I am/was engaged for 3 years.His son lived with us for all but 6 months of those years.He was 15 and very disrespectful,in trouble at school(one for pulling a knife),he fist fought his dad and caused his dad and I to physically fight.He went back to live with his mom b/c we could not handle him.I am on medication for depression,anxiety,post traumatic stress disorder,etc.Well my fiancee has decided to move his son home.He has been in detention 20 times this year,skipping school,not going home etc.I told my"fiancee" I could not deal with this kid anmore and all his misbehaviors.I feel it would be detremential to my mental health and overall wellbeing.Well we got in a fight and he told me I am selfish and told me to remove my ring.I am only looking out for myself,since he is not.Am I selfish?
2006-11-21 01:13:31 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
This kid will not listen to me and his dad and I fought about his behavior.His dad works nights and sleeps most of the day,so I am left being the main caregiver.I don't want to have a breakdown,but I love my"fiancee".I don't think that I can live 2 more years of mental,physical and emotional agony.
2006-11-21 01:16:57 · update #1
First of all,I moved in with his dad and i was the one in the beginning that suggested he move in with us b/c his mom was selling weed,and being neglectful.But into the 1st year he got arrested.He smoked like a chimmney starting at age 12.Our sex life sucks,so therefore MOLLY it is not us thinking sexually of ourselves.His dad divorced his mom7 years ago so it is not like the divorce just happened.Plus dad was married for 3 years the second time.
2006-11-21 01:28:58 · update #2
I do not agree with divorced parents living with someone else. The actions of this 15 year old boy is exactly what I have seen before. The child is already traumatized by his parents divorce and needs attention to get over that. THEN this other person moves in and tries to take the place of the parent that left. NOW the problems begin when the child decides on his course of action!!
If the father of this child was thinking of someone beside himself he would have left you out of the picture. He could of had you for a friend but you should have stayed in your own house.
You both are selfish in my opinion.
Thinking of yourselves and your sexuality instead of thinking how the breakup of the childs family was affecting him.
Get your own place and let the father straighten out his child then GET MARRIED so you are really the stepmother and not just the "live-in"..
2006-11-21 01:23:18 · answer #1 · answered by Molly 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
He was a parent before he was your "fiance'". You should never put someone in a position of choosing one over the other. His son did not ask to be brought into this world and did not ask for his parents to divorce and remarry. For all you know, the thought of his dad getting married could be causing him to act out. Instead of immediately thinking of your well being, you should be thinking of his, or at least let his dad worry about his son and let him do what he thinks is best.. he is after all the boy's father, and if you want to marry this man, then accept the fact that he is a dad and will continue to be dad well after his son has moved out on his own. It's a package deal when you marry somene with kids, you can't just have him... you have to take what comes with.
2006-11-21 03:14:36 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs.Neville 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You better run while you still can. Stop thinking you love this man so much you cant live without him. your health and well being is more important than raising his unruly child, and don't buy into that selfish crap he is trying to pull on you. YOU are NOT selfish! even if the kid is gone back to his mom's he is not out of the picture.This is from someone who has been there and done that. Good luck to you! Oh,I hope you dont have or want children by this man, If you do you are screwed!
2006-11-21 04:36:22 · answer #3 · answered by Dolly J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't have moved in if you were bothered by his kid. The boy is definitely troubled, and needs his father in his life. Although your fiancee might not be able to fix him, it can help the child.
I think you need to back off and let him take care of his boy for a while. If his son sees that he is the only concern in your fiancees life, then his anger might subside. I would wait a year or two before considering moving back in or getting married.
You need to consider your own feelings first. If you are having that many problems, then you should move out. Its your fiancees son. His son is ALWAYS going to come before you (sorry!). Its his responsibility to raise his son, not make you happy. Just let him deal with his son, he really needs to address the situation.
2006-11-21 01:29:38 · answer #4 · answered by countrygurl587 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you are selfish. You should think of yourself first. My husband wanted to bring his 16-year-old, troublesome niece to live with us. I am suffering from depression as well and am in a path of recovery. My psychiatrist strongly suggested that we shouldn't take her in. She thought that it is best that I recover fully before taking on big responsibilities. This is best to avoid relapse. But back to you. You are about to take a big step with getting married alone, which is a huge stressor. You do not need to be taking on additional challenges that will affect your mental health. I think your fiancee should be supportive of you because with your state of mind, you need to surround yourself with caring, loving and understanding individuals. You are not being selfish. What you are feeling is in the long run, best for everyone.
2006-11-21 01:23:09 · answer #5 · answered by sprklbds 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you need to put your relatioship with your fiancee on hold immediately for your own well-being. You need to to seek couseling for your own emotional problems before you get stuck in a relationship which will only make you feel worse. Next your boyfriend needs to get couseling as well for himself and for his son. They have many father-son issues to work out before they are emotionally ready to allow another person to join in their family. You probably feel like you could make things better for them but it isn't worth losing your own sanity to even try to fix what has been going in their family long before you got together with your fiancee. And you should really try to marry a man who has so much baggage...you're looking for a lot of heartache and even possibly the threat and danger to your life if the son is so angry and unstable. Step back and think long and hard before commiting your life to this relationship. If the boyfriend really loves you he will take the necessary steps to help himself and his son first before submitting you the chaos that take place if you do marry him.
2006-11-21 01:48:28 · answer #6 · answered by jesshispet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are NOT selfish girl! i think even tho u love him, u still have to look out for urself... if u still love him and want him back, maybe u just have to show more love... show him how much you love him. don't argue about him telling u that u're selfish. just accept whatever he said and prove it's wrong. be strong. don't think of him the way that make you stressed out. just take it easy... pray to God... or hangout with ur friends, tell them about this... share your problem, don't keep it to yourself...
and about his son... his 15 and had a son already? omg... that's kinda scary... anyway, about the son... the suggestion i gave u above valid also for his son. show him how much u love him and his father. kids don't usually hate ppl and keeping grudge.
good luck!
2006-11-21 01:56:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I dont think you should marry until the kids are grown.
2006-11-21 02:36:04 · answer #8 · answered by ♥monamarie♥ 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋