To try to sum things up, I've been married for 5 years. We've been through a lot. My husband has been physically, verbally, and emotional abusive. I believe he has cheated but I'm not sure. I admitted to cheating with a woman a few years ago - and he still throws it up at me. I am now pregnant and in my third trimester. He's never around!!! We live in a remote area and he's all I have. He has been intentionally going on trips and leaving me at home alone. I've been going to most appts and even to prenatal classes by myself (with 10+ couples and me being the only one alone). He's been yelling and screaming at me and calling me all kinds of names. He hasn't helped me with anything around the house or period. I am seriously considering leaving. I feel like if he doesn't want to be around and help support me through this pregnancy then why bother? What do you think?
2006-11-21 04:29:49 · 31 answers · asked by Lia 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The physical abuse was early on and stopped a few years ago. The emotional and verbal abuse continue. It seems he is under the impression he only has to be around after the baby is born. He has not put his hands on me through the entire pregnancy. If he had, I would have been out the door the first time he did it. He has definitely talked down on me and is still bringing up how I cheated with a lady. Ironically, he can be a great guy sometimes. He has gone to a couple of appts and bought some baby clothes once. BUT - When it's bad, it's bad. My family has been there for me but live several states away and don't know all that goes on in my household. When I said he was all that I had, I meant that he is all I have locally. The next relative lives nearly 600 miles away from me. I see them when I can but it doesn't feel like enough. I know all marriages endure hardship but this seems a little over the top. Maybe I do deserve this since I cheated on him with a woman almost 2 years ago?
2006-11-21 05:03:33 · update #1
You should have left a looooooooong time ago. See if your family can help you out or even a battered women's advocacy group locally. Get out asap.
2006-11-21 04:32:52 · answer #1 · answered by E B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you feel so alone in this situation. You should not have to be alone. He is not being supportive nor responsible for the baby you have made together.
If you think it is bad now going to the classes alone, wait untill you have to take care of this baby alone.
He needs to pull it together and be with you right now when you need him most.
It sounds like he is fluttering around and I also would be suspisous of what he is up to.
Sit him down and tell him you need to have a serious talk without yelling. Even if he yells, dont yell back. If he starts treating you bad and yelling at you, walk away. Dont allow yourself to be treated this way. If he does not come around you would be better off without him. It would not be much different than the situation that you are in now, as you said you already have to do everything alone anyways.
He sounds like a real selfish jerk.
Stay strong girl and hang in there.
2006-11-21 12:35:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to make a choice as to wether you will stay and hope for a change in his behaviour,but this kind of change can only come by if he realizes that he needs to change and admits it to you.In such a case he would be happy to seek help from a family counsellor to help both of you on how to respect and love each other. The other choice you have which is easier is to separate and hope that he might realize what he is missing and if he doesn't realize it you have to gather the courage to move on and raise your child in a safer environment.It is better to grow in a home with a single parent than a home with an abusive father.I am speaking from experience of my own parents who were never in good books with each other but stayed together anyways and that has really affected my relationship with both my parents in a negative way.
2006-11-21 12:44:38 · answer #3 · answered by sherie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. The physical abuse part is the part I'm most concerned with.
Read this loud and clear:
THERE IS NEVER A GOOD REASON FOR ANOTHER PERSON TO PUT THEIR HANDS ON YOU. EVER. PERIOD.
The other thing that you need to know is that no one else is responsible for your happiness except for you. You are the only one who puts limits on your abilities, you are the only one who has power in your life.
Why are you still there? Is it for financial reasons? Is it because when it's good it's GREAT, but when it's bad, it's really bad? Is it because through it all you still love him?
You can be whatever and whoever you want to be. Don't give him the power that allows him to dominate who and what you are.
You're doing it alone now. Why not make that decision that says "If I'm going to do it alone, I'm going to do it TRULY alone."?
Leave him. Before he inflicts his damage upon your child.
2006-11-21 12:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by sdkramer76 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you stayed as long as you have, You should have left when he started being abusive { in any form }..Right now it is not helping the unborn child. With you getting all stressed out it affects the baby as well.
Pack up and leave, Move closer to town and tell him you need time to readjust your life and the baby's. Or pack his things and tell him he is out, until he makes up him mind about you and his baby. He sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do and now is a good time to start.
Change the locks on the doors and start living your life for yourself and the child's.
If you have to take it one step further, Divorce his a ss that should wake him up...
2006-11-21 12:39:36 · answer #5 · answered by Angell 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should of been out of the door the first time he put his hands on you. just becsause he hasnt while your pregnant doesnt mean he wont after the baby is born. do you want your child around to witness the abuse? its hard to leave someone you have a child with but maybe even leaving and taking his child would be a huge awakening for him. not too mention the next time he does it i would file a polioce report(you dont have to press charges) just to have it on record. if you do split would you want an abusive man to win custody over your child?
2006-11-21 13:16:28 · answer #6 · answered by Brooklyn 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already know what you want to do. Leave. There is nothing left for you in this relationship. The only thing you two have is unnecessary attachment and time. Also, I suggest you ask yourself if you want to bring a child into this environment...I wouldn't reccommend it, due to the obvious reasons you have stated.
2006-11-21 12:36:23 · answer #7 · answered by Yahoo! Answers Chic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it may seem like he's all you have, but you've got to find a way to leave him!!! This is unacceptable!! If you don't, you'll have to continue to be abused, and worst of all your kids will see it and grow up to be the same way. Your boys will think it's acceptable to hit women, and your girls will grow up to think it's normal when men hit them. If for no other reason, get out for the kids' sake. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, but you just have to get out. Period.
2006-11-21 12:33:21 · answer #8 · answered by anothermelody2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if he has been abusing you (in every way) I would definite leave (for know) maybe he will realize you are the one! I would pray on it as well! it may take awhile to see some changes but it helps! being with the lord changes a lot (it has in my life) I am sure it will do the same for you! weather you decide to stay or leave him the lord will help you
2006-11-21 12:54:28 · answer #9 · answered by D.J.4ever 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i have been there. I made really bad choices and ended up with a man who cared more about himself than our children or I. my opinion on the matter is, If he is yelling and screaming at you and he is abusive towards you how do you think he is going to be with your child??? Its one thing to stick with it when it is just you but you both deserve more than that and i wopuld ask him about counseling and if he doesn't want to go good riddance
2006-11-21 12:37:04 · answer #10 · answered by sarah r 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋