What do you do when you are at a crossroads in life?

Question

I am at a crossroads in my life.

I have just started a new job that I do not like. I defintely know that I want to change jobs.

But, in the back of my mind I have another issue to resolve. My child lives with my ex husband in another state. She is 14. I was thinking of going to visit her for a few days.

I asked my daughter and she suggested that I come over Christmas. I could do that, but then I would have to put my job search on hold or delay the start date.

She does not want to come and visit me for Christmas. I have visitation over Christmas per the divorce decree, but my ex has never followed it.

She came to stay with me this past summer after I have been in another state for 3 years. My ex and her came last Christmas for about 10 days.

My ex and I had thought about getting back together, but I don't think it will work out. He says that I am not "marriageable material' and am messed up. He also says that I am the most selfish person he knows.

Answer 1

Sounds like your daughter wants you to come to visit her at her daddy's house and doesn't quite understand that you have alot of problems with her daddy. Sometimes you have to have a daughter/mom talk with her to make her understand that things are not working out with her dad and by the sounds of it, he is still criticizing you and he is the one with the problem and needs to grow up and try to accept you as you are "if" he expects things to even work between the two of you.
As for the your job hunting.. maybe that should wait until after christmas when you make a fresh start. But one things for sure.. make your list to do and one at a time. Right now you have a job you hate yes but at least its a job and you have money to get you by at least for now. Its not the end of the world. You just feel stressed because you don't want to let your little girl down and she doesn't understand its over with your husband. I know its hard but you will get through it...

Answer 2

Sounds like life hasn't gone the best for you. Although I don't have children, I understand, as I have run my gamut with bad relationships and unfulfilling jobs.

My advice: Take some time and think carefully about what you want. Don't be afraid to dream big. Remember that good things take time to build.

I just read an article about a famous actor - he talked about having a big dream and building it one day at a time. Sometimes when we are in difficult situations we want to change them NOW, which makes us make snap decisions and often times lands us in worse places.

Imagine that you are in a 20 foot deep hole in the ground, and that the only way to get out is one inch at a time. Now, while you are inching your way up the 19 feet and 11 inches, you will still be in the hole, but you will be moving in the right direction.

So 1) Sit down and think about what you want. Write it all down. 2) Plan it reasonably, step by step, setting small, obtainable goals for yourself. 3) Take it one day at a time.

I hope this helps. It's miserable to be in a situation that we can't fix quickly, but just keep moving in the right direction.

As far as your daughter - she's 14, give her some time. Be consistent and loving with her, even if she's not. She'll come around, and if she doesn't, it won't be because you didn't try.

As far as your ex - I'd love to say that he's all wrong and should be shot. But just remember that sometimes the people close to us know us better than we do ourselves. Think about what he says - extract the truth and throw away the lies. Recognize the good things about yourself and build on those.

Remember, the power to change your life is in your mind and how determined you are to make it happen.

PS. I hated my life 2 years ago... decided to leave my job and my hometown. Moved 400 miles away, met the man of my dreams, and am now married and happy, and we are building a company. :)

Answer 3

Sounds like you have some real issues to work out....start with yourself. What will make you happy? Do not get "stuck" in a job you are unhappy in...it will carry over into all aspects of your life. You may end up with a lower paying job, but very happy doing it! Less stress lets you enjoy life more. You need to take care of yourself first. If your ex does not follow the divorce decree, then you need to talk to a Lawyer, unless things are ok with you the way it is. It sounds like your daughter is happy where she is, and at age 14 this is very important for her; mainly because she needs to know that she has love and support thru both of her parents. Your ex's personal opinion of you should not matter; it's over and done. You have a child together, and therefore that is what should be important to both of you. This means that if he has those opinions, they shoud remain his own. He should not let his opinions influence your daughter. She is old enough to form and have her own opinions, and it is important for her to know that both of you love her. You in turn need to heed the same advice here, don't let your personal feelings of your past relationship and marriage influence your daughter's opinion of her father. So, he thinks you are selfish...maybe you are, but you are still his daughter's mother, and evidently at one time he thought you were the most wonderful person on earth, or he wouldn't have married you in the first place!

If you have the means to support yourself and put off the job search, do it. Otherwise, just be up front and tell them you can't afford it. If you can't be with them at Christmas, volunteer at your church to serve a meal, or get together with a single friend and share dinner. It won't be the same, but it will help you get thru the day...or if you find a job, and they are open on Christmas, Volunteer to work Christmas Day....it will pass the time, and visit your daughter the first chance you have enough time to do so. Perhaps, a Holiday without Mom will influence her thoughts for next year. First and foremost take care of yourself...when you do, you will no longer be messed up or unmarriageable....believe me, your whole life will change. When you are happy within, you will be ready for the world! God Bless, and Good Luck! PS, if you get the chance talk this over with your ex. Focus on your daughter...both of you. Once you do, the other issues will not be prevalent.

Answer 4

I think you should go for your job but allow a few days to go visit your daughter. If you get a job most businesses are closed for the main days at Christmas time. Don't worry about what your ex says about you just prove him wrong. On the other hand if you are mixed up there is always help out there if you need it. Speak to your local doctor and he will lead you in the right direction where you can see a councilor and sort your self out. Good luck

Answer 5

Sounds like you have issues. Drinking being one or drug abuse. I do not think your ex would have custody of your daughter if this was not so. Your own daughter seems skeptical about you.
Maybe you are selfish if you do have issues. That would be accurate I'm sure. You must be under 30 and likely still searching for answers. Your child is worth three times what you are worth, or should be. She is at an age when she really could use a mom. I hope you find a way to love yourself again and love those around you that care.
Unconditional L O V E is hard to come by. In your life your daughter is one person that loves you this way, and parents if they are alive. Other than that, no one.

Answer 6

i'm properly over two times your age and that i've got been at that exact same crossroads quite a quantity circumstances. Our outlook on life supplies us the context to physique in spite of we see. I definitely have some associates while the come to a crossroads they simply shop shifting forward, others who're so glum and indecisive they wait at a crossroads until something pushes them on (and that they have the nerve to cry and whine with regard to the entire adventure). nonetheless each crossroads is extremely a sequence possibilities and it greater valuable to have possibilities (even undesirable ones) than none in any respect. one ingredient i admire approximately your question is the certainty which you're a thinking individual, maximum adults are engaged on the long slide into turning out to be thoughts ineffective by utilising the time they hit your age. i could propose looking an activity, being a collector or gourmand issues will consistently grant you a link into like-minded people. Being area of an area will enable you to from feeling completely on my own (nevertheless enable's settle for it we actually are). next start to enhance a life philosophy. it promises you a manner of explaining the international. you're searching for a meaning to life and probably the sole meaning to life is the single you provide it. For me life is a jazz music, you be attentive to the main significant matters yet you're making-up quite some it as you bypass. you hold enjoying as long as you may or a minimum of until they drag you off the degree. we are the memories we tell and the memories people tell approximately us. If there is after life then we get to tell our memories to the God (or Gods) of our selection -if not, then we bypass away our memories with associates and family members. so some distance as dying is going difficulty approximately it once you get there. looking a purpose, now i won't be in a position to grant any tripe know-how right here. lower back many people have desperate to starvation down and stay a lifeless life until the tip comes. you have to be keen take the prospect that searching on your purpose in life will kill you -or you will by no skill discover it. life has no real ensures. consult with me in case you like, you be attentive to a thank you to realize me.

Answer 7

First of all, If it is in your divorce decree, why havent you pushed to make it so! What right does he have to go agianst that!! Second of all, can you afford to put your plans on hold to go see her and do you want to.
Third of all, do you agree that you are selfish, or that you are not "marriageable material" or messed up. I bet you got walked all over in your marriage!!
If your child doesnt want to come see you that is S***. She is a child and it isnt up to her and the longer he allows her to decide that, the harder it will be to change it. It is your time to get her and that is an issue I would press. Even if she doesnt want to. Too D*** bad. She is not an adult to decide.

Answer 8

You have to follow what your heart tells you to do. A few days to visit over the holidays should be ok for a job search. Usually over the holidays most business' aren't doing interviews etc... That would be a good time to visit.

Answer 9

Most likely your ex is trying to state that u are horrible at geting marreid and staying that y. is trying to say he is best. You should visit your daughter. i bet she misses you a lot. when my parents had to go to war i just wanted them to come back every weekend but there is some problems so quit your job, visit your daughter, then go back to your house and find the best job that u think will suit you best.

Answer 10

Crossroads means you have to pick a direction. So you need to choose to either move forward with your life, or dwell in the past. Nothing good comes from trying to relive something that doesn't work, i say move forward!