My boyfriend slapped me...?

Question

I'm pregnant and my 16 year old boyfriend is mad because all of a sudden he doesn't want me to have the baby or put our girl up for adoption. So I said "Well just don't help raise her then." And he got mad and slapped me across the face. He came back later and said sorry but he has been cold and distant for a while now. Ever since we started buying stuff for the new baby and picking out names. Even though he said sorry I still feel shaken up like I cannot trust him anymore. Has he just realized he is going to be a father? What the hell is going on?!!

I'm not putting my child up for adoption sorry. We already have things set up. I am just worried that is this the kind of father I want for my daughter?

Thanks for the person who said regardless of age you can be a great mom. That just really made my day.

Thanks for the person who said regardless of age you can be a great mom. That just really made my day.

When I say slap I don't mean like one in movies. I mean LEFT A RED mark and knocked me on the floor from the force. I mean a cold hard slap.

stonedcole I am NOT putting the child up for adoption nor am I associated with welfare so shut up and go die

Answer 1

Hi sweetie. I have read some of your other questions and answers and from the sound of it, even though your situation is not ideal, you seem to be dealing as best as possible.
Get counseling for your relationship with your boyfriend. As the father of your child he is going to remain in your life regardless of whether you stay romantically involved. He has NO right to hit you EVER. You need to get help to get strong enough (emotionally) to take care of you and your unborn daughter. Males who abuse females don't stop. They may say they are sorry, tell you they love you, buy you nice things, but trust me, he will hit you again and next time it will be worse. You and your unborn daughter deserve so much more than this!
Don't let him or anyone else tell you that you deserved to be abused. We all make mistakes, but nothing that you could ever do justifies a man hitting you. Please remember that and believe it and take care of yourself and your little one. I wish you the very best.

Answer 2

Okay number 1 any type man with morales and value wouldn't put there hands on a woman. Let alone someone carrying the life they created. What type of **** is that? 2ndly I mean he's only 16 so really what did you expect? Not saying that it was intentional, but at such a young age it's hard enough to deal with everyday teen adolescent life. Now you throw in the responsibility of bringing another life into the world, with zero know how. He was probably just having an emotional breakdown, which still doesn't excuse the fact that he hit you. That is in every way unexceptable in my book. Where is the respect? Now I'm not saying don't allow him into your child's life, however you don't want to be with anyone who could potentially harm either you or your child. He has to prove to you that it was a once in a life time mistake, which is going to be hard to do. Trust isn't something that you can buy. If at any time you feel that you are unsafe, please remove yourelf from that enviroment. You can always trust you soul. You just have to be able to recognise the difference between love and lust. You have to think of not only yourself, but your child's well being. If you have even the smallest doubt in your mind about this man, be willing to leave well enough alone. Because you could be potentially putting you and your child in harms way.

Answer 3

Fathers also go through emotions when going to have a baby but it never is an excuse to hit! My husband would rather die or kill than anything happen to me or his baby!! If you don't trust him then it would be best to stay away from him for a while. He needs to grow up and realize how wrong he is for acting out in such a terrible manor. Personally if a man put his hands on me and especially if i were pregnant I'd put his *** on the floor! Good luck and remember anything you do it's about that baby for now on.

PS~ Don't listen to these losers telling you to give your baby up it doesn't matter what age you are you can be a great mother regardless!!

Answer 4

Unless your parents are going to raise the child for you and pay for everything...You need to put this child up for adoption, you have good intentions i'm sure, but you have no idea what you are getting yourself into. Also he is a jerk, but what the hell were you doing having sex at 13? Thats pretty decent evidence that you are not mature enough to be a mom. Your not even in high school yet ! Whats the plan? take the baby to prom with you? And to cheerleading practice too? Think about this rationally and long term. Trust me your parents dont want to be parents again, they have you and i'm sure they love you alot, but I doubt they are thrilled about putting thier life on hold for the next 18 years for another baby. I'm not being mean...and I wish you the best. Be careful here though, what you decide now will affect your life forever

Answer 5

I think that when he sees those clothes it seems "real" now. Telling everyone that you're pregnant and talking about it is one thing. Feeling that baby actually move in your womb is another. Then it's for real. That's how it is for him seeing those baby items. He needs to get involved. You should remind him of the reality of the baby, and if he feels like he's not ready to be a father (a lot of guys get anxiety about fatherhood) get him some helpful father books. Remind him of his fatherly connection with the baby, and how that will make you guys a little family. If the baby is kicking, let him feel. You might want to try going to pregnancy classes, these normally include male partners in all aspects of the pregnancy. As for the slapping, most people get spiteful at hurtful remarks, but it should never physically intrude on someones personal space. He has disturbed you and your baby. He acted out because he was very hurt by your comment, but that of course is no excuse for his actions. If he just said sorry and was done with it, he is not sincerely willing to change his behavior. If he is withdrawn he may feel angry at himself for his actions, or unfit as a boyfriend or a father. This is a good thing, because it shows he is disappointed at his own behavior. If he is like this you should be supportive so he doesn't withdraw more, and encourage him to get help. But remind him that it's not ok to deal with anger like that, and tell him how much it has bothered you emotionally, especially considering how emotional disturbances can effect a pregnant woman and her pregnancy. Even if he is regretful, he will repeat the process again if he does not intervene with some type of treatment (anger-management classes) or knowledge (self-help books). If he makes no effort to change (actual effort, not just saying "I'm gonna change") then there is nothing you can do. Only he can help himself change, you can't do it for him.

Answer 6

You have every right to feel the way you do. Nobody has the right to hit you (or anyone else for that matter). You don't have just yourself to worry about anymore, your child should come first. If you are not safe, you cannot keep your child safe.

Just saying sorry isn't going to change the fact that he hit you, I don't care if it was a slap, tap, punch whatever, he put his hands on you. It is never right, especially while pregnant.

I don't really know what to tell you. Everyone who answers can tell you to leave, but its ultimately your decision. Choose wisely. I'm not going to say that it won't happen again or even that it will. You never know. Usually people are right when they say if they do it once...

You don't want your child around that kind of behavior, baby's see more than parents care to realize...

Please be safe, for you childs sake.

Answer 7

LEAVE HIM NOW! You are going to be a mother and you need to protect that baby. He says he loves you and he slaps you? If he loves that baby what will keep him from slapping it? He's really not that important. You can get help from other people. Do not stay with him just because he's the father. You and your baby are more important than that. it's going to be hard being a mother at 13 w/o an abusive jerk to smack you around. Believe me, I got pregnant my senior year of highschool and my then boyfriend now husband is the sweetest guy but it's still hard!!! It doesn't matter if he just realized he's going to be a father. If he can't handle it he should have kept his pants on!!! And he needs to start acting like an adult. Because you will be the adults of that baby. Adults don't pull crap like that! And he doesn't get to choose if you have that baby or not. It's your body. You are the one who has to either be pregnant and keep it, be pregnant and give it away, or haven an abortion. He doesn't have to go through that. If you want it, keep it. But, protect that baby and get away from him. You owe your baby that much.

Answer 8

Don't you DARE allow him to stay in your life. You don't deserve that. A baby deserves to grow up in a loving environment, not one where his or her father beats the mother. This is unacceptable behavior. I've seen it happen over and over.... a guy hits a woman, and afterwards he's SO sorry, but then a little while later he does it again. And guess what, he's sorry then too. It's behavior that cannot be tolerated. It is not normal and should not be seen as such. If you stay with him, he WILL do it again. Your child will see it, and think it's ok behavior. If your child is a boy, he'll grow up thinking it's ok to hit girls. If your child is a girl, she'll think it's ok for guys to hit her. Is that how you want your little girl to end up? PLEASE, understand that this is NOT OK.
A baby is better brought up in an abuse free environment than one in which there are both parents.

Answer 9

I would say he probably just realized he is gonna be a dad soon. He is probably scared for the responsibility and all the work. Give him some time and he will come around.

On the other hand I would never stay with a man who had lifted a hand to me. Especially when I was pregnant. That wouldn't fly. I would try talking to him and figure out what his problem is. I would also try telling him how you feel about him hitting you. Maybe then the lines of communication will be open and you will get the answer nobody here can give.

Good luck

Answer 10

I bet your both really scared, that is still no excuse for him to slap you !! Whats next weill he kick you or beat you !! What about the baby how will he handle it if the baby won't stop crying will he slap the baby!! These are all thing you need to think of!! You as a mother have to think for your childs saftey. I would suggest that yo and him seek counsoling fromyou r school or an outside source. If he ever touches you again in any sort of harmful way you need to call the police.