Please give me some advice! I don't know what to do anymore?

Question

I am only human, and I know I rushed into things. Please don't judge. I did what I did, sometimes there is no explanation for things. But here is my story. I was single and living on my own for many years, always looking for the big love, dreaming about getting married...etc. I never was unhappy though. I thought that by having a man in my life I could be even happier. So after many disaster dates, I met B. at the end of May 2006. I fell in love right away, because he is an extreme gentleman and treats me like gold. We ended up getting married in Las Vegas on July 4th. Everything was very overwhelming and at that point, my feelings started changing and I started feeling caged in. Now we are planning for a formal wedding next year. I am not excited about it at all. I tried to talk to him about my feelings of feeling overwhelmed and that we got married to fast...but he gets very upset and can't understand. He is very sensitive and I realize more and more that perhaps we are not a good

match. I am very straight forward and say things the way they are, and he gets hurt by my way. I always have to walk on eggshells. he gets upset even when I walk in the door and don't give him a hug or kiss. I always feel forced to do things otherwise he is hurt. I am withdrwing more and more and I feel like leaving him. Now, of course I gave up my house to live with him, and the strat up costs to my new own place would be too high for me. I feel forced and trapped and I can't talk to him about it. He always tell EVERYTHING to his parents which annoys me like crazy. They would be pretty mad too if I would want to cancel the wedding. Give me some advice or a word of encouragement please.

Answer 1

have you considered marriage counseling? even if he wont go with you...you still need to go.....you have only been married a few months and sometimes(trust me i know) the first year is the ABSOLUTE hardest...if you want to make your marriage work it will take time and patience....but if deep inside you ..you feel there is no way it is gonna work and you are 100% sure about it then do not be guilted into staying in a marriage you are unhappy in...do whats best for you and fix this BEFORE kids get involved...good luck sweet pea

Answer 2

Every new married couple can tell you that the first year is the hardest. A surprising amount of new marriages end within the first year because the couple didn't realize that marriage is WORK. I felt caged too...like I didn't have a way out....that suddenly...I couldn't leave the relationship whenever I wanted to. It wasn't my husband that made me feel caged, it was that I had made a life altering decision...as you did. If you LOVE him....then give it some time. If he's not beating you, stealing your money, taking you away from your friends and family then just step back and remember how you got where you are. He married you because he loved you too remember? Give it time...everything eventually falls into place and if it doesn't....then thats when you should think about seperating. I would put off the formal wedding for now. Its hard enough learning about each others quirks and just learning to live with someone in general...you don't need the added pressure of having a huge event. If THAT is lifted off your shoulders, then maybe you'll feel a little more at ease.

Answer 3

I think what happened was you wanted the fairy tale, thought you got it, rushed into it and then got nailed with that bucket of cold water called the reality of human life.

Eros (The basic form of love) wants what it can't have and once it possesses it, doesn't want it any more. Eros is a cruel god, but that attraction and fire is what brings too people together. The point is to move from Eros to higher forms of love like Filia (Friendship and brotherhood) and maybe someday charity where your love for him goes well beyond anything he ever deserves or could earn.

He sounds like a good guy. He takes good care of you, loves you, is intimate with you so you are doing a heck of a lot better then most of the posts on this board. What needs to change is you. You can either accept that you are married, no longer single and need to share yourself and your life with him, or you can fight reality and try to replace it with the fairy tale dream.

The fairy tale doesn't exist. It never did. Love takes effort and practice. You made a promise and put on a ring. He's already tried to be the hero in the relationship, all you need to do is respond in kind. Let it go and take care of your husband.

You can do it if you choose to.

So why not choose to?

Take care,
-Rob

Answer 4

From what you are saying it's not like you actually thought about your actions, so you don't won't to hear about it, right? Anyway, there is no easy way out of this, you will have to tell your husband about what your truly want, (your freedom), and unfortunately deal with the pain & truma that it will cause for both him and his parents. The longer you put this off the worst things will feel and the more you will suffer for what has to happen. It's going to be hard, and it will take time for you two to get over, but it'll be for the best. As long as you were happy before, there shouldn't have been any reason to bring this on yourself. No one should need another person to make them happy, being with another person, (marriage or relationship) should make you happier if this is what you want. Having either of these relationships takes time and commitment and should be considered over time before getting into them.

Answer 5

I consider Ma'iingan and Mackenzie. Charlie - fail. i don't see everybody answering the question you have related right here with claims to be waiting to regulate the climate with magic. Directing prayers and therapeutic energies to those being laid low with organic failures is an entirely distinctive ingredient. No witch i be attentive to could attempt to interfere with mom Nature in the strategies of climate as you're suggesting. If it have been conceivable, and that i'm not asserting that's - such could be in all probability to reason greater harm than stable. If the extreme climate have been redirected, it may nonetheless ought to ensue someplace. we gained't make issues disappear entirely for goodness sake.

Answer 6

If you are feeling trapped do everything you can right now to fix that. If you marry him again it will only get harder for you to find happiness.
When it comes to a relationship, both of your emotions matter. Just because he may be more sensitive doesn't mean that his feelings are more important than yours.
Tell him exactly what you feel, tell him you feel like you can't even express your true emotions around him.

It may seem like you are hurting him now but trust me, you will be hurting him way more if you continue with a relationship that your whole heart isn't into.
Don't you want him to be with someone that can love him as much as he loves her? I think everyone deserves that.

Answer 7

I think you rushed into this before you were really ready to get married. It felt good at the time and you were tired of being single, right? So you went and got married...

Then you got to know each other.

Honestly, it doesn't sound like you two are a good match at all. If he's not willing to work through this, then you may need to go your separate ways.

Either way...good luck!

Answer 8

Sounds like you're possibly a free-spirited person... the feeling of being caged certainly can be overwhelming to a free-spirited person... I know the feeling.

You may just need to give the marriage a little more time... time to become adjusted to the tame, settled down life... then see what happens & go from there... at least give it a chance or two.

Answer 9

If you love him, give it a chance it is always hard to learn to live with someone. They say the first year is the most difficult one, He has every right to be upset, you should have thought it through before you got married. He is not just sensitive he is human, you have hurt his feelings.

Answer 10

Your husband is emotionally immature and probably wants you to be his mother. It is interesting to note that he still tells his parents everything. He is emotionally insecure (needs attention from you when you get home) and he does not seem to have the maturity to deal with relationship issues. If it were me, I would draw a line under this relationship. It sounds like you are gradually becoming aware that he is far too needy to be the husband you want. You are concerned about financial problems that would ensue if you were to split up but just think how much more difficult it will be when there are children (real ones, not undeveloped adults) introduced into the situation.

The final decision is yours - have the courage to go with what your heart is telling you.