Is it ever justified for spouses to have secrets from each other? Or, does a healthy marriage mean no secrets whatsoever? My wife is pressuring me to tell all. Should I?
2006-11-21 02:23:59 · 15 answers · asked by Tom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, you should tell all. Be completely honest, but you don't need to go into graphic detail. Also let her ask the questions and respond to her questions.
Revealing all is not the key to a healthy marriage or an unhealthy one, but honesty and openness is.
Take a cue from you wife and let her ask the questions, don't try to hide anything from her but only respond to what is on point with the question.
If there is some issue that would substantially affect your marriage though, get it out now. The longer it festers, the harder things will be when it gets out. That is the only thing that you need to volunteer.
when she does ask a question though... get it right out.. don't try to obfuscate, be direct no matter how embarrassing or stressful the response is and absolutely try not to be defensive... be matter-of-fact but not flippant.
if anything you tell her gets her emotional or angry, or causes a fight, then deal with it as calmly as you can and don't try to place blame for whatever you did, just talk it out.
Even before the conversation, come to some ground rules... if she asks you questions for you to answer, she needs to understand the same is true for her.
2006-11-21 02:49:55 · answer #1 · answered by jryanwinterhaven 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what your secret is so that makes this a little hard to answer. If you have been very faith full to her in every aspect, and have not broken the law in any way, I can't imagine what would be so secret that you could not tell her. Question is, do you ever plan on telling her the whole thing? I would say that if it was a gift that you bought her or a surprise that you are going to spring on her later, then it would be ok to keep your secret for now.
When you don't keep secrets from one another, you are not only being honest with each other but it also means that you do communicate with each other and that is the foundation for a great marriage...communication and honesty.
2006-11-21 10:49:48 · answer #2 · answered by SapphireB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Secrets can be the explosion in a marriage. It leads to dis-trust & emotional break downs. There shouldn't be anything secretive between 2 married people. The only exception to this rule is gift giving. Secrets cause all sorts of problems & your spouse should be your best friend, your confidaunt, your everything... so if there's something you're hiding... chances are she'll find out the hard way. Wouldn't you rather it came from you to begin with? It would save a lot of trouble in the long run. Trust me, don't keep secrets from your spouse.
2006-11-21 10:43:59 · answer #3 · answered by its_me_horses 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Lets put it this way. You and wifey are at the mall. Some stranger, a handsome guy comes up HUGS her and they talk really excitedly about not seeing each other in a while, etc etc etc.
After Handsome stranger leaves You ask wifey who he was and you are shocked to find out that she was engaged to dude for 3 years and she had this whole other thing going on with this man and you had no idea.
If its a secret like that, then maybe you should fess up. If its that you collect Star Trek trading cards and watch America's Next Top Model faithfully and you are embarrassed about it. Keep it to yourself.
2006-11-21 10:46:17 · answer #4 · answered by babygyrl_nyc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honesty is the strong foundation for a lasting marriage. If both of you are faithful to each other, than why not speak the truth? I wouldn't be married for 8 years if I wasn't open and honest about my thoughts and feelings. Even if they hurt sometimes. Communication and honesty are the key.
2006-11-21 10:27:01 · answer #5 · answered by Deana S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh good Lord. Of course it's ok to keep a secret. But now you're going to have to tell a lie to satisfy her curiosity. If you don't, you'll really be in hell with her. Just make sure it's a lie that hurts nor implicates no one. Good luck to you!
2006-11-21 10:28:09 · answer #6 · answered by sapphire_velvet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's better not to tell all. It really doesn't serve any purpose if it is going to hurt someones feelings. I think we all have secrets somewhere we dont tell. As long as you are not being deceitful intentionally and repeating that mistake, I would ask myself, "What purpose will it serve to tell all."
2006-11-21 10:33:42 · answer #7 · answered by ♥monamarie♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That depends on what "all" is. I still have a few secrets from my husband, and theres no reason I will ever tell him.
2006-11-21 10:28:17 · answer #8 · answered by A.C.Girl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay i am not sure on what secrets you are holding but i don't think you should hide anything because you are suppose to be friends as well as lovers so to me you shouldn't have any secrets unless you know it will hurt more then help........
2006-11-21 10:28:58 · answer #9 · answered by missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still have your own personal life.
Just don't be cheating or hiding any bodies in her trunk.
I believe my Pastor said it best when my wife & i lit our unity candle. He told us NOT to blow out the taper candles because we are not extinguishing ourselves. We have lit the Unity Candle together and we are still individuals with our own thoughts and needs too.
2006-11-21 10:30:44 · answer #10 · answered by Joe Somebody 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋