Why is everyone's solution divorce?

Question

I read and answer questions under marriage & divorce, even have posted a few myself asking 4 help in my marriage, and the majority of answers r get a divorce. Divorce is not the answer, if u get divorced, the chances r that u will just get together with the exact same person in a different package & end up in the same place that u r in now (that was told 2 me by a marriage counselor). Y do people not try 2 make their marriage work anymore? In the old days, uwere shunned 4 getting a divorce, now, ppl go 2 the altar thinking "if it doesn't work, if I don't get my way, if I am not happy, I can always get a divorce!" What happened 2 the morals in this country? I think Yahoo-ers need 2 give real advice if they want 2 answer a question, not just say "get a divorce" 2 get their 2 pts. If that is the best advice u have, go 2 a different category 2 answer questions. Give advice on how to really make it work, what worked 4 u and what they can try 2 make it work 4 them. Help ppl on here.

Even in cheating situations, divorce is not necessarily the answer. There is a reason for the cheating and that reason needs to be brought to light b/4 someone jumps to divorce. Trust can be regained and any problem worked out.

Answer 1

Why not ask my ex-wife who thought it would be better to go out with a 53 year old married man instead of working on our marriage. (Just a little vent here, I'll feel better, LOL.)

I do believe too many folks give up too easily, or don't really try at all, or have unrealistic expectations of what marriage offers.

Marriage is not give and take, it is give.

I don't recall anything in my vows that said I'll be there unless I'm not happy. They were a pledge to be there, regardless of circumstance.

Too many folks either don't take traditional vows, or don't really think they mean anything, given the numbers of divorced people today.

I don't know how to help folks decide that they are going to try. All it takes if for one of the partners to bail out for the marriage to be over.

So we can coach and coach, but if one partner is selfish and chooses affairs, or abuse, or abandonment and divorce over working through the issues, I really don't know how you can solve that.

I certainly wanted to work on the issues, but was unable to convince my ex-wife that her affair with a married man was a worse solution than working on our marriage.

And the courts and society at large seems to go right along with her line of thinking. If you are unhappy, don't bother looking at yourself, blame your partner and find another seems to be the way things are done.

I agree, often they will end up with the same problems because they too are part of the problem, but failed to address that aspect of it.

You can run away from your spouse, but you cannot run away from yourself. So if you have things that you need to address about yourself, then do that BEFORE you choose an affair or divorce.

Answer 2

Most of the questions on here regarding marriage involve infidelity, drugs and abuse. I cannot give the advice of "work it out" to these types of situations. People deserve better than to be treated in such ways.

As for the ones that are looking at an ex as something that they might like to try again, I always tell them to stop all communications with the ex and work on their marriage.

The truth is that people make mistakes and choose the wrong partners. Perhaps the other person misrepresented themselves prior to marriage. Should a person work it out with someone that they are not happy with after they have tried everything? I don't think so. Everyone has the right to be happy in life.

Answer 3

Divorce is neither the placement nor the answer the placement is Society with all that's technological advances life has develop into too basic and we've too a lot free time to stay on trivial issues with out each and every of the exertions our ancestors had to cope with we've a lot less appreciation for the human beings and issues in our lives the more youthful generations assume a lot extra for lots a lot less attempt and save on with this idea to their relationships they are unwilling to artwork at making a reliable courting so even as trivial complications develop they abandon the courting and seem for a extra useful extra uncomplicated one respect, duty,Tolerance, Appreciation are all issues that are lacking in failed relationships because the vast majority of persons refuse to earnings something from their previous thoughts the cycle keeps of their next courting

Answer 4

People in our society are use to fast, and disposable. Marriage to some is just that. People aren't willing to put in the work it takes to make a marriage last. People need to realize that marriage is a commitment and needs to be viewed as that. There will always be circumstances for divorce, but to divorce just because you want another person, or he/she doesn't give me what I want. There is a huge difference between a want and a need. People need to take marriage seriously!!

Answer 5

Right on. People are lazy in their responses probably because you see a lot of the same questions and a lot of the time the best advice is "You need to talk to your spouse." People that answer that way I think sometimes are ones that have never been married. I too believe divorce should be the last resort - not something you do when you tire of or "fall out of love" with your spouse.

Answer 6

When people get married for the WRONG REASONS, divorce is very, very often the only way for the two people to salvage their lives.

Real advice comes from recognizing reality. Not all marriages can be saved. Not all problem marriages can be made workable by counseling. If the people weren't mature enough to be married, then they shouldn't be. It's not "play house". Marriage is serious and should be for people mature enough.

Answer 7

First off, I don't think that anyone goes into their marriage with the idea that they will become part of the statistic and one day be divorced. I know damn well that I didn't although I am happier now that I am divorced. Some people could've tried harder or focused more on their spouse and the relationship instead of themselves. However, what do you say to the person who gave everything and is still being mistreated and disrespected to the point where they are miserable in their current marital state? I was cheated on several times as well as endured both emotional/physical abuse from my then-husband. I pleaded with him to go to marriage counseling (wouldn't go and then when I had the divorce papers ready to go said he would just to keep the marriage together but not bc he really thought he had any problems with anger or infidelity), moved out several times to give one another space, tried to be there for him and did everything in my power to keep us together but the last time he cheated on me was enough. Divorce isn't necessarily the easy way out and you can talk to the majority of people who have been through one and they will tell you first hand what an emotional roller-coaster it is. I never wanted to give up on someone that I loved but when it jeopardized my own emotional* and physical well-being and was forcing me to compromise my dignity and who I was just to keep someone in my life who definitely did not deserve to be, it was the better (although not easier choice). I stayed for a long time bc of my daughter and bc of the fact that I wanted to keep trying to make this work so that she would not also be a statistic and have to suffer the impacts of having one parent missing in her daily life. However, after he cheated on me again I realized that she was far worse off if I stayed in a relationship that communicated that it was ok to mistreat a woman and where both people seemed to be unhappy. I think that from the little bit of information that is given in these question and also from the circumstances that go beyond it, as well as our own personal experiences, many people do suggest divorce. I have seen one too many instances where questions resembled my own past circumstances and I offered my experiences and the advice and lessons that I have been given and if I have or do recommend divorce to someone, I say so out of the fact that far too many people STAY in a marriage that is detrimental to their well-being only to finally leave so many years later. If someone does adhere to my opinions, that is there choice and just because someone comes on here looking for advice does not mean that they have any obligations to follow what has been offered. I look at it as something to be considered and allows for an outside perspective that we might not be able to see since we are on the inside and they are on the outside looking in. Like I said, most people do offer real advice and I can't believe that you wouldn't consider it to be a valid answer just because they conflict with your own views. As I had mentioned before I offer advice based on what I see from their question, what I have been through, and what seems like the best option in resolving their problems. If you don't like the advice that is given, then don't listen to it....

Answer 8

I partly agree with you but often it is not a question of one's commitment to marriage, it is instead a cruel fact of life that it takes TWO to be married.

If one of you is continuously unfaithful, or one of you deserts the marriage financially or physically, or one of you is a parent and the other refuses parental responsibilities, the end result is the same.

These are examples of two SINGLE individuals-regardless of the "legal paperwork" that binds them together. Married is supposed to be more than a sheet of paper.

I'd rather have a real divorce than a phony marriage.

Answer 9

They do so, because that's all they know what to advise.

Not everyone's answer is the same, and that is how this ANSWERS thing is suppose to work.

Also, it seems as if people don't take into account everything that hangs upon a marriage when they are so quick to think divorce is so easy to swallow.

Answer 10

You make a good point......however living unhappy for what ever reasons....really is not good for anyone...kids, family, wife, husband....I think in the old days couples hide a lot of their indiscretions and lived very private lives.....Many of our Grandmothers and Great Grandmothers couldn't afford to live on their...they just couldn't support themselves....so they didn't have any other choice but to live with their husband happy or not....

You are right about the advice on getting help in a Marriage first....I agree with you....only now a days....things are different......