Has anyone been married and lost feelings for their other half?

Question

We have 3 small kids. He treated me bad for 11 yrs but I let him I guess. I have recently started standing up to him and feeling strong enough to leave him. I don't know if I will be in love with him again like before. He was very controlling and jealous. Do you think I can get the love back or is it a lost cause..

Answer 1

Once the passion has faded and you've been living under this bad cloud, it's hard to change your feelings about someone. It's been a lot of water under the bridge. With respect to you family and children, it might be too much to expect that you will find the magic again with your husband, even though you've become able to stand your own ground. Contrary to those that will advise you to go to counseling and turn to religion, my guess is that it is a lost cause. Thus your choice is to remain, yet life a double life which includes a discrete affair, or just part ways and move on. Good luck with this decision, it's not easy for anyone. Enjoy!

Answer 2

It may not be a lost cause. Once he realizes that he may really lose you, it may motivate him to change. I have seen it happen.

Bad marriages can become good marriages, as long as true changes are made.

One thing you need to understand is that *When You Change, Everything Changes*.

When you adopt new behaviors and ways of acting it forces your husband to also change. You can learn to be an "Actor" and it sounds like you are doing well on that already.

Something you still likely need help with is learning to set very firm healthy boundaries in a loving way, without escalating conflict, even if it doesn't work out with your husband, these are skills you can carry with you to have a successful relationship in the future, whether it's with your husband or a new life partner.

Dr. Henry Cloud has books addressing boundaries, and Dr. Willard F Harley writes on successful Marriage Building. Both are excellent at conveying information you can use systematically to make your life happier and more successful.

Answer 3

Yes, I'm going through this now. We've been together for 8 years. I was very much in love with him for a very long time and now feel that I lost that somewhere during the course of our marriage. By allowing and accepting the negative in our relationship for so long, he is now confused as to what went wrong. Every action he makes to try to fix our relationship feels fake to me now and in my heart I feel like our "marriage" is over but yet I will always still love him. I think once you lose that "in-love" feeling, it will never come back. Also, remember, you can't change someone and do you really want to? Even if they change for you, will they be happy? I know you've got tons of thoughts running through your mind because walking away from a long relationship just isn't that easy. Here's to being strong women, who deserve to be happy in this life - our kids deserve to see us happy too!

Answer 4

Like more than half of the marriages go...it's most likely a lost cause.

Answer 5

three kids eh, 11 years seems like you already expired, well check out the pros and cons of it and see which one ways the other out, but i would pray about it too, God can help

Answer 6

i don't tell anyone to leave but this is in your court what i mean is the ball is in your court and you dis-side what happens .....i would try and see if you still love him first and then see if he is still in love with you and try and see if it works and if it don't then you have your answer.......but know matter what you have to figure that out first and go from their........

Answer 7

I think you deserve a better person. Time to leave him and move on!

Answer 8

yes i've been there. i don't know what happened