On our 17th year anniversary (and My Birthday) he told me that he met her. He said he felt at peace with her. He said he was now in a relationship with her and i should respect that. I thought I could die! Our four children suffered terribly...they hurt for me..and had to overcome resentment and bitterness in their christian hearts.
After losing 52lbs and cleaning my home and my life..after beginning to move on he showed up after 4 months. It was 2am when he left work and came to see me. I was doing some girl maintanance (u know girls) cause i had a long day "meeting" with someone new the next day. He told me he sensed that if he did not come that night he would lose me forever. He said he loved me, and was tired of the fighting and wants to give 200% to our marriage...............what should i do?
2006-11-21 01:23:37 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that's a dificult decision, it's completely up to you
:> peace
.
2006-11-24 17:45:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So he had four months away from you and on his own to see how his brand new love life with his new baby was and once he found out that she wasn't who he wanted.....probably to much demands from her. He then suddenly came back to you because he knew he made a childish .....midlife crisis mistake.
Men like him often take advantage of women because women let them come and go.How are you feeling right now? Do you want to let him come home again? Let him have his chance with you? Or you have that date tomorrow...... see how it goes. Who knows maybe you will have some fun to and let him see what could have been.
One thing is if you do decide to let him come back and give his 200%. He has to know that you won't be there to let him come and go whenever he feels that he found the one whenever he wants! Sorry for all the pain he caused you when he had his midlife crisis breakdown. Show him who is the boss lady! Make sure he abides by all your new rules if he wants to prove it to you! But it takes two people to make it work and forgiving him is going to be hard....or even trusting him again for that matter. Good luck because i know probably you will give it another go... but keep your guards up and let him understand he can't waltz in and out whenever he wants!
2006-11-21 09:43:10 · answer #2 · answered by Damzel in distrust 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so hard especially when you love someone. there's no way you are over him after 17 years together and this is why you are in this forum trying to gain some insight. No one can make your decisions for you, it's so hard sometimes, believe me I know. If you were to take him back, trust will now be a huge issue. Everywhere he goes you are going to wonder, where is he, is he with her, did he meet someone new, are my children and I going to be hurt again once he gets back into his comfort zone. I pulled out of a relationship with a man I was married to for only 3 years (together for 6). He's Canadian. I helped make him legal here. I built a business with him and I was happy with our life but.... I grew tired of how he treated me, so I left him. It has been almost 2 years. I am currently in a relationship and I am not happy with my current situation at all. I am extremely lonely and sad and most of all I miss my old place (where I used to live, it was so clean, I worked so hard for what I had but he couldn't acknowledge it) but..... he comes to mind in my unhappiness (that I chose, I might add) because of what we had together and the security of knowing I could count on him but... I left him because I was no longer in love with him. I waited a year to go out with someone new and I am currently suffering. I don't feel I have a right to return to the relationship for "comfort and security" you should be with someone because you love them. I tried for a year before I left to communicate with my husband about how he was making me feel and he didn't hear me til I left. The moral of telling you this story is that if your husband loved you like he was supposed to he would never have allowed another woman into his life, he wouldn't have left without trying to work it through with you, he would have tried to fix the problem. I don't think he has the right to come back to you (just like I don't have the right to go back to my husband). He'll never trust me and it would strain the marriage just as it will yours. It cannot possibly be the same. No one can tell you what to do, who knows maybe you will get lucky and if you take him back it'll all work out (wouldn't that be great) but... you are the one who has so much to overcome, for him the hard part is doing the asking. Once he is in, it's all on you. Think about it. You have to do all the hard work because it's all within you that will need the healing and the strength building to accept and overcome his infidelity. For some reason we always seem to have to carry the burden in relationships. Like if I were to go back I'd be spending the rest of my life trying to prove myself but look how opposite it would be for your situation and it's all because it's a man instead of a woman. We do it to ourselves. So frustrating. Anyway... I hope my story helped a little. I don't think like I said that anyone can tell you what is right or wrong. It has to be you and what is in your heart. Goodluck sweetie
2006-11-21 09:49:53 · answer #3 · answered by dribble 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoo! This is a toughie! A lot of people would tell you that you need to dump his a** for good, etc. etc... But you need to do what you think would be good for you. Your heart could be telling you one thing. Your head could be telling you another thing. The heart and head need to find a balance.
If you take him back, there's no doubt that this is going to take some time if you do take him back. Make him understand that it will take time and not expect everything to be they way it was. You're gonna need LOTS of time to get over the hurt he caused.
If you say no... you've moved on, don't beat your head about it. Good luck!!
2006-11-21 09:29:08 · answer #4 · answered by Luv My Corgi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would continue on the course you going on...wait to see if he is sincere and truthful. My suspect the other woman dumped him and he got a wake up call and now he wants you back. I wouldn't make it easy for him, because now he has to earn your trust and respect back. Seventeen years is a long time and he should realize that he cannot just come and go as pleases.
2006-11-21 09:28:34 · answer #5 · answered by Lady D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him that he had his chance and decided that he didn't want you and the kids. Now that you have found a way for you and the kids to move on with your lives, please call when he wants to visit the kids but you and he are definitely finished. Otherwise, you will be going through this again when he realizes that you can't really regain the trust and give him the freedom to roam that he had before.
2006-11-21 09:38:04 · answer #6 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i say keep your head up, and move on. i it will be hard after 17 years, but after all that time he should have showed u enough love and respect 2 have not done things the way he did and put u and your vhildren through so much hurt. even if he wanted 2 hurt u he should have never hurt his children like that. so 4 your sanity and ur childrens, please move on....
2006-11-21 09:38:13 · answer #7 · answered by karen l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would do some serious soul searching. You and your children suffered because of his actions, and no woman (and children) deserve that kind of treatment. In my eyes, he is a coward for turning to someone else instead of coming to you (his wife) when he felt something was missing from his life. I wish you the best of luck!
2006-11-21 09:29:28 · answer #8 · answered by ksawtelle 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
C'mon sweetie! Must you ask? I know you are a God loving person and I admire that - forgive and forget. After what he's put you thru and the children? I am sorry but there is only so much forgiveness and he walked away and never looked back. I say, close that chapter in your life and go on...... God bless!
2006-11-21 09:30:05 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why now!!!!! but if you feel you want to give him another chance then do it. Is he going through mid- life??? If so he may have learn his lesson if he is just a wondering sh::: then don't bother. I guess it depends on what kind of life you both had before he left. Do you still love him?
2006-11-21 09:46:34 · answer #10 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, either 1) his girly isn't with him anymore and he needs a place to stay or 2) he wants to bed hop between both of you.
You have moved on, and have gotten through this heartache...why do it again to yourself and to your kids? He made promises to you when he married you, and broke them...why should he keep these now?
2006-11-21 09:35:34 · answer #11 · answered by angeleyes 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋