if you and your partner both say you love each other to bits.why cant they stop arguing and splitting weekly?

Question

my partner is taking anti deppressants.soroxat i think.she drinks every evening.ussually a bottle of wine at least.she just seems to go around in circles.she has no direction in her life and does nothing to change the situation.she is 35 i love her totally,but after nearly two years of this i have to pull away.otherwise i am afraid i wiill be askig the same question in 2008!.i have two young children from a previous marriage. i never thought i would consider marriage again but if my partner could get out of this directionless stated of mind i would marry her.she never plans anything,never tries to fight for anything.just walks away from anything that she does not want to confront.then ussually declares she is a victim of just about anything.almost like a child. Her mum sadly passed away just over a year ago.she was better before but only slightly.we have looked for councelling,none free.

Answer 1

i have no idea...i wish i could no..it has to be either because ur afraid of not finding another parnter or because u reallly do love the girl, and u want to help her get through this

Answer 2

You need to get out of this destructive relationship. It is doing neither of you any good, you because you will become bitter at loving someone who doesn't appreciate you, and her because with you there, she doesn't have to rely on herself and get the help she obviously needs.
Maybe it is her past that is causing her to be like that, I know I went through several years in a similar state, and my then boyfriend, (obviously nothing like you as he manuipulated my state of mind and TRUELY made me a victim, physically and mentally) put on the pretence of wanting to "fix" me. I saw pyschologists and psychiatrists, but I was so used to the chaos and the bad habits, I thought they were part of me.
They weren't!!
I eventually woke up and for mine and my daughters sake, I was the one that walked away in the end, as I didn't want to continue being an emotional drain on another person, nor allow my daughter who was beginning to understand what was happening to see I was so weak.
It was the best thing I ever did. I read a lot of Tony Robbins, Stephen Covey and M Scott Peck and 4 years on, I am still single, stronger than ever and have the love and respect of my 13 year old daughter.
I never want to be that dependant on another person in my life, nor would I want to be part of a relationship where the other half feels they have to stay, in part, out of obligation.
You wouldn't keep putting your hand in a fire because you loved a particular piece of wood that was burning. Its the same in life, why continually cause yourself pain within the context of a relationship when there is apparently no hope of the pain stopping.
You have done your best to make this relationship work, but it isn't and so you are just going through the same motions and hoping for a different result. It isn't going to happen.
Buy her some books, tell her you will always love her, but you think you are doing more harm than good by staying. WALK AWAY. Do the right thing for all involved, especially your children.

Good luck

Answer 3

I have found that no matter how much you love your partner you can not change them. The most you can do is be there for them and when they are ready to change, then you can help. It can be a very frustrating and heartbreaking time. It can last a long time. When someone is hurting and or suffering from a disease they do not always see the way things are. There is no hope and it is frustrating to not be able to just be happy. I have included a link for the national institute of mental health. They have a search locator for all kinds of free and low cost services. By the way, how are your children doing in this environment?

Answer 4

Sounds like you need to come up with the money for counseling then. Your alternative is to check out some Self Help Books. Go buy her the book, "Proper care and feeding of men" by Dr. Laura

Your partner is selfish if she is always the victim and unwilling to compromise.

Sounds like someone is addicted to chaos or else you all would prefer peace.

You need to open the lines of communication in this relationship. Both parties need to compromise and start acting rationally.

You should probably sit down and figure out what attracted you to the relationship in the first part. Reminiscing can help rekindle a relationship.

If she's drinking and doing drugs, I think you need to coerce her into getting help....or get out of the relationship. It'll only get more abusive from here....do you really want your kids around that?

Answer 5

Sometimes what you may think is love is really a need you have to be with someone. Your relationship sounds very unhealthy and stressful. She is not trying to help herself with her depression, as she is drinking every night. You cannot help someone who does not want help. For your kids' sake, move on. If someday she stops drinking and becomes healthy and you are still single, you could reconsider her. In the meantime, think about how good it would feel to come home to a peaceful home every night, without someone there to fight with you. You say you cannot afford counseling---think about what a bottle of wine a day costs, if she wasn't drinking, there is the money! If it's helpful to you, write down a list of Pros and Cons about the relationship so you can really weigh out if all the stress is worth it.

Answer 6

1. She's mentally ill if she's on drugs and drinking. She has a problem.
2. She's very immature if she spends her time drifting through life half loaded.
3. Your kids are sick and tired of her and the attention you devote to her!!!! If you marry her and subject your kids to this moron, they'll never respect you.
Sick people are not your best bet for a happy, calm, stable relationship. By getting involved with the wrong woman (weak, flaky, damaged, needy, desperate, stupid, untrustworthy, immature, etc.) you think that your love will save/transform her. IT WON'T!

Answer 7

the arguing and the splitting shows that u really miss each other, the love is there, juz that sometimes both of you too much thinking of yrself, and busy thinking about how to solve other problem and cant accept others opinion, try to sit down and talk, juz talk about other thing, not your problem. Change the topic, try to avoid talking about problem that both can querrel and fighting. Try to understand each other more, and the love is there, juz build the love is more important.

Answer 8

you dont need councleeing...my parents are the same way and i hate it but that dont matter cuz they want me out in two weeks...but in my case its my stepdad that drinks...honestly think about the kids because i know how that affects me and my brother and my sister...its horrible and not a good life for kids...you dont want them to grow up and see their mother as a person thats drunk and doesnt love her kids....dont marry her...its not worth it and it will cause you alot of pain in the end

Answer 9

Walk away please! I was in a relationship with someone on soroxat who drank every night. While they are in this place you can't help. My boyfriend became extremely violent and pulled a knife on me when i refused to sleep with him.

For your kid's sake - leave and stay away.

Answer 10

Let it go man, sometimes love is just not enough.