Disagreement between me and my husband, please help!?

Question

OK, my husband works for a big company that does signs, all kinds, and my brother in-law comment me that he needs to replace the signs on his restaurant. My husband was right next to me when I was speaking with my brother-in-law. So then I told my brother-in-law that maybe my husband can help him out, better yet could maybe get him a quote from where he works. My brother-in-law said that he was thinking on asking my husband for the same things. Then later that night, we brought it up and my husband then said that I say too much. That now I got him tied up with the issue of the signs with my brother in law. I told him, "All your going to do is just a quote"!! What's the big deal! My husband said that I should of asked him first....that I made a decision that he should of made. I told him that he's just over reacting to something small. I told my husband," your not going to do any labor, work in any way, you only going to get him a quote!! I didn't think he would mind.What do you think

No, no, my brother in law- isn't looking for a discount. He just wants price and that's it....nothing more.

Answer 1

You're not going to like this, but I agree with your husband. My husband works in construction, so there are always people that I know that want a quote or want to get some work done. I learned to tell the people that I will have to talk to my husband first. Why? Because by me suggesting or agreeing on behalf of my husband gives him a task to do, and he feels obligated to do it because it's family or friends. I learned that it's best not to give him added responsibility without his consent.

Answer 2

I believe that although you was only trying to be helpful and your husband should appreciate your effort you may want to suggest for your brother-in-law to approach the company for a quote not your husband as it is their business he just works for them. This way if your husband gets the job he will have to follow company guidelines.
You did not volunteer him and he should consider the fact that the guy was thinking about asking anyway. However dealing business between family can be a touchy issue.
Just look at it like a professional. Had the guy not known your husband did this kind of work- he would have called the company or other companies about quotes. So that's why he should do just that and if he wants he can mention your husband (that is if your husband would like the recognition?). Discuss this with him and then the brother-in-law and let the decisions fall where they may.
Good luck ;)

Answer 3

Well, I haven't heard the other side of the story, perhaps there had been incidents in the past that had led him to believe that you're "volunteering" him for more than he'd be willing to provide. From my own experience I know that sometimes there's an expectation that a family member will provide certain serivces for free, even for something that is business-related. So, I'm not sure if he's simply concerned that he might fall into this trap. Don't make it a big deal, just explain again that it would be great if he could provide a quote - and if he doesn't want to, then perhaps he could recommend another place where your brother-in-law can get his signs done.

Answer 4

If he's in the business, he can give your brother-in-law an idea on the price of a sign replacement. That's all you're asking. And why wouldn't your husband want to help out a family member? It's not like you said he has to give your brother-in-law a new sign for free or something. Just someone who knows something giving someone who knows nothing an idea.

I asked on here last week how much it would be for my brake pads to be replaced. I didn't involve anyone on YA anymore than what they thought the price would be. I didn't ask anyone to do the work for me. It's just nice that there are people who are ready to answer questions when they know more than you on a certain subject.

You're husband is overreacting

Answer 5

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Answer 6

I think he is overreacting slightly but I think he's more afraid of the brother-in-law asking for a "family discount".

True the quote won't take any time, but if the brother-in-law thinks he should pay something less based on family, the family will have some issues. Some people can get real petty over some things.

Answer 7

No I don't see the problem in anything you did, however your husband does, so now you know for future reference not to say anything again. The only way to smooth things over with your husband is to tell him you are sorry he is bothered by it and will never again mention his name in a conversation of that nature. There may be and probably is something more behind that, it might help you to understand if you could talk to him about it and find out what that it.

Answer 8

i don't think you did anything wrong, but it sounds like your husband feels obligated to try and get your brother in law a low price since he works for the company. it doesn't seem like that was your intention, so maybe you could try explaining to your husband that just because he's getting your brother in law a quote does not mean he has to try and get him a really cheap deal. your husband might just feel uncomfortable as far as the money aspect is concerned.

Answer 9

He is right, you should have asked him.

If it bothers him, it bothers him, and no amount of your attempting to justify how you feel changes the real fact that your husband said it bothers him.

So why not accept how he feels, support him and tell him you didn't think of it that way, and that he has a point.

You don't have to agree with him, but you can support that he has his own thoughts and is mature enough to decide what he is comfortable with and what bothers him.

It was wrong to attempt your blame shift, saying that his reaction to your attempting to cross his boundary was over the top.

It's obvious that he did mind, and that it appeared to him that you didn't think about how he would feel,or totally got it wrong.

If he got how you felt about something wrong, would you accept him telling you that you over-reacted.

I doubt it. You would probably want him to apologize.

So do that, go first and apologize and agree that you will let him speak for himself and that you will ask if he wants to get involved in such situations.

Answer 10

I can see your side of it - after all, he's in the business, and it would be easier for him to know who to ask about this. And after all, this is your brother-in-law, and families are supposed to stick together.

On the other hand, I can see his point too: I try to avoid doing business with family members - it can often lead to bad feelings, so you have to be very cautious. Also, if he had some other reason - business related - that made him uncomfortable with the idea, it would be more difficult for him to say "no" right in front of your brother-in-law.

So, in the end, I guess I would say yes, you probably should have asked him first.