Male friend of over a decade ago , lets call him Dan, calls unsuspectedly and tells me he used to have a bad crush on me. It was obvious from the phone call he never got over it. I always knew but never led him on. We were more like best friends. Today he has never married and has no kids. I'm married with children. My marriage is a disaster but he doesn't know that, I don't think?! We are miles away from each other. For now I hope to work on my marriage and really don't know what the future holds. I do know that Dan is a wonderful guy, well a man now, with strong values and really deserves someone without a past and someone that can correspond him like he deserves. I know I'm not the one for him and even if I thought I was... I'm taken, so to speak. I'm glad to hear from my "friend" I have actually missed that friendship. I am flattered but uncomfortable to hear about his crush because I can't correspond. What would you do about this without losing a wonderful friend?
2006-11-21 03:40:47 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell Dan just what you told us, that you're flattered by his feelings towards you, but are uncomfortable since you are in a committed relationship and cannot reciprocate his affection. Then say that his friendship is important to you, and you value it, but just as a friend, and that as long as you're married, that's all it can ever be between you 2. I wouldn't tell him about your marriage either, that's none of his business.
2006-11-21 03:44:19 · answer #1 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's kind of too late because he crossed the line and 'went there' with that information. He opened up totally to you, and because you do not feel the same, he will now feel an intense rejection.
Just let him down easy and let him know that you care for him as a friend, but it will never be reciprocated in a romantic way. Just be gentle because it will undoubtedly break his heart if he's been pining away for you for all of these years.
2006-11-21 03:48:23 · answer #2 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WHoa...dude! She WAY overreacted! Not only was she being racist (although I must admit, that was pretty funny! Coming from a w3tback myself! XD) but she just totally embarrased you and herself. You handled yourself VERY well :) What you should do is go ahead and call her up and explain to her calmly that again you are flattered that she likes you, but she must understand that you are in LOVE with your current girlfriend. You hope that you two can still remain friends, and tell her that who knows what could happen in the future. Maybe you're just not the right guy for her at the moment Hope I helped buddy :)
2016-05-22 07:22:42 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, you can't keep this guy as a friend. He will never be satisfied with just being your friend. To keep the "friend" charade up would just be silly for him to do. He'll have to deal with the pain of pretending to be happy for you when you have someone...there are just too many uncomfortable situations here to list, but you know what I mean. Let him know the score and be ready to lose a friend. Its for his own good. You may have never led him on, but to encourage him to stick around would be giving him hope he apparently doesn't have.
2006-11-21 04:08:39 · answer #4 · answered by Chris D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish i could tell u but i have the same problem too. Only that i took on my friend as a bf and then told him i just never felt comfortable being with him. Now he is hurt and emotinally stresssed over poor old me. If he is trully ur friend he will respect any decision u make .Thats all i can say. GOOD LUCK.
2006-11-21 03:46:53 · answer #5 · answered by brambram87 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOO THAT'S A HARD ONE BUT IVE BEEN THERE BEFORE....FIRST I WOULD EXPLAIN TO MY FRIEND HOW MUCH HE MEANT TO ME BUT THAT RIGHT NOW I REALLY NEEDED TO FOCUS ON MY MARRIAGE AND I WOULD TRY LIKE HELL IF THAT'S WHAT YOU WANT TO RESTORE YOUR MARRIAGE SOUNDS LIKE TO ME ITS NOT OVER YET THEN IF THE MARRIAGE IS JUST NOT GOING TO WORK OUT NO MATTER WHAT THEN LOOK HIM UP AND YOU AND HIM CAN HANG OUT BE FRIENDS AND SEE WHAT BECOMES OF IT HOPEFULLY YOUR MARRIAGE WORKS OUT BUT YA NEVER KNOW FOR NOW YOU HAVE TO BUT YOUR FRIEND ON THE BACK BURNER AND FOCUS ON WHATS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU
2006-11-21 03:59:12 · answer #6 · answered by NICKIE 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him exactly what you said here.
I bet he will respect your honesty...and heck, if things don't work out w/your husband...maybe he might like to wait in the wings as a friend.
2006-11-21 03:43:37 · answer #7 · answered by Miz D 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋