he was faithfull for 14yrs and now this has turned our 3 sons and my life into a disaster, It's so hard as she is a friend of a friend and i hear everything that is going on. He wont talk to me. he just keeps telling me he hates me,,,for some reason i dont believe him. i am so confused i dont know how i am going to get through this.
2006-11-21 04:18:10 · 16 answers · asked by lilaclace11 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Oh, Hon. This one is a hard one. Here it is…
You are probably walking in a dream world right now. You don't know what is real and what isn't. What he has done has torn not only your family apart, but also torn your heart out. What he has done is inexcusable and oh so selfish.
He is acting like a spoiled 10 year old with no impulse control. He is only interested in what feels good to him at the time. He not only betrayed you but your children as well.
He left his home and his family for a woman with an alleged drug problem. How he threw away a handful of diamonds (you and your kids) for a handful of coals.
Ask yourself, can you forgive that? How do you begin? If he walks away for so little, can you ever trust him again? Can you forgive him for being so awful? For being so disloyal?
Okay, you know what he did was awful. Let's talk about you. I would ask how you are holding up, but I already know. Not to well. That is why your question is out here.
You have some decisions to make. You can 1. Pick up your life and move on or 2. You can beg him to come back. He said he hates you. Do you want to go back to a man that hates you? I know you are hoping that the little hussy seduced him and he is confused, but all I can think is that he truly has animosity towards you and your kids. It takes feelings of hate and animosity for some one to slap their family in the face with an affair that a lot of people know about. That is what he did. He slapped the people who love him the most in the face. If he is really confused, do you want to go back to a man that can be that easily lead away from the best thing he has? His wife and kids?
It is time to reach deep inside of you and find the strength that I know is there. You are a mother…you have a lot of strength. I want you to remember who you were before you meet your husband. Remember your dreams and the things about yourself you loved before him. Let that give you strength and belief that you can get through this.
If you have girls and they see what is going on, they might think it is okay to be treated the way your husband has treated you. You have to show them differently. If you have sons, let them know that it is not okay by being strong and not begging your husband to come back.
If you do decide to let him back home, then make sure he knows that he has a lot of work to do. I suggest you go to www.marrigebuilders.com . That really helped me when I had problems in my relationship. I wish you the best and God bless, sweetie.
2006-11-21 10:50:17 · answer #1 · answered by ME 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your situation sounds a bit incredible! It is difficult to believe that after 14 years of faithful togetherness he would just up and leave you and his children, and for a junkie, no less.
Things like this don't happen just because. There has to be either an escalating motive or a sudden catalyst that made him do that. Is he an addict of any kind? Was your relationship more or less one with just the usual pitfalls? Can he possibly be blackmailed by this 'junkie'? There are many questions that need answering before I can even begin to give you any advice that would be at least, a bit helpful.
I can imagine the pain, betrayal, sorrow and confusion you must be feeling and the frustration and utter despair you are experiencing on behalf of your kids.
I would love to help you in any way I can but we would have to correspond for further information. I can be reached at; Rex97979@yahoo.com if you wish to talk further.
2006-11-21 04:35:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she turned him into a junkie too. With good friends and family you can get through this. My ex left me after meeting a woman at a trucker's bar (she was a lot-lizard, if you know what that is.....ewwwwww). Anyway, it always takes time, but all wounds do heal. Just remember, you are better than him and you deserve all the happiness in the world.
2006-11-21 04:21:49 · answer #3 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Life throws many different turns, it's all about how we're going to handle them. (Choices) first, acceptance is what you need. Accept the fact that it happened and don't look back. Chances are if he is with a "junkie" then he is using too. Get your divorce and live life to the fullest. Time is a healer of all. (I know, sounds easier said than done.)
2006-11-21 04:46:23 · answer #4 · answered by ~Jessica~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have been faithful for 14 yrs, but somehow, I doubt it. Usually a man that is caught or lets you know he has been cheating, only tells about or confesses to the one at the moment. But it is later learned that there have been others. I am sorry this has happened to you.
This woman that you say is a junkie, if she really is, he may have had a relationship with her before or for sometime now. He must feel as though she really needs him to save her per say and a big part of him must have needed to be needed in this sort of way. He is being with her trying to help her, but if she is a junkie in the way of drugs, as the word junkie usually means, then unfortunitly for him one of two things are going to happen. 1. He is going to fall into the drugs with her because he is trying to help her and pull her through and he is going to find himself sucked in. 2. This relationship with her is already doomed, but it will be short lived because he may get to the point that he realizes that there is no helping her and he pulls himself out before he gets sucked in.
As far as him hating you. NO he doesn't. After being with you for the past 14yrs and having his 3 sons with you as their mother, he loves you still. He may not be 'in love' with you, but nonetheless, he loves you still and he will always. He has reached an age in his life that things weren't so excited for him, it was a ruitene and he was getting board with his own life. NOT YOU. His own personal area of life........ his own person. He went venturing out to find something new to give him a spark in his own reality, which he could have found with you..........but he felt you were comfortable with the things were and didn't want to ask you to change. So, he went out to seek the change on his own. This is NOT your fault. YOU did NOTHING wrong. Its important for you to see that.
I highly suggest you go checked for STD's and other disease. If she is a junkie, then she has slept around on him to get her supply of drugs. And he has come home to you and slept with you.
YOU need to be the strong one here. Let your 'survival instincts' kick in and you take care of YOU and your boys. They need you right now. None of you may understand right now why this has happened and why your husband has done this and is doing this, but as long as you pay attention and think back to all the 'signs' he has been giving off and the way everything between you and him have been laying out lately and the way things come to play from today into the next few weeks, you will find ALL your answers. You must be open to them.
Once again, I am sooooooooooo incredably sorry for this happening to you. But now its time that you take care of you and your boys, and let this husband of your do as he will. YOU are still YOUR OWN person and you are still incharge of YOU and YOUR life and future. Blessed be.......................
2006-11-21 04:37:25 · answer #5 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear this terrible news. But you do need to understand one thing. He might be doing this to you and your sons because he has put himself in a situation that concerns drugs (and who knows what else)? And it is hard for him to get out of this addiction. Also he probably does not want you guys to have to deal with his stupidity & addiction. He may be believing that by him treating you this way and saying all of the hurtful and untrue words to you is helping you guys to move on with your lives and will make the love that you have for him disappear. But most people that end up getting themselves tangled up in this kind of horrible and awkward position never looks or thinks things out logically.
Good Luck To All Of You
And
God Bless!
2006-11-21 04:43:16 · answer #6 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How do you know he was faithful for 14 years. How do you know he isn't a junkie himself?
The best thing for you and your kids are to move on....i know it sounds simple but hard. Do it day by day and it will take time.
2006-11-21 04:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by Damzel in distrust 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i'm sooo sorry (really) i know how bad that is. my dad left us after beign married to my mom 18 yrs. and she never really got over it. it could just be some midlife crisis thing, or a crazy thing that he may regret, or who knows what. i dont know you or this guy. if your a christian or know any christians, i would suggest a lot of prayer, but please dont think i'm trying to push my faith onto you!! I just know that prayer works, it has in my life. motsly the only other things to do are try some counseling and wait it out. i know for a fact that after about 6 yrs of being divorced my dad told my mom that he was sorry. but it was too late then, she was already re-married.
2006-11-21 04:25:47 · answer #8 · answered by Anna Banana 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow this is a sad case well sometimes it happens maybe your ex feels that it was to much pressure having a family but in my opinion that is just not exceptible if he got married and had chldren he should take care of them but in maybe another way god did this so that maybe you could learn independance or this man was just not right for you and you will learn to notice that and you will probably feel pretty happy when you do!! remeber everything happens for a reason
2006-11-21 04:43:04 · answer #9 · answered by syllygrl78 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just for a second think what made him leave you for a junkie.....
2006-11-21 04:24:36 · answer #10 · answered by Lord Of Lust 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋