AM I being a bad mommy.....??

Question

I have 2 beautiful baby girls... one is 2 1/2 and one is 11 months. Lately it has really been getting to me to leave them at the babysitter's every morning. The little one obviously has no complaints but my 2 1/2 year old tells me she doesn't like Ashley's (the babysitter) and she wants me to stay home or that she wants to go see her Memo (grandma)... It freakin kills me and all I can do is just tell her I love her and I'll be back soon to get her. I have to work. We're barely getting by as it is--- but leaving her like that every morning really makes me wonder if it really is worth it to go to work. I would kill to be a stay at home mommy. What do I do?

Ashley is absolutely not permitted to hit my children... correct them, yes, but touch them- no. I do not know her parenting style well enough (with her own kids) to let her do whatever she wants with mine... I've known her since school and she's really sweet... obviously I can't see what goes on while I'm at work, but I really can't see her really being bad to my kids.

Answer 1

oh honey! The very fact that you stop to think about the welfare of your kids and worry about leaving them with a babysitter shows you're not a bad Mum.

If you need the money then you have to work...sods law!
Although there are plenty of work from home schemes these days. Make sure you double check them though - some will scam you as soon as look at you!

Maybe try and find a careers advisor that can put you in touch with some work form home jobs/companies.

Maybe Grandma could be persuaded to babysit once a week or so instead of 'Ashley'...?

Answer 2

No you are not a bad mom. You are simply coping the best you can in the real world. Of course a 2 1/2 yo will try to manipulate you into staying with her. Ask Ashley how she is in the next 5 minutes after you are gone. If she's settled down soon after you leave then you know that she's really OK with Ashley, it's just you going that she doesn't like.
If you truly need the extra income, then you & your daughter are going to have to get used to it.
In another two years she will be old enough for junior Kindergarten. The separation anxiety will just start all over again, unless she learns that these times where she's left with somebody are just temporary.

Answer 3

No, you're not being a bad mom, and it's normal to feel that way when you leave your children. It shows that you care about them. Perhaps there's something about Ashley's that she doesn't like? How well do you know this Ashley? Are you sure that she's not doing something to upset your daughter? Does she have kids of her own? Either there is something that your daughter really doesn't like, or she's just trying to 'guilt' you into staying home. Kids her age often do that, and if that's the case, it's important that you stand your ground and not allow your daughter to 'control' the situation.

Maybe Memo could babysit for a couple days a week?

Answer 4

I do not say you are a bad mother when you HAVE to work.

I would sit down with the child and have a good talk with her. LISTEN to what she says..
I mean really listen. There may be things going on that do not show and your child is not able to tell you. Find another sitter or put your children in a nursery where there are numerous shildren and supervisors. There is less likely to be any abuse when there are more adults around. If it is abuse that Ashley is trying to tell you about.

Sometimes it is better to cut your expenses and stay at home. The children will be in school before you know it and then you can go to work.

Really check how much you make and how much you spend on sitters, transportation, food and clothes. It could be an eye opener to you and you find it is costing you money to go out to work.

Answer 5

You're not being a bad mommy. But if you decide to stay home and raise your children, I applaud you. It's tough, but you have to simply compare the costs of what you spend on childcare versus what you take in with your job. For example, let's say you spend 800 a month on childcare, but you make 1200 a month working. Your effective income then is 400 bucks. Make a family budget and see where you can trim to cut your expenses another $400, or see if you can earn some cash part time with an evening job or something. Maybe you go to basic cable, or stop eating out at restaurants, or reduce your clothing budget, buy kids clothes from second hand stores, get rid of a car, etc. My two baby girls are exactly the same age as yours! Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I'll bet you all the diamonds in the world that she actually likes the sitter and enjoys being there. She's experiencing separation anxiety and it probably only last 30 seconds. My two year old cries hysterically when I leave him with a sitter. When I pick him up, I always ask how long he cried and I'm always amazed at the answer. "He stopped crying before you even left the driveway." You are not an awful mommy. This is a normal experience for you and your child. You will experience many things that tear at your heart and make you question yourself because children are sooooo dramatic and kids know how to pull your heart strings. Good luck and don't let this get your down. Be proud of yourself for working and raising two kids.

Answer 7

Your not a bad mom, if you have to work. If you can get by with out working you should really think about staying home, the MOST important time in a child's life is birth to three. There are a lot of thing you can do to help you get by I grow a garden and freeze and can the veggies. I breast feed that saves a lot of money, not to mention the benefits for baby and mom. I also make my own baby wipes...paper towels and diluted baby lotion. Also the government has programs to help, and don't worry about being a welfare mom That IS what the programs are for and if you can stay home and raise you children with virtue and morals then you are doing the community a service. Also take a good look at the baby sitter, is she raising you children like you would, teaching them and nurturing their minds if not. find some one that will. make surprise visits, check up on her, make sure she is not squandering the most precious gift in your life. sticking your daughters in front of the T.V and waiting for you to come is not healthy for them or you. Sit down and do the math, gas + child care and what ever expenses you can shave, and the the total is? then really look at the benefits of being there for your children does it add up? We are by no means rich, in fact we hit our heads on the poverty line. But going with out a few things (for us) is well worth our children's future.

Answer 8

At your daughters age separation anxiety is normal.

However, not liking her babysitter is not. If your daughter doesn't have trouble separating from you at other times I would find another babysitter. Something is wrong and your child has no other way to tell you other then protesting.

I would not worry about how "sweet" you think the babysitter is or how long you have known her. Your daughter knows her in a different way and SHOULD love and adore her. Young children do not dislike anyone w/o cause.

Answer 9

No, you aren't being a bad mommy. Can she tell you why she doesn't like the babysitter? Do you completely trust the sitter? If so, then don't give in to her and in a firm but gentle voice, tell her you have to work and you will pick her up in a little while (just like you are doing). It could be just her age, and I know its hard, my two are bigger now, but I always wanted to stay home with them, and did for about 6 months with the youngest, but financially it was hard. You could look into another job or between you and your spouse, maybe pick them up earlier or drop them off later, so that they arent there as long....Good luck with your babies.

Answer 10

When a child doesn't like the babysitter, that's something you need to look into. My daughter said the same thing at that age and I pulled my kids out of that woman's home. The babysitter's true personality came out when I fired her and I could see that my 3 year old had the woman figured out long before I did.