Me and my wife are always fighting . It affects our family . what to do?

Question

She says i am adamant but every body else says that she is a difficult to manage lady.she abuses servants and me aqnd children . I also loose my patience at times. I am in a mess. Please suggest

Answer 1

you guys might want to go to family counseling and one council session for just you two

Answer 2

Apparently your woman wants her way. Regardless.

You can instruct the servants to walk away when she does not make her requests respectfully. You can tell her you cannot honor her requests/demands when she does not phrase them respectfully to you. You can tell the children to go to grandma's or a friends house if she cannot treat them respectfully so long as they call you when they get there.

In other words, cut her off. If she cannot treat people like human beings then she doesn't deserve to be around people. This is your RESPONSE. Not your Reaction. Fights happen when people react to a given situation. Think about your options for responding to her behaviors and follow through.

Don't have discussion regarding your response. Don't bring up negative issues. Let it all drop once your responses are in place. Then see if she catches on.

You can't decide to change her behaviors. You can, however, influence her to decide to change her behaviors.

Or ...watch Taming of the Shrew and go that direction.....

Answer 3

First off,When she picks a fight at you, say "Sorry honey, but I am so tired of arguing about everything, then say excuse me honey Ive got to get out of the house or leave the room until things get quiet.(Do NOT just walk up and leave without saying a word though, because that could make her even worse).

Then when things are quiet suggest to her that you need two needs to talk about how things has been going on, and tell her how things she's doing is hurting the kids,and you two. If she doesn't want to listen to that or talk about it. Then suggest counseling for both of you together then as a family also(if the kids are old enough to participate that is).

Also you both may need some separate counseling to pin-point your triggers and how to manage them without blowing up in front of everyone esp. the children because it will effect them the most(it may not right now but it will in the long run).

I hope things work out for you and your family. Please email me or keep me posted on how things go. My email is [e-mail].

Answer 4

As a man you have inferiarity complex, u think that ur wife should listen to what u say. But if u think from her point of view, then u can understand her problem, where actually is arising. U both should try to speak up within ur selves and try to solve when u both are free, I think she is feeling that u are not taking care of her or u are not taking any interest in her. If u try to take her near and try to speak in a polite manner with love and affection then I hope all the problems would be solved. U should think how / what she likes and what u have to do for making her happy so that u inturn lead a happy life.

Answer 5

Well, first you have to have a frank n open conversation with your wife.. What does she wants exactly and WHY she is behaving as you mentionned. Must some reasons i presume..And please be aware that youare living within a society nd family and that you owe a minimum respect and attention to those around you.
Take advice from professionals, counsellors and psychologists before it's too late.. and one of the surest way to keepyour wife under control is lots of love, attention and understanding.. Do organise surprise walks and outings.. Have good and peaceful moments together so that you do have something nice to remember besides your awful quarrels..Keep positive and appreciate the gud things in you both rather than pulling out faults..

Answer 6

There are so many sides to this situation and your hurt is so fresh. Please understand that you are still in shock from your wife's infidelity. It's only natural that everything seems to remind you of this right now. This will fade in time if you address the underlying issues in this situation. You need to step back and take care of yourself first. You also need to consider how this tension between you and your wife is affecting your children.
There's one truism about affairs. You can't break up a happy marriage. If one person is having an affair it is because he/she is unhappy and is acting out. Your wife sounds desperately unhappy at this time.
It is possible for a marriage to recover after an affair but it takes both parties being totally honest with each other. Building trust again will take time. The only way that I know for this to really happen is for the two of you to see a therapist. Asking your minister or family doctor for referrals is a good place to start. Call mental health clinics to see if any marriage workshops or weekend retreats for couples are going to be held. There may also be sessions of group therapy that are available for couples who are dealing with these issues. Your therapist will be able to guide you in this process.

You do sound as if you still want this marriage to work out. You say that she is also committed to this so let's not worry about either one of you leaving at the moment. At this time you both need to commit to getting professional help and working through this. The work will be hard but has the potential to create a strong marriage again for both of you.

Answer 7

Get some counseling soon, fighting all the time, especially around the children isn't healthy for anybody. You need to figure out why the two of you fight so much, what triggers the fights, and what you can do to change these behavioral patterns. Counseling is your best bet. Good luck.

Answer 8

I don't know who is to "blame" in this situation but I do know that you cannot change another persons behavior. You can however, insist that they seek help to deal with emotional problems. If your wife is abusing servants then quite possibly she has her own issues to address. I would certainly insist that she seek professional help.

And you find someone to help you as well. Being around emotionally sick people greatly threatens ones own sanity. Every member of the family needs to be assessed and treated.

Good luck.

Peace.

Answer 9

you two must sit down and talk calmly to each other about this problem.

surely there are differences there, but that is natural.

every couple has differences and problems but you must try to discuss them and reach to a mutual agreement.

respect is the first thing. you must respect her and she must respect you - if that is not there, then all sorts of problems will take place.

if you both love each other, then talk this through.

Without raising your voice or being angry or in a blaming kind of tone, you should tell her about how you feel and what it is about her behavior that you dont like. also LISTEN TO HER, if she gets angry, calm her down, tell her that you really want to know 'why' she is doign and saying these things. tell her that you want to solve all these problems, ask her what can you do to change this,

your children should not be made to suffer because of your problems.

visit www.bbc.co.uk and click on relationships.

there is some good advise there about problems in couples...

good luck..

Answer 10

I broadly agree with the reply of spreading :) smiles. You need to sit calmly & talk to her. You might have done this also. You need to take her for counselling. But my sincere advise is just don't jump on divorce option. It is very easy but will spoil lives of your children. If required take her to some clinical psychologist for counselling. Try to understand what she is really missing in her life.

It is certainly not going to be easy. But be a strong man and give your best to your life. It is your life & you have to make it.

If you think to marry again after divorce, please remember, you may end up in even worse condition.

As per Buddhist principle, it is your negative karmas of past lives that is effecting your present life. It may happen that if you take divorce & remarry, you may end having life partner of same kind even worse. According to Buddhism, you should determine & try to resolve your present situation. Nothing is impossible.

I know, it is a harrowing lifecondition but resolve to do or die for your children. Remeber, you have only one option, i.e., to win.

Answer 11

Video record her secretly in action and play it back at a big family function then ask her later if she would like some counselling to manage her abusive anger!!!