I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant. I am so happy and excited, but yet I am terrified. I am 26 years old and my fiance (of 7 years) and I just seperated 2 months ago. He is the father of this child and we still live together. The reason we broke up was because I lied to him about a financial situation with my parents...and he now feels that it was as though it was because we didn't trust him - honestly, my parents were just embarassed and I was only respecting their privacy by not telling him... He wants to be in our child's life, but he is not sure if we are going to end up back together. I need advice on how to break the news to the family over thanksgiving dinner. What do I say when they ask me the status of our relationship...Please help :)
2006-11-21 03:23:26 · 25 answers · asked by ~Why~ 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
If you just found out you are pregnant, remember that ALL options are still open to you for a short period of time.
2006-11-21 03:29:35 · answer #1 · answered by iknowtruthismine 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Number 1: Yes keep the baby. I know you are scared and so was I when I got pregnant. My now husband and I were only dating for 2 months when I got pregnant. We didnt even have a courtship. And also at least he wants to be in the babys life. Giving up a child is a hazardous sacrifice that will most likely eat at you for the rest of your life. Wondering what the baby looks like as he or she gets older and whether or not he or she is in good hands. If you are considering abortion dont. The baby has a heart beat and and a spirit that you would be killing and also there is a chance you may never be able to get pregnant again. I know some women that have ended up that way. Having a child has been a glorious experience for me.
Number 2: If your family loves you they will understand the decisions made between you and your fiance'. Just tell them them the truth. And really its none of their business so you dont need to go into detail unless you want to.
2006-11-21 11:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by sweetangel 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Darling...first relax, all the stress is not good for the baby. When I read this...I had to reread it several times to fully understand it. I know that you are asking about the baby but there is a few other things in there...that I would like to help you with.
I am 27 and I am 19 weeks pregnant. My guy and I have lived together for only 6 short months, and have only been dating for two years this week. The pregnancy was a surprise and although a wonderful one it was and still is very scary for us. We have fights about finincial issues all the time, who doesn't but this is never a reason to break up with someone you love. What you choose to tell about your parents is your own choice, and should not be judged by him. It is your decision what you tell him about your family. I say this bc I have a father who is not a very nice man, who walked away from us two years ago and never looked back. When he did all the lies of the family came to surface...my mother tried to protect us by not telling us, it took me an incredible long time to get to a point where I could tell my guy everything...and even then did not include everything!!! I think you need to sit down with your man and tell him this is ridicolous, you now have a baby and you need to put this crap behind you. That baby needs a mother and a father, and if you love each other then forget the past and move on!!! When we found out we were pregnant...all the problems of the past went away. You have new ones now...and he needs to grow up and face those new ones.
Now...on to your actual question. This is not a movie, and is not the kind of news you break at the dinner table on a holiday. Trust me...while you may be excited with it, you have had time to settle with it. Putting it on your family so quickly will only hurt you in the end. They need time to adjust to the idea. It is not something that you say at dinner, but in private. It will cause problems, and most likely set the tone for the dinner, which should be happiness not worry!!! The question of your relationship is not the issue here when it comes to telling them at dinner...it is what is appropraite and that is not the time or the place.
As for keeping the baby. You are 26 years old, and maybe in a relationship. Having this baby will be hard...but will also a wonderful experience. Now that I am 19 weeks...I am so happy that we did not abort. I can not judge you on abortion...it is something that you have to figure out on your own. It is a very hard decision and one that should not be taken lightly. I know that there will be days when you are happy with this and days when you are not...trust me that is normal. I go through times when I am scared to death but then I know that God did this for a reason.
People on here will say some mean things to you about abortion. Please ignore them. This is your decision and your decision only and should be left to you. Make sure no matter what you decide that you really think through it. It will affect you for the rest of your life. I know so many people who have had abortions and are happy they made the decidion bc it was right for them. No matter what...make sure you get support from someone. Hopefully your man will wake up and take responsibilty for what is going on...put his feelings aside and take care of his momma and baby!! Either way...true freinds will remain your freinds during this time, and boyfreinds who are good men will take care of you.
Good luck...and if you ever need to chat...please feel free to email me. MaryCatherine26@yahoo.com.
2006-11-21 12:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know the timing may seem crazy, but God knows what is best. I can't tell you what to do, but I could never abort a child. I can tell you that a child is a gift, no matter the circumstance. My father and I were not even talking for over 5 years, and my son who is now 2 years old, has brought our relationship so much closer. If he wants to be in this child's life, then you are much more blessed than so many women in this world. Run with it. Children have a way of showing you that life is precious, and you should live life to the fullest. It may not bring you and your fiance back together, and you should not use this child in that way; however, I know from experience that a child can truly make your life enjoyable and complete. Please let us know what you decide.
2006-11-21 11:42:15 · answer #4 · answered by HairLover 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think you answered the question in your second sentence. Have the baby and be happy. So what if you are broken up. There are lots of single Moms out there. I am glad that he wants to be a part of the child's life. You can explain to your family exactly what you told us. I am sure that they will understand. He might end up looking the fool in the end. Just eat alot of food and when they ask say you are eating for two. No, seriously-go and talk to them before dinner. Tell them about your pregnancy so they won't be shocked. I wish you the best of luck and love. You are going to be a great Mother. Enjoy this blessed time.
2006-11-21 11:36:53 · answer #5 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Do what you want to do, it's your body. But keep in mind, if he does not want it (although it takes 2, and he didn't keep his zipper up) Men don't get preg and you will be the one to bare the the financial, physical and emotional part of it by yourself. With abortion now as your right, If you choose to keep this child remember don't harp about it when times get hard. You made that choice so be prepared to live with it.
I personally have never been in any position to have an abortion, but I won't encourage or detour any one that wants to get one. Some people crack me up, some like to preach about "keep it, it's innocent" but at the end of the day it's your blessing/problem.
The same people are not going to be there to help you out if you find yourself in a rut after the fetus turns into an actual person, and you can't make ends meet or function how you want to in life.
It's your choice, just own it which ever way you go.
2006-11-21 23:15:36 · answer #6 · answered by Moi 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
More than half of you guys missed the whole point of this question. If you aren't going to read the whole thing then don't bother. She isn't asking whether she should keep the baby. She's asking for advice on how to tell her family. Tell them the truth about the baby coming and how happy you are. Will the bf be there? If not then you tell them you're going over a hump, but are working on it. Plain and simple. Your family loves you and will understand. All relationships have rocky parts. Ok. I'll take my thumbs down now.
2006-11-21 11:42:56 · answer #7 · answered by Joanne B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Been there, done that. Honey if your happy and excited you obviously feel strongly that you want to have this baby. Its a good thing that the father wants to participate. I have a beautiful 3yr old daughter named Ashlyn, her father took off when she was 1yr old. I go to college and work full time and raise her on my own. I wouldn't change anything for a second. I would not know what life is without my little angel. God gave you a gift, this happened for a reason, go with the flow.
2006-11-21 11:36:26 · answer #8 · answered by Danielle F 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you 2 have been together for 7 years and separated over you keeping your parents personal business personal?? it wasn't any of his business to begin with...but having his baby is a bigger deal the what your parents have financially you should sit down and speak with him tell him the news and tell him you don't want to play games this is serious either he wants to be with you or not...then if you 2 decide to stay together then both of you can break the good news to your family...if he decides he still wants to be separated i suggest he or you move out and get on with your lives if he wants to be in the child's life let him but move on with your own life...as for telling your family tell them the truth....be happy about your baby even if no one else is they will come around
2006-11-21 11:34:45 · answer #9 · answered by bellababi44 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell them the truth...tell them you are trying to work things out. You need to tell them you are pregnant as well...that even though you two arent together he will still be part of the baby's life. Just b/c you arent together is no reason to ask whether to keep the baby or not....there are so many other options out there. TRY to work things out with him and maybe get the family involved on the financial aspect to explain why you did what you did...hope that all made sense!
2006-11-21 11:30:36 · answer #10 · answered by Get_R_Done_n_Dallas 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Right now you are both unsure of your relationship, but you are sure you both want the best for this child. You need them to be supportive right now and to be happy for you both. If you both go into this loving that child more than disliking each other, it will be ok. Having parents that are spilt but get along well is alot better than married parents that hate each other and fight. Be happy. You are having a baby! And for 7 years you loved that man. Sounds like a pretty decent basis of a relationship to me, even if its just sharing parenting.
2006-11-21 11:30:10 · answer #11 · answered by Velken 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋