found out that my husband has hugged and kissed his girl friend and i concidered that a cheating,am i wrong?

Question

i've been married for 6yrs and have been fighting with my husband about this woman who is married and just entered my life a year ago for i felt that she is not quite honest but my husband insisted she is and even would refused to kick her out of our life even though i beged him to do so and i threatened him with divorce,he would always claim that they have nothing between them but friendship this has been going for1yr,couple months ago i found out that it was more then friendship and he admited and for having me back he asked her to get out of his life,he was the one who told me that he only hugged her twice and kissed her once on the lips and that he regret it we even went to church and he promised me there that he will never cheat on me ever again,since then he is praying every day without being embarsed which he never dd.still can't get over it even though i have to say that he was the perfect husband and the best father for our daughter,but my mind still can't explain or accept it

Answer 1

Jesus said that if you look at a woman with desire in your heart you have already committed adultery. Pack him off to the preacher and get some counseling. But be prepared to give him the boot so pack him a suitcase so you'll have it ready.

Answer 2

Although it is simple to preach and say forget everything and move on but definitely it is hard to digest that someone whom you loved so much has betrayed your trust.

I honestly feel sorry for what you are going through.

However, having said that you must realise how many years of happy life you have been together, before this incident. What is at stake if you continuously think negatively? You said that he was a good husband and a good father, what about you?

Dear Maya, it always takes two to tango. Please go back see whether you faltered on your job as a wife, which might have forced him to go after that lady?

No, no, I am not supporting his actions, but given the fact that he was good, and you were having good times, then how did that happen?

In any case, forgiveness is the best way of dealing with this kind of stuff. Just completely erase that thing from your mind. Once you have decided (you have from your heart but not from your mind) that those things were of the past, you will feel more and more focused and can carry out your activities with more vigour.

Answer 3

If you can not find a way to forgive your husband of this, it will ruin your relationship, you will not ever be able to trust him again, you will be worried about what he is doing.
Give yourself some time, about 3 to 6 months, if you find that you still have little of no level of trust then your relationship is dying.

The hardest part about that is the deception, and the idea that you were making to much out of the situation. And come to find out the truth, you really were not. More often then not, if you have those bells going off about his behavior you are right on the money, learn to trust what the inner voice is telling you.
He has a long way to go, not only for the cheating but making you think that you had issues in the process.

Answer 4

Well, firstly...Yes. He did cheat on you, even if it was one kiss and hug! Secondly, I understand what you are going through...confusion, hate and ofcourse...love.

I'm not married, but I've been through a similar occurance where my boyfriend of 2yrs cheated on me. It was my first ever relationship and I treasured it alot. I put my 100% trust in him, built up my future with him etc. And then, I found out that he had been cheating on me. And he did the same that your husband did...begged me to forgive him and promised me that he will never do it again...and I like a fool, forgave him.

To see, after a few more months he was at it again. I was so heart broken! At first, when i thought of forgiving him, I was confused and angry but still loved him and didnt want to let go! Which Im sure you want to do too. And i know that you have a child as well, so its a much more acute decision that you will have to take.

I just told you my story, but it all depends on what you really want to do.....if you trust him enough and if you are POSITIVE that he wont do it again...then give him a chance, who knows? maybe he'll change and repent! But pls remember that there is a possibility of him doing it again. If you think he'll hurt you again, then forget it! You and your daughter deserve better, and there are so many single parents out there...u'll do fine! but if u think he wont cheat again....give it another shot!

I suggest you meet a marraige councellor. Or some other councellor who can help the two of you. But before any of that you have to make the decision. Do you really want him or not?

Hope my advice helped! Take Care and Good luck with your decision!

Answer 5

You are right, he has been cheating on you. He says they only hugged and kissed, maybe he did not tell you what else they did. I have been in the same situation as you. You get told I will never do it again and the next thing as you recover from the previous one, boom and this time with your neighbour or someone close. Man a dogs. I do not know why they do not grow. I really hope he has repeated and will never do it again. They always the perfect fathers and husband and you will never see it coming. You forgive and try to forget but that takes a long time. Good luck dear.

Answer 6

You need to stop stressing over a kiss and a hug and be grateful that he didn't sleep with her. Which he obviously had an opportunity or two to do. I mean he made a mistake and he is trying to repair that so give him a little break, I do not condone cheating in any way but this just seems like it was innocent and he is working towards fixing it. I think maybe you need to confront this woman who has helped make this situation for you bad, and explain to her that she needs to go to church and ask for forgivness as well. I think you need to let it go and try and move on, you say he WAS the best father, is he not still a father or has he changed his way in that aspect as well. How has that changed?

Answer 7

I am currently in a similar situation. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and have a daughter. Not long after I had my daughter I found out that he had cheated on me. The manner with which it was done is something I will never be able to comprehend or fathom. I love him with all of my heart, but it's been 6 months since I found out and still can't find it in myself to move on from this as MUCH as I want to . It spins constantly in my head everyday, it consumes my life. So, I finally had to take a break from him. I guess it depends on you. Although, you and your husband sound like spiritual people, if your walking with God I would pray and tell God you can't get over this on your own, but you want to save your marraige. God is faithful in all that you ask of him, and I'm sure I'm offending many people with this statement. I can only speak from experience. The time I've taken away from my boyfriend is time I'm waiting on God, and I know he'll prove faithful ;) Good Luck!

Answer 8

unfortunately in cases like this there is never only one party guilty. Have you thought about reasons why he had a friendship with this "other" woman? Maybe there is something wrong in your relation. I'm saying this because it's more important to find reason why he did that, than to go on discussing whether or not his action should be considered as cheating. Even if this "other" woman has disappeared from your and his life, if there is something wrong in your relation there will be "another" and "another" till there will be no point left to keep your family together. Think about this and take action before it's not too late.

P.S. and one more thing to remember, don't think that if he only kissed her it's better than if he had been close with her, because it's like unfinished job for man. If he had been close with her he may feel satisfied and no more interested with her, but this - as he calls it -"innocent" kiss has woken his interested more than before, so be careful it's not over yet trust me, and sure there is no time to think about this as finished job.

Answer 9

I think he deserves a second chance at true love from you even though he was an idiot not to realise that he was playing with fire.You would have to forgive and move on even though you can't expect this ugly memory to vanish into thin air,you can learn to focus on his great qualities and realise that we all are imperfect in one way or the other and what matters is not how far we drift into wrong doing such as cheating but rather on how we feel about it. I tell you,he sounds like he regrets it and that is the right attitude to obtain your forgiveness and love him even more since he needs your complete support to avoid falling into the same trap.

Answer 10

maya: Why would you want a guy like your husband in your life for? You feel the way you do because he violated your trust. There is no love for you by him left in the relationship. Get to a marriage counsellor and find out if what remains of your marriage is salvageable. Ask your husband to pray that he can become a better husband and not just to pacify the guilt in himself. Your husband is a very selfish man, using religion as a means to con you in with. Good luck to you !!!

Answer 11

You are asking so many questions here that I can't keep tract of exactly what you are asking.

I would defiantly keep an eye on him. No married man hugs and kisses another lady friend.

If you think he is sincere about being faithful, then forgive him and forget it every happened. And go on with your marriage.
But, if he continues this behavior you need to do something about it.