How do I talk to my wife about finances?

Question

My wife and I each make about $50,000 a year, we both have credit card debt and student loans. we bought a house last year, so mortgage payments too, and we have two boys (12 & 15)

So far we have been ok, but I don't feel we are getting ahead with our debt reduction. The house market is starting to go down, and interest rates will go up.

Every time I suggest we make a budget and cut some luxuries (like cable TV) she gets mad and accuses me of not trusting her with our banking. Now she also has her mind set on buying a new washer/dryer! the set we have are old (about 15 years) and normal capacity, but they WORK. She insists that we need new, larger capacity ones.

I will probably get a bonus for Xmas, and she wants to use it for the washer/dryer.

We've already borrowed money from her parents twice, and I can't ask my parents for any. What we NEED is a budget, but she won't talk about it!

What do i do? I thought about asking her parents to intervene, but that might make it worse.

Answer 1

Well, it is important to talk fairly about finances in any relationship. You just need to sit down and have a respectable heart-to-heart.

Frankly, though, it kind of boggles my mind that you are having these problems. My fiance and I only make $28,000 a year between us...we have only a few luxuries (i.e. cable TV and Internet) and are struggling to pay for our wedding next year (which will cost a total of $2,000). I'm not sure how much you are paying for things, but it is surprising that cable TV is the first thing you thought of to let go. It isn't all that expensive.

I think that if you and your wife sit down and make a list of the things you are paying for each month, you will realize where your money is going. It is possible that you are spending too much money on going out to eat, for example, and you'd be surprised how much money that will save you. In the end, it might be that you can save some money, and your wife can get the washer/dryer she wants. You just have to both want this and be willing to work for it.

Good luck.

Answer 2

You want to control your own finances 100%? You should have thought of that before you got married. How would you like it if the situation were reversed and your wife was pressuring you about your earning "potential"? (By the way, how much do you contribute to childcare when the kids are at home and other chores? There's a monetary cost attached to those, too, even if you don't have to pay it because she's got it covered.) Look at what you're both bringing in as a whole, figure out what needs to get covered, then what you'd both like to see it spent on, and then see what's left over for discretionary spending for both of you once that's gone. If it turns out you need to kick in a little more so that the first two categories get covered, especially if she's not as enthusiastic about something you've deemed a "want"...well, sometimes that's just how it goes. Oh, P.S.: Didn't you have a husband two months ago?

Answer 3

you really need to come to an agreement. can two walk together unless they agree? take the boys to your parents and you and your wife sit down and really talk about these things that are a great concern to you.let her know that you are really concerned about the budget and you do trust her , but that there needs to be a change in the spending habits. i would cut out the credit cards before cable. the boys need entertainment.this is family time during t.v. time.also cut out other spending that is not neceesary.get some quiet time with your wife and try and not argue but come to an understanding .you can go to a financail advisor as well. there seems to be a communucation gap there as well.sit down with your wife and go over the budget and let her see the spandind habits of one or two weeks and let her see the savings you would have if you both would be more cautious.

Answer 4

I think you should meet with a financial counselor. A good one is independent and may charge you a few hundred dollars but it will be worth it. This person can help you direct your dollars toward different goals such as debt reduction, college savings, and setting aside dollars for household emergencies.

In addition, a third party won't get emotionally involved.

By the way, your sons are old enough to do their own laundry. Maybe if you make that one of their chores, the capacity issue won't bother her so much!!!

Answer 5

1. Don't get your parents involved. You're way too old for that and it WILL make things worse.
2. You may want to get a third party involved like Consumer Credit Agency.
3. They can work with you on a budget and explain to both of you why it's necessary.
4. As for YOUR bonus, use it to pay off YOUR bills BEFORE she can spend it on a fancy new washer & dryer.
5. Teach your kids financial responsibility NOW before they end up like Mom.

Answer 6

I know exactly how you feel! I have gone through this with my husband. We sink deeper and deeper into credit card debt and then when I try to discuss it with him, he gets defensive.

How did I solve it? I refi'd the house, paid off all the debt, canceled the credit cards and put some cash in the savings for emergencies. I wrote down all the debt, our income and what we pay out every month and showed it to him, right before I told him that I was going to refi and get rid of the credit cards. I told him that, at the rate that we were going, we can expect to lose the house in 6 months.

Maybe you can do the same thing. Write down income, outgoing, balances owed and show it to her. Have a plan ready..."if we do this, then we reduce our debt by this".

Good luck!

Answer 7

Ultimatums do not work, and will eventually work against your happy marriage. Of course, your needs for security going seemingly ignored by her actions are also a great cause for concern and will erode your own marital satisfaction.

This conflict *will* run your marriage into the ditch.

The key to figuring this out is to learn to negotiate successfully, and to resolve conflict effectively, so that you both can feel enthusiastic about the outcome.

*ps my hubby and I are happily married 25 years.
Please take a read through this site:

Answer 8

Sit down together and do all the bills each month.
This way you both know what comes in and out of the house.
Keep the parents out of this, they won't help you win her over.

Answer 9

Ask her why she refuses to talk about money. if she again comments that you dont trust her say "Of course I trust you but with you keep throwing the trust issue in my face I am begining to wonder if there is a bigger problem here"
If she will not discuss this there is a problem that maybe she doesnt want you to know about

Answer 10

I guess you can suggest an ultimatim. Either you both agree to a budget, OR the finances will need to be split down the middle.
You handle yours, and she handle hers. See who comes out ahead after 3 mos.