a 4 yr. old to give blessing to a woman who is not his mom,that he thinks he has to compete with for his dad's affections, do you?And that will be telling what to do everyday.You too love each other,get married and worry about shorty later.
2006-11-21 21:02:58 · answer #10 · answered by Willnotlietoyou 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋