I am terrified of confrontation, and can't even defend myself or my opinion, not really sure what to do. Help?

Answer 1

Quite common. Nothing anyone can say here will change that, but you can change. Get some professional counselling (and if it doesn't work, try another counsellor - not every match works out). The most well adjusted people, I think, are those who are willing to seek counselling in order to improve their social skills or the way they see themselves.
The most likely cause is that you once got really burned when you confronted someone, or you might have lived with a lot of conflict inthe home as a child, and are now terrified of anything that approaches conflict. Many possible reasons, that are worth exploring, but that can best be done with someone who has had a bit of training in that area.
1. You find out why you are terrified
2. You work at dealing with the emotions from the original cause of fear
3. You practice (it's hard work) going through a different thought and behaviour pattern, bit by bit. Don't try to change totally overnight. You know, the Aha! I've gotten over it! syndrome. That's always disapppointing.
A friend of mine likes to repeat the question: "How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!
So don't jump to stage 3 without taking the time to work your way through stages 1 and 2.
Again, I can't repeat too often: Get a good helper for this, whether professional or not, but someone who understands this kind of thing.
I am a pastor, but I must say, not all pastors can help you. Too often the response is: "Pray about it. God can help you". It's true, but there are means we have to work these things through!

Answer 2

Okay I'll help You. Start by looking in the mirror. Make eye contact with Your self. Tell Your self that You have every right to the same right that any one else has to Your perfectly valid opinion whether that opinion is correct or not because it's Yours. Repeat this again and again. Next, ( After You've become confident enough with the first step that is, Hey it may take a little time but that's okay! ) voice Your opinion about anything to a close relative or friend. Before You commence tell them about Your confidence issue so they don't shoot You down. Do this for a while till Your comfortable with that. Once You've got that down go to a fast food restaurant and complain about the food You've been served. Tell the Manager straight up that it sucked. don't snivel for Your money back, just tell them that it wasn't to the standards You'd expected and demand an explanation. No matter how much You want to run away, DON'T!!! When they're finished talking thank them and leave. See how that feels for You and I think You'll be okay. If You can't do these things then You may need some serious counseling that You'll never get from the Internet. These things I've thrown out are simple but effective, if You need more than that then You may benefit from professional therapy, don't let that put You off it's helped millions of People. Good Luck eh, I don't know You but I do hope You'll be okay; no one need be silent from fear.

Answer 3

As far back as you remember, you have alway been, correct? No matter what happened in the past or previous confrontations, you have come out all right. Bear this in mind the next time you need to defend yourself. Whatever hostilities are exchanged in discourse, you will still BE after that fact, so what do you have to lose? Only your own perceptions of inadequacy. Also, keep in mind that everyone is in their own little world in their heads, in which they are the center. If someone disagrees with you, just remember that it's only in their own personal paradime and most of the world simply doesn't care, so you need to decide what YOU care about and act upon it. Good luck!

Answer 4

Oooh, a wimp... I can bully you and get my way with you...

What you need is self confidence.
It starts by believing in yourself.
Find something that you do that you do better than anyone else.
It can be anything from ferreting out information, to collecting bottlecaps, to playing games, etc. etc.

Using that one thing to build on - start to be more confident in yourself. Even if it is in just that one area, be totally confident of yourself and your abilities in just this one area. Try engaging others in conversations and online chats about this one subject. Find other people who are interested in the same thing. Talk about your experiences, listen to their experiences, and then ask if people would like advice on anything. Give the advice based on your experience.

This is all to build you up, from the ground up.
All it takes is small steps.

To also help, you need to take some small risks with things. Confront the smaller fears you have one by one and try to overcome them. If you are afraid of spiders or reptiles or things like that, visit a place that has a petting zoo for them. Try to pet the creatures. Dont go for the full enchilada of holding them just yet, just reach out with a finger while someone else is holding it and pet it. If that seems terrifying to you, find a good friend that you trust to bring along with you and have them hold the animal or insect for you while you pet it.

Things similar to that will go a long way in the end.

And finally, you need some help to strengthen your mind. Examine some martial arts, find out the psychology behind them, and then pick one that makes you feel comfortable. There are usually a lot of good positive self assurance things you can learn from martial arts. Even if you are totally against fighting, there are martial arts that are all about evading and have zero fighting techniques at all, and there are even others that are all about the relaxation of the body.

I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 5

The sooner you stand up to him, the better. I verbally degraded a bully once so bad that he actually cried. We became good friends afterward, oddly enough. I've also had to suck it up and punch a guy square in the mouth. The trick here is that you have to get a real mean-on, land the punch and keep swinging. Don't let up. The instinct to not upset the herd will kick in after about 30 seconds and someone will break it up. The point is, the bully will go after someone easier to pick on and leave you alone.

Answer 6

Well confrontation is difficult for many people, including myself. One way I found to help defend my opinion was to learn as much as possible about subjects that I knew would be attacked. Also, knowing the other side of your stance will allow you to combat their attacks. This way you wont just stand there with nothing to say.

Research your topics (both sides) and prepare yourself for what might be said. This tactic will work in many other aspects of life.

Be prepared.

Also, once you know that you know what your talking about stay on the topic. Because once you start winning they are likely to stray off onto tangents.

Good Luck. Give' em hell!

Answer 7

Before you give an opinion think it thru. Think about all of the possible arguments against you and be prepared to counter them. Believe in your thoughts and opinions. I was like this and people thought "Well he must know he is wrong since he didn't respond." I decided to know what I believed in and what I stand for and now I am confident. Also, if you're not sure about a topic, stay away form it. Not having credible information can make you appear weak.

Answer 8

U have to be strong & more confident. Don't let others confront everything u say or do. Have more self confidence & gain respect from others.

Answer 9

I thought you did just fine when you just expressed yourself. If just takes practice to get good at it like everything else

Answer 10

you need confidence.
take a martial art like aikido, judo, karate, tai chi to learn how to be more confident.

learn to face conflict. it will be best. study conflict management to learn how to deal with conflict. avoiding it will ruin your life. i should know.