Is this poem worth reading?

Question

As i sit and ponder
My thoughts tend to wander
About deeds of past and years of old
Of stories I've heard And stories I've told
All are so different, Yet oddly the same
Most were joyful some were of shame
When days are dark and hope feels lost
Remember your stories of days of old
Of storeis you've heard and storeis you've told
Those horrid feelings will begin to fade
Through streams of memories you will wade

I wrote this when a close freind of mine committed suicide. At the time i had alot of anger and questions that would never be answered.Threfor horrid is the apporpiate word.There is a line that some how or another got left out.That line is.. When anger rises and your heart grows frost....Also i would never change or refine that poem. It captures my feelings at that time. Although the writing and rhymes maybe juvenile to most, it is how i felt. To change that would be a dishonor to the person i wrote this about and a betryal to feelings i had.

Answer 1

Your poem is great. You should make use of it to bring solace to those who are depressed. Promote it well so that more people in need of it will receive and gain from it.

Answer 2

You have a poetic way of saying things which is rare and can't really be taught. I suggest you spend some time inserting some punctuation to let the reader know where you want him to stop as opposed to where you want him to continue reading without taking a breath. A few spelling errors here and there-- "Stories" Also, rhyming is fine if you want, but poetry snobs are going to want you to be consistent with it at least and you've got a random unrhymed line in line 7. It really has excelllent meaning and depth so I think you could really bring it more into focus if you clean up your form, employ some meter perhaps and even up the number of syllables throughout the poem (for instance, line one is six syllables, and you end up with around ten syllables at the end). Thank you for sharing with me. ;-)

P.S. I always enjoy reading other's works, so please post more, or email me some stuff.

Answer 3

You need to add one more line (line 8) to complete the second quatrain. Perhaps this will be useful to you....."Do what is needed at all cost".
I like the last line ( a metaphor) for I can almost visualize you walking toward a brighter, clearer day.
Your poem should have a title and it is a poem worth reading. Keep writing for you have a talent.

Answer 4

I like it. You should check out Poetry.com, it's an offshoot of writing.com. Explore your talent, and improve upon it. Nothing ever comes easy but you already have a headstart on it. Take this oppurtunity to enhance your skills. :) (BTW, I really thought it was great.) :)

Answer 5

Of course it is.Just the fact that you wrote it makes it worth reading.Always stand in your power.Never let anyone take that from you.I really like your poem,it shows that you are not afraid to be vulnerable..props to you.

Answer 6

yeah, i liked it. :) but there's a problem, i think, with the last part. the fading and wading totally ruined the effect. hope you don't mind my saying.and scratch "horrid feelings" it doesn't sound right. use a different adjective instead.

Answer 7

It's an okay little verse.
By the way, I think you're missing the line that rhymes with "lost".

Answer 8

it all good, a poem doesn't have to be ending with rhyming line ender, just feel free to write, whenever you stop with your pen, that could be an indication to start another line. that's what i do. if you want to read one of my creations, it not that good, try to get back at me...

Answer 9

yup its good but i wrote this try it out

The babies mind

A baby sat in fornt of a mirror
wondering what it was,
who it was that he was seeing
The baby knew no enemy nor a friend
only thing he wanted was to play
Baby saw its own reflection
called himself to play,
started with a signal
then with a shout,
it started beating the mirror,
so innocent was it that it that he
couldnt bare the immitation of itself

Is it due to this innocence that
the babies are so heartwarming to see or
is it due to this innocence that they are helpless.
Innocence is loved by everyone
but it can be unsafe to.
This is the test of life what u want to be
helpless but innocent child or
a grown up whose mind is full of corruption
but can help himself.

Answer 10

I think its a lovely poem, check out my site sometime mandyswritingink.moonfruit.com (its a lil incompleted but has some poem/stories)