My 37 year old good looking husband is having an affair with a 21 year old college going girl. He is not only having an affair with her he is emotionally involved with her and says they love each other. I am married to him for the last 6 years. He asks me to accept the situation and stay with him. But it is driving me crazy. I dont know what to do as I am a very docile and timid woman. I dont know my rights but I work for a multi national company at a managerial level but I have no idea about how to deal with my manipulative husband. I would like help with knowing my rights and how to deal with this situation.
2006-11-20 21:14:38 · 27 answers · asked by G 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is so clear that you are suffering. Your husband is having an affair with another woman and in fact does not want to be unfaithful to her by being with you at all. Your question is about the best approach to win him back and whether he could ever love you again.
Ironically, the best approach might be to become strong enough that you no longer need him. Let me explain. Although being strong is not, in itself, a means to winning back unfaithful husbands, it is often the case that as long as he feels that any decision about where he wants to be is up to only him, he will feel free to chose whatever option he wants. If he feels that a door is closing to him, he just might realize that he doesn't want that door to close. As long as you are making it clear that you want him back and his mistress is making it clear that she wants him as well, he can just take his time and be where he wants. And maybe if he gets this one "out of his system" as your friends say, he will come back. And then maybe he gets another one "in his system" and he leaves again, knowing that you still want him back. Et cetera.
And I say that it is ironic, because when you are strong enough to no longer need him, you might not want him back whether he wants to come back or not. Ahhh, relationships are certainly complicated, aren't they.
The really important thing is that you become strong in yourself. A separation and even a divorce, although not welcome events in your life, could be the event that propel you into growing into a deeper and more happy person who could look back on this time in your life and view it with gratitude. Really. But not right away. It is hard work to grow through a major betrayal by someone you have trusted very deeply. With a good therapist you can do it, however.
If your husband is willing, there may be a point where you could both engage a couple's counselor who could help you learn anew about one another and learn to negotiate your relationship so that you could build trust together. Initially, however, I think that your work is to begin a journey with yourself.
I wish you all the best and would love to hear how you are doing.
2006-11-20 23:21:11 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girlfriend,
Your rights...your rights are as follows~~~> Tell your cheating poor excuse of a man to get out RIGHT NOW. He can go start a play house with his 21 yr old flavor of the week. She will grow very tired of him soon enough...trust me. You have the right to remove DOOR MAT from your forehead. You were able to ask this question on yahoo so your not that timid. Look to a friend to be by your side during all of this. Go ahead a see a Lawyer...he can help you know & understand your rights. Take his clothes & place them on the curb. Start with just a few things....it will feel kinda good,or just pack them up for him....that still feels good. Change the locks. Don't accept his calls. Your lawyer can answer all questions. He will want to return home after you begin learning about your rights. Tell your husband of six years to accept the situation(see your question above) & suck it up & start to half things up.
You can do anything. Your strong. Before you started a married life with him....didn't you work/pay your own bills/have a nice house/apt./ travel/etc while only having to answer to YOU. Life will go on without him.
Answer this one question~~~~~~>
What would you Attempt if you knew you would not fail?
2006-11-20 22:24:27 · answer #2 · answered by Shannon H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Before I start, I am sorry that youa re in such a bad situation.
I would like to point out, even though as harsh as it may seem, an affair is an affair. It could be emotional, it could be sex..
I also understand that you are in a management position and you feel that since you are able to deal with a rash of major situations in a day, that how could you not manage your emotions.
I wouldnt put up with it. You really need to get rid if him no matter how painful it is..for your mental health. You are a strong person, in your personal life, you just dont know it yet.
2006-11-21 02:02:05 · answer #3 · answered by giveu2tictacs 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, first of all if he is 37, you are most likely around the same age, meaning you are still a young woman. You didnt mention whether or not you have children. Personally, I would throw all of his clothes in garbage bags and put them outside. Then I would talk to a lawyer. Then, girlfriend, you need to get all the girls you can get together and go out to the best dance club in town. Party (safely) and dance your *** off. You have a good job, and you dont need this scumbag. I know it hurts your ego that he is with that little tramp, but let her have him. Trust me, it wont last. She will dump him for someone her own age. Stop being docile and timid and start being assertive. Find yourself some young hunkster of your own and have some fun.
2006-11-20 21:30:32 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The person whom you might have an affair with will at all times be loyal to his wife. He will not leave her his just having fun with you. His love for you're going to fade finally but to not his spouse. So you better be prepared when that point comes coz it will fairly drives you crazy. A man makes use of one other lady for their possess expertise on the moment this man is in love with you but not til the tip you can quickly be aware of when time get rough. An affair to a married man is simplest temporary happiness and it won't final. Preserve your self before it's too late.
2016-08-09 23:05:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. He's already expressed that he's very happy and very comfortable living with his wife and messing around with his lover. It's your turn now to make a decision to get out of this relationship. You have a job so stop depending on him for anything. Get an apartment, move in with a friend, or get a roommate...just get out. You deserve better. Don't wait until he's given you some kind of disease. Stand up for yourself and stop letting him walk all over you. Love yourself and respect yourself. NO man on this earth should have that much power and influence over a woman. Run for your life girl....fast!!!
2006-11-20 23:31:48 · answer #6 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would pack his stuff and drop it off to her dorm room. Let her know that she can keep playing house with your husband, but she needs to do it full time. Make sure that you get advice from a lawyer as to what you need to do next. You may be docile and timid, but it is time for you get a backbone and stand up for yourself. Don't be his doormat. Good luck
2006-11-20 22:23:08 · answer #7 · answered by kelsey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have the right to say you won't take it anymore. The only reason that he is doing this is because you are timid. If you divorce him then you can get half of what he has and what he will make in the future. Leave him, let him know you will not except this.
2006-11-20 21:34:13 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ma'am I believe you should not tolerate this unfaithfullness of your husband.You have all the right in this world for you to see that the government and God do not tolerate this sinful act of your husband. You have the right to go to the court and file a divorce and you have the right to sued them both and put them in jail.You could protect yourself from this harrasment, from the wicked hands of your husband.How could he tell you that just stay with him and accept the situation??This only means that he sees you as just an object that he could keep whenever he wants and not as a person who has own feelings and could be hurt because of his sinful act.This also shows that he has no respect for you...Could you just stay with this man for the rest of your life?Then you could become insane or crazy as you said when you'll just continue to be passive...Act and fight for your dignity, dont allow anyone to do this things to you..Even the man that you loved..He's not worth for your love.He could not be a good husband for you..I hope you could have the strength and courage to fight and to show him that you're not his pet, but a women who has love for herself and love for your kids(if you do have).Hope i could help you ma'am.Thats all.
2006-11-20 21:31:53 · answer #9 · answered by missy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to a lawyer, and tell your husband to get lost. You don't deserve to be treated like that. If your still having sex with him you might catch a disease or something. It's not worth risking your life. Find someone that will love you and only you. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, if you know what I mean. Pack his bags and show him the door. Make yourself happy and the rest of your life will fall into place. Good luck and if you need to talk just e-mail me. God Bless
2006-11-20 21:21:34 · answer #10 · answered by Sexy-n-Hot 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋