should i tell my child the truth about his father?

Question

i am 32 weeks pregnant ....i have been married for 3 years. I became pregnant when
my husband and I were split up ....my child is for another man. I have so many regrets but i can not change them. My husband and I got back together before I found out I was pregnant. When he found out he told me he forgave me...this has been so hard on me. I feel so guilty.Some people know the truth. And a lot of rumors have gone around. The man I became pregnant for is fine about my husband raising the baby and when asked he denys the child. Should I every tell my child the truth? My husband loves this child already so much.

Answer 1

If your husband is willing to sign his name to that birth certificate saying he's the child's father, then HE'S the child's father, leave it at that and the rumor mill will go on to the next "scandal." In time you may want to tell your child the truth about his/her parentage, but wait until he/she's old enough to hear something like that. I would handle it the same way one would handle a child they adopted. Best of luck to you, and btw, your husband sounds like a wonderful man for forgiving you and taking on the additional responsibility of raising a child with you. Hang on to him, sweetie!!!

Answer 2

The truth will come out eventually. You will always have the urge in your heart to tell your child the truth. It is best to do it in the begining. Tell him that you made a mistake but "(You husband's name)" forgave you and will always be a father in your childs life. Everyone wnats to know where they came from. A healthy open adoptions is a good example of what it must feel like to know the truth from the begining, it gives a child a sense of identity. Your child will always know who his true family is, maternal/faternal or not.

Answer 3

Maybe someday. You have a good 13 years to begin thinking about that though. Someone along the line will mention it to your son &he will come to you with questions. Do what you think is best. It also depends on how you define "daddy". If it is genetics...or who raises you & teaches you morals & how to throw a baseball. This is your call.

I met my husband when I was 3 months pregnant & the real "father" ran. He is raising my son. If he ever asks questions, I will be honest. But I don't know how I would initiate that conversation without them asking first.

Answer 4

My mother told me when I was 7 years old or so that the man I called dad was not my biological father and I used it against him every day after. I finally met my father when I was 14 years old and was happy to discover that we had many things in common. Today I do not talk with either of them much, but I am glad to know them both. The point of the story. I found good in it, but think I should've been a little older when my mother told me.

Answer 5

Okay here is what I don't get, I think I read that the child's father is actually an aid of John Edwards, or that is what they are claiming. Geez this woman gets around NO

Answer 6

My answer is no, don't ever tell the child. Remember that it's not who makes a child, it's about who raises a child. Your husband is going to be the dad to your child. That's all that is important. Anything else is just genetics.

Answer 7

If no one knew the truth, I would say - don't tell; it's your burden to carry. But being that some people "know" - the truth will come out eventually. So perhaps it makes more sense to 'fess up - even though you have to realize that this might mean that your husband won't want anything to do with you or with the child.

Answer 8

I think u should, no matter how painful it is for u or for your husband. Your child should not be lied to his entire life and u shouldn't want to lie to your child for the rest of his life. This will eat at you for the rest of your life if u r not honest with your child. What would happen if u two died, or what if he needed to know his real medical history someday? What if the guy who is the real father changes his mind and tells your child...do u want your child angry with u for having lied to him. Getting it out in the open won't be nearly as bad as u think it will in your head, I was in a similar situation and getting it off my chest was wonderful after 8 years of holding it in. What u did wasn't unforgivable and it is the past. Don't hurt your child by lying to him/her.

Answer 9

Your baby deserves the truth....What if there were medical reasons your child needed to know who there father is .My Aunt has cancer and needed a donor and after testing she found out that my grandmother had lied about who her father is my grandma took her secrets to the grave with her now my aunt will never know who her father was.

Answer 10

The child's "dad" is going to be whoever takes care of him and loves him. My husband is 21 and just found out that his dad (who passed away) wasn't really his "dad", but he knows who is really father is because that's the one that took care of him and was always there for him. So it doesn't matter, they're always going to think of the one that raises them as their father.