there is this guy that i know and sometimes he will intentionally set out to sit by me and talk to me, but sometimes he can be really mean on purpose i think and it really hurts me. i dont understand...please help!
2006-11-21 04:06:33 · 9 answers · asked by mwah 2 in Social Science ➔ Sociology
This is classic patriarchy in action. Bell Hooks, a radical black feminist (don't let that scare you) reminds us that boys and girls start out as peaceful creatures, but patriarchy molds them to its wishes. This has a traumatic effect on BOTH men and women. Fathers bring their sons up to be "men", and these caustic rituals are very damaging, with the effect of men becoming strangers to their own emotions. The result may be what you're experiencing: your fella really does want to be with you, and he needs your affection, but he's so accustomed to love being co-present with domination, he resorts to dominating to get what he so desperately needs. Women are trained to put up with such nonsense.
Even more alarming, and non-intuitive, are the harms mothers visit upon their sons to prepare them for the "hard" world of men and patriarchy, with similar effect.
I don't know anything about your particular details, so how you choose to proceed is up to you. Even though this guy may be hurting you, he may sincerely be trying to be with you. If you think he's worth having the courage and wherewithal to bluntly say that he hurts you, you could do so and ask if he's willing to acknowledge it, change in a meaningful way, and not let occasional mistakes deter him. If the idea of such a direct confrontation about his behavior is uncomfortable (REALLY uncomfortable), you may want to let this one go and move on to greener pastures.
Bottom line? COMMUNICATE. If you can't, there's no point in proceeding.
2006-11-21 04:41:33 · answer #1 · answered by See Edward 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem. I really like this guy and at time he will make it seem as if he likes me but then he does the exact same thing. Some guys are just complete assholes. Either they were brought up that way or its the influence from there friends. Either way, you shouldnt worry about him if treats you less than anything but good. It would be smart just to 1) let him go or 2) speak your mind and tell him to chill the hell out.
2006-11-21 05:43:43 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't respect you for you. Just leave him alone. He is or will be an abuser. He needs to feel like he has power over you. For some unknown reason he feels superior. DO NOT get involved with him. Please be care full of him and don't trust him in any way. I bet he can be a real sweet talker when he thinks it will get him somewhere or he wants something.
2006-11-21 04:15:20 · answer #3 · answered by fr2fish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For the most part, I agree with "See Edward". If you think he is worth talking to and want to get to know him, then tell him how you feel about what he says. If he likes you, he'll stop being mean. If he doesn't stop than get rid of him.
Life is to short to allow people to treat you badly. If you do allow it, you might start to believe you deserve to be treated badly and you don't. You deserve to be happy. We all do.
2006-11-21 08:07:20 · answer #4 · answered by medimom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he thinks he's being cool for his friends. He likes you but has to act cool when others see him with you. He sounds like an idiot. Just talk to him and tell him that he is offending you. Maybe he'll stop. He needs to learn that what other kids think isn't really what's important.
2006-11-21 06:54:15 · answer #5 · answered by heathermagoo13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he just doesn't have good people skills. He might think that he is just joking around and actually may be how he is to his friends. Just tell him about your problem and maybe he will stop.
2006-11-21 04:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by cabonarakittie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, do you be mean to him? If you do, than be kind to him and try to "turn things around"
2006-11-24 20:20:22 · answer #7 · answered by a 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hit him back some day
2006-11-21 13:15:32 · answer #8 · answered by markus 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because you let him steal your power, take it back darlin' and whoop his *** outa there...
2006-11-21 05:27:18 · answer #9 · answered by The walker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋