has anyones marriage survived cheating?

Question

I have found out that my husband of 3 years has cheated on me once again, I want to know if anyone out there has been through this and sort help in getting their marriage back on track and the marriage is still going strong.... PLEASE NO NEGATIVE COMMENTS I KNOW I AM STUPID FOR STAYIN FOR THE FIRST TWO!!!!!!!!!!

I should metion that my husband has provided well for my children and me but he is working away from hom for 18months his reasons for doing this is he is lonely....should I accept this? He has said he needs help and is willing to get counselling for our marriage and personal issues.

Answer 1

Although there is no justification for cheating, statistics say that about 50% couples have cheated on his/her spouse. But when your unfaithful spouse gives you an excuse for cheating, it is simply a way to personally justify the behavior and to feel more at ease with the decision to cheat. Why your spouse cheated on you is something you may never really know for sure. There are no simple answers or reasons. There are lots of excuses given by cheaters.

You are Not to Blame - If your spouse has been cheating on you, realize that you are not to blame, you are not a mind reader, and although the two of you were in the same marriage, your spouse made the decision to cheat. People who are unfaithful are selfish. It is easier for them to cheat and to leave than it is to work on their marriage.

Don't Obsess Over Excuses - Don't obsess over the excuses you may hear from your unfaithful spouse. They are just words and personal justifications for your mate's hurtful behavior.
Regardless of the reasons given for being unfaithful, the bottom line is that your spouse has cheated.

An Affair Doesn't Mean the End of a Marriage - That doesn't mean your marriage is doomed. It does mean that your marriage needs help. Whether or not your marriage can survive infidelity depends on whether or not you both are willing to seek counseling and to move forward.

Excuses are Just Words
The "Our Marriage was Already Over" Type of Cheating Excuses
The "It's All your Fault" Type of Cheating Excuses
The "It's All My Fault" Type of Cheating Excuses
The "Grass is Greener" Type of Cheating Excuses

What You Do Need to Know - Here is what you do need to know in order to save your marriage after an affair.
How long has the extramarital affair been going on?
Has your spouse had more than one affair? If so, how many affairs?
Was there a strong emotional bond in this affair?
Is the affair over?
Do both of you want to save your marriage?

You have hope that your marriage can survive your spouse cheating on you. But you still fill sick inside when you think about the affair. Here's what you can do to get beyond the hurt, forgive your unfaithful spouse, and save your marriage.

Here's How:
1. Don't make any major decisions about ending your marriage now just because your spouse has been unfaithful. This is the time to do some reflection on your marriage to see what other issues other than this infidelity need to be recognized and dealt with.

2. Feelings are neither right or wrong. Accept that your feelings of rage, uncertainty, shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression and confusion about having an unfaithful spouse are normal.

3. Take care of yourself. You may have some physical reactions to the infidelity such as nausea, diarrhea, sleep problems (too little or too much), shakiness, difficulting concentrating and not wanting to eat or binge eating.

4. Balance is the key to getting through this experience of coping with infidelity. Force yourself to eat healthy foods, to stay on a schedule, to sleep regular hours, to get some exercise each day, to drink plenty of water and to have some fun.

5. It's okay and healthy to laugh. Watch some funny movies or TV shows. Spend some time with people who make you smile. Life goes on in spite of heartache and unfaithful spouses.

6. Tears are healthy too. If they aren't coming naturally, put on some blues type music or watch a sad movie.

7. Begin a journal. Write down your thoughts and feelings about your spouse's unfaithfulness.

8. Ask all the questions you want.Talk with your spouse about the infidelity. However, you may have to accept that your spouse may not know why the infidelity took place.

9. Seek counseling if required. Don't try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone.

10. Try not to get into the blaming game over who or what caused the infidelity. It's just wasted energy. That includes blaming the third party. It won't change anything.

11. You may have post-traumatic stress. If you are jumpy, yell at trivial actions, feel like you are walking on egg shells, and continue to have physical reactions when you are reminded of the infidelity, see a physician as soon as you can.

12. It takes time to get beyond the pain of having an unfaithful mate. Don't expect the mixture of feelings, the sense of confusion and limbo, and the mistrust to go away just because you've tried to forgive your spouse and made a commitment to save your marriage.

13. Get practical. Look at your finances, housing situation, transportation, etc. If you do decide to end your marriage, make sure you have thought out where you will live, if you have enough money to pay for your essentials, etc.

Tips:
1. There is no simple answer to why someone becomes unfaithful. It could be a symptom of other problems in the marriage, it could relate to something in your spouse's past. You may never truly know why it happened.

2. Knowing the type of infidelity sometimes makes understanding it easier. Was it a one-night stand or an affair? Due to a mid-life or life crisis? A sexual addiction or an act of retaliation? Did the cheating occur to end the marriage?

3. Remember that your marriage has changed. You will need to grieve that loss.

4. The stages of death and dying (denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance) are part of the grieving process. It doesn't mean your marriage can't be renewed and strengthened, because it can. But it will be different.

5. Think twice before you tell your family or your spouse's family about the infidelity. Family members can often hold grudges a long time.

What You Need - Time, Sleep, Healthy diet, Exercise, Drink plenty of water, some entertainment and Laughter.

Now after having taken precautions to protect you. This is what you do - give him an ultimatum: "Either you stop or it's over between us." Tell him that even though his "flings" are meaningless to him, they give you tremendous pain. If he truly cares for you, he won't take your threat lying down. But, if you dilute an ultimatum by going back on it, you lose your power position and he'll continue dipping and snacking on the side and treat you as 'Dirt'.

Once both of you have started coming to terms with the emotions that have come up because of the cheating and extramarital affair, you will need to begin communicating about and exploring rebuilding your relationship. This is often difficult and the truth is that it isn't always easy. But there is a way you can do it. The cornerstone of rebuilding your relationship is one simple concept—communication.

Intimate relationships are built on communication. Talking to one another is one of the main ways we come to know each other. If you don't talk to your partner, there is no way to know how they think or feel. There is no way to know what they want. In essence, there is no foundation on which to build a lasting relationship. This means that if you want to completely heal from the destruction the affair has caused, you are going to need to talk with your partner about your relationship. And you are going to need to talk with them a lot.

Together you will need to explore every aspect of your relationship. And you will need to agree on ways that you can start building your relationship into what you always wanted it to be. When couples start talking again, one of the first questions that comes up is whether or not they should discuss the affair.
A lot of people seem to think that they should talk about the extramarital affair or infidelity if they are going to move forward. But the truth is that this isn't always necessary. You may be surprised to learn that you don't have to talk about the affair in order to heal from the pain you are feeling and create a relationship that is better than ever.

Remember, when you are healing from an affair, the process is about what you need. There are no right or wrong answers. You don't have to do anything. Listen to your inner voice. Pay attention to your own needs. You know what you need better than anyone. If you do choose to talk about the affair, here are some Tips for Talking about the extramarital affair or infidelity:

1. The first thing you want to do if you are going to discuss the affair is request complete honesty from your partner. If you decide that you need to hear about the details of the affair, then you can't expect your partner to hold back or to tell you what you want to hear.

2. That being said, a discussion about the affair should always be initiated by the injured partner, and it should be structured as a question and answer session where the injured partner asks questions and the cheater answers those questions.

3. This is not a place for the cheater to vent about the affair or to share details about it that the injured has not specifically asked for. The cheater should show some restraint. They should not expand their answers beyond what the injured has asked, and they should not offer information that wasn't specifically requested.

4. You should be careful what you ask for. You just might get it. If you request complete honesty from your partner, expect them to give it to you. That means you should be really careful in choosing which questions you want to ask.

5. Don't jump the gun and ask for information you will later regret. I specifically suggest you stay away from questions that are comparative in nature. These are questions like:
“Was she a better lover than me?”
“Did she do things in bed that I don't do?”
“Do you enjoy spending time with her more than me?”

6. Questions like this tend to go nowhere. They don't resolve any real issues and they just build up resentment. If you have any doubt about the question you are considering, I recommend writing it down and carrying it around with you for a while. This way you have the time to consider whether or not it is a question you truly need an answer to.

Love tests in the social sphere (Spiritual aspect) - Spiritual challenges come in many forms, but they all share one common objective: to test our ability to make a higher choice when tempted to make lower one. What's particularly useful about social challenges -- as opposed to other kinds of spiritual tests -- is that they are tests of LOVE. They test all of love's essential components: forbearance; forgiveness; affinity; compassion; etc. Harmony in ANY kind of relationship depends on our ability to effectively develop and use those spiritual qualities.

In each social incident, will we respond from a spiritual perspective? Will we handle the gains and pains, the elations and frustrations, of our social ups and downs with equanimity? Will we remain constructive in all our interpersonal interactions? Each annoyance, each headache, each heartache we encounter in relationship calls us to summon up a deeper love, a stronger commitment to remain loving REGARDLESS. No one can expect to be perfect, but every soul SEEKS perfection. Relationship admirably supports that quest.

Good Luck>r

Answer 2

Conflict or anger itself does not have to cause an irreparable rift between partners. With good communication skills and a shared commitment to a marriage, even these are surmountable. How to save your marriage https://tr.im/9NK2E

However, at that point where one partner is at the brink of abandoning the relationship, how can the remaining partner save their marriage? If you are at the point where your spouse has asked for a divorce, what can you do?

You must realize first that, you do have a choice. Often, when confronted by a crisis, we find ourselves backed into a corner thinking we have no choice in the matter. How can we change the situation when it involves another person's feelings or decisions? While we cannot, must not and in no way manipulate, blackmail or threaten our partner into changing their mind, we can actually control how we react to the situation. If anything, you must realize that you still have control over yourself. You have the opportunity to look inward and take responsibility for your own feelings and actions and even have the chance to take personal inventory of what your partner is trying to tell you. Are there points in your marriage that must be changed? If so, respond appropriately and proactively.

Answer 3

Yes. My marriage survived. I cheated once, when I was young. We have been married since we were 17. I'm 29 now. The reason for my cheating is I was very inexperienced. In any case, I would never do it again. Your marriage can always recover. Find out why he cheats, and see if you guys can prevent it by working together.

Answer 4

Well you did not look for the proper (professional) help, and jut kicked your husband out of the relationship (yes, that is exactly what you did). Have you thought about the effect on him?. It is very easy to judge him without asking yourself what was your husband feeling when you emotionally abandoned him. I m not judging you, I perfectly understand that you had a depression, but not getting the right help allowed you to act in such a way as to throw an enormous burden on your hubby. Forget about the so called cheating, he just was as depressed as you. Wish you the best

Answer 5

I have witnessed, through two of my brothers, how cheating can effect differently. One of my brothers was cheated on 3 times by his wife and he said that was enough. They are divorced. My other brother found out his wife cheated on him and got pregnant with his best friend, and they ended up back together. I guess it just depends on how you want your life to turn out. Both of my brothers are currently miserable.

Answer 6

Girl you are not the only one out there. I found out about my husband was cheating @ the end of "04". When I found out my husband was begging for me to forgive him. He was willing to do anything to make our marrage work. Went to a marrage counselor for a short time. Things were going well for about 4 months & then all of that same behavior began to return. I hung in there until about 3 months ago when he told me he did not want to be married to anymore and could not live in the same house with me...he was leaving. At first I would have kept on trying to make it work. But it came to me one day how he had no respect for me or our daughter by the way he was running around town with different women & did not care who saw him or where they saw him at. He was really the one man I truly loved & gave my life too. I will always love him,but I can not & will not allow him to continue to make a FOOL out of me. Also my daughter needs to know as she gets older that women do not have to put up with lies,deception & adultery. She will grow up knowing that her Mom can take care of them both with out the help of a husband/father that didn't care.
You do what you know & feel is right for you first. You know deep down what you need to do. It might not be easy. That first step into the unknown will scare the witts out of you. Talk with family/friends/support groups anything to help "YOU". You can do whatever you make your mind up to do.

Answer 7

first ur not stupid for trying to work it out.he is for missed understanding y u forgave him in the first place.dn't know if any has survived.am still struggling with my husband cheating and still can't get over it.but one thing make sure of his cheating has nothing to do with u it is all about him being unfaithful and dishonest.and being working away is not an excuse.let him put himself in ur place and see his reaction.

Answer 8

Yes you are stupid but not for sticking around your stupid for leaving in the first place. Who cares if you get cheated on, in the bible days a man could have more than one wife and they never complained. So why are you not only complaining but taking things into your own hands in the first place. It's not your choice after marraige death is the only thing to come

Answer 9

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Answer 10

Yes, for the sake of children unless the husband is getting out of his mind to bring back his mistress back to home.

Answer 11

yes it has. Frank and Kathie Lee Gifford. I believe it can work out.