my mother in law is always insulting my children?

Question

their nan is allways calling my daughters ugly and thick my youngest she likes only she laughs at her voice calling her a mouse and my middle one her just qualified as chorister she says sounds like a cat and is fat and ugly and well the eldest is just fat ive had it out with her but it only stops for a day or 2 they see her every day and i cant stop her from seeing herbecause she picks them up from school she is a good nangiving them what they want but her insults are hurting their feelings

Answer 1

Unfortunately in-laws are a common problem in society... If there's any way you can change the situation so that they don't see her every day then do this and tell her she won't see them again until she promises to stop insulting them. If the situation can't be avoided then you're just going to have to sit your kids down and explain to them that what their nan says shouldn't be taken seriously. I know it's difficult to explain to kids but have to be taught not to take offence to what she says.

Answer 2

Well, first off, you can so stop her from seeing them - you just haven't made that choice yet. It's helpful to understand what choices you're making.

So - is what the kids get from the relationship outweighing the damage done by her comments? That's something only you, and the kids, know. If she's wrecking their self-confidence with her constant criticizing, then they'd probably be better off seeing her less often.

If you want to keep this relationship going, then it's time for a flat conversation with your MIL. Suported by your husband, who probably is used to her ways, but might not want his kids to grow up thinking they're damaged goods. If he won't go, then it's time to go by yourself.

> Ma, we love you, and we know you love us, but I don't think you realize how much you're hurting the kids.
> Examples - when the kids have been in tears over something she's said.
> Maybe this is your way to tell the kids you love them (wouldn't be the weirdest thing a human being ever did), but they're not getting that message - they're hearing that you don't love them and they aren't okay with you.
> Ma, would you like it if we pointed out your flaws and insult you all the time? How would you like to come over to our house and be greeted with, "Hey, Stinky -- got that armpit problem solved yet? We bought some Listerine - after you gargle, we thought you might want to bathe in it?"
> See, rivers flow both ways.
> Until they stop flowing altogether -- and if you make the kids feel uncomfortable about themselves, it's really unlikely you'll ever hear from them once they grow up and get out on their own, and that would be a real shame, but it's
> your choice.

She may be receptive, she may not (people who treat other people, especially kids, this way aren't very happy themselves), or she may tell you to take a hike, think about it, and come back in a while. If she backs off, then you tell the kids that Nan has some stuff to think about and work out, and she'll be in touch with them later, once she's worked out whatever it is she has to work out.

Your choices are (1) live with things the way they are or (2) try to change them. Only you know which choice is best for your family. Good luck!

Answer 3

You need to explain to your monster in law that her calling your kids fat at a young age will scar them for the rest of their lives. People with Anorexia/Bulemia often were taunted like that as children, which led to their problems. That is a damned shame that a grandmother can say things like that about her own grandkids. If she doesn't stop saying those things, tell her she will be made responsible for the psychiatrist's bills and the hospital bills when your children have grown into 75 pound teenagers that look like they were in a concentration camp.

Answer 4

i would pull her aside in a private place and let her know that this behavior is unacceptable, rude, immature and just down right nasty and if it didn't stop right then, then she would not ever see her grandkids or me again. i would also confront my husband and ask him why he tolerates this nonsense from his own mother about his children. she is hurting them more than you know right now and it will show later on. she may think she's being clever or funny but she's not she's being cruel and mean and i guarantee you she knows exactly what she's doing. others are probably equally as appalled as you. if she says she will stop then give it one more family get together if she does it again confront her in front of everyone..don't yell, don't get angry just point out the facts. your children are worth more than appeasing the ego of an women who should know better. you may look like the bad guy for awhile but i suspect there are others in your family who thinks its awful too. protect your child at all costs, its better they never see her again rather than have to take this verbal abuse.

Answer 5

You can absolutely NOT allow this behavior. Would you tolerate this from your children? There are a few golden rules you must instill in your children in order to raise decent human beings. That is your responsibility as a parent.
Grand mother or no, your job is to teach your kids that is not behavior acceptable, in order to do your job you need to address this in a civilized manner. If that can't happen you need to cut ties. Whether it is convenient for you or not.

Answer 6

Does your husband know she does this? If not, tell him. If he says it's just teasing, let him know it hurts their feelings and yours too- so it is unacceptable. Can anyone else pick them up from school? Maybe a little distance from her is in order, so she can learn to be a little more tactful. Even if you believe a child is overweight, there are productive ways to handle the issue, but name calling is just un-necessary and mean spirited.

Answer 7

Have the kids expressed to her that she is hurting their feelings? If not, try that and see if that works. sometimes people who pick on others, esp fam are really insecure about themselves. If nothing works, have your kids pick on her about stuff, and if she gets offended and hurt, explain to her that. that's they way the kids feel when she picks on them. I know its the wrong way to do it, but being nice isnt working obviously with her. she needs to be done the same way she is treated. Good luck

Answer 8

Why isn't your husband doing anything to stop this? He needs to tell his mother to stop immediately! Talk to him about it and make him do something.

Answer 9

have a serious word with your husband about this and tell him how you feel . And tell it to your mother in law straight out ! Ask her why she is doing this !

Answer 10

She doing this because she really wants to insult you.