I am the wife of a man who plays in a band. We are not young (middle aged) He has cheated on me many many times in our 12 years of marriage, we are not living together at the moment because of this. However, we do just about everything together. Really, nothing has changed except that we have seperate houses. I will never be able to trust him, he has proven that. I know he will never be faithful. The good thing is, he helps me when things need fixing around the house, we go on vacations and he is not selfish with his finances. So, what do I do? As much as I can't stand the fact that I can't trust him at all, I am just as afraid to let him go completely. Why? I guess because I know I can count on him when I really need him. But is this any reason to accept this situation and keep doing what we're doing? Help, someone, please, what would you do if you were me?
2006-11-20 18:06:14 · 42 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If I were you, I would have enough self respect not to tolerate this kind of situation. I wouldn't be able to stay married with someone who's unable to be faithful to me. Once would've been enough but many times? That's a big no-no. You just have to figure out for yourself what's more important to you. Your security or your dignity and happiness? If you choose the latter then you have to do the necessary steps to get out of this situation, even if that means being on your own for a while.
2006-11-20 18:10:24 · answer #1 · answered by jdhs 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you want to know the truth you got to put yourself in his shoes. He's using money to get what he wants from you and from everyone around him. You can't let him win and still try to stay by his side cause you will get hurt that way. What u need to do is move back in with him tell him you will be faithful to him till the end, and that way he doesn't have the option to play with your feelings. He will be forced to choose and give up the addictions for other women and live with you 100% or you need to start a new life without him. But once you guys do move back intogether and if he continues to cheat then you still have to be faithful. If you love him you will make him choose.
2006-11-20 18:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by secretsofthe end 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce. Get alimony and get the cheater out of your life.
You deserve someone that will be true to you and that won't
come home with some disease of the week from the last
idiot he slept with . This guy is a self-centered pig.....marriage is
built on love and loyalty and he isn't showing you either. He is
having his cake and eating it too and you are letting him. You
really need to work on your self-esteem issues, no one deserves
to be treated like this. You still have a lot of life yet, why are you
wasting it on someone who doesn't appreciate you? What are
you teaching your kids by letting this go ???? Go get some
counseling - if you don't have the $ for it , check out the local
public health services and see if there is a group that you can
get help from. But quit wasting your life on this user.
2006-11-20 18:12:46 · answer #3 · answered by Caiman94941 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definately leave him. To me it seems the only reason you are still dealing with his stuff is because you are scared that if you leave you will not have him around to fix things, help you financially, etc. You need to rememer how strong you are. You are a strong woman for dealing with him. You can definately make it without him. It may take a second to adjust to doin it alone..but I know you will figure it out. You deserve better... Remeber that without trust you have nothing. Leave him... you'll feel so much better when you do. I wish you the best!
2006-11-20 19:28:28 · answer #4 · answered by nazzy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him, never look back and keep walking. I would leave his sorry behind. He does not care for you as much as you care for him clearly otherwise he would not be cheating and its not about you its him - his issues. Leave him and cut him out of your life only then will you be able to move on. You will meet other people and realise just how strong you really are and how you capable you are to fix your own things round the house. Don't stay out of convenience - I'm not saying you are. And regarding letting go emotionally its better really than all the lies and cheating.
2006-11-20 18:19:05 · answer #5 · answered by LA 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would keep him as a friend. and start looking for a trustworthy companion.he knows he cheats and maybe for whatever reason he can't stop.but you should not have to suffer. his guilt keeps him there and he probly does love you but sex is at the top of his list and that is not exceptable.so use your back bone and tell him you can be friends nothing more. because if you can't trust him it would never work anyway .find your knight he is out there.you deserve it be brave stand with your head held high.because real love is worth it faith honor and trust. it's worth having. you already know what you must do.hope this helps you confirm you thoughts.
2006-11-20 18:15:35 · answer #6 · answered by kathy c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You answered your own question he takes care of you takes you places and you don't have to worry about it. And he knows you will be there when his GF'S aren't because you depend on him and he has all the CONTROL and you let him have it. I can understand not wanting to give up nice things, but the question you need to ask yourself is, are you not worth more than being the other woman? And at thsi point that is what you are.
Do you not feel like you deserve better in life? Do you not feel like you deserved to be loved and cared for? Not just a conveince to someone who doesn't love you. Ask yourself those questions and see what the answer is you may be suprised.
2006-11-20 18:20:04 · answer #7 · answered by melissa052572 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This husband of yours is probably a nice fellow...........friendly..... plays music and get to meet all kinds of interesting people......... including girls too!
That......is part of his attraction.........and is the reason he is in business........be coz that's his 'bread & butter' sort of personality!
On his cheating............there is little you could do. It has become his second nature.........n a thing he does to keep give himself a life!
I advise you just stay being his good & trusted friend..........n he will reciprocate & give you all that you ask............except you cant ask him not to cheat!
If you both could live & accept with that of good friendly and "I'm always there for you" & "you can always count on me" relationship........then so be it.........be happy .......& dont worry!
We all have to find our footing after marriage..........as we go thru life.......& adapt to growing oldern may be not so wiser sometimes..............with all the stress of living ............( & the temptations of living!)
After all we are just weak humans............and in middle age you should learn to appreciate each other's good points............and may be keep a wink of understanding for our not-so-good habits.
As you said......you are afraid to let him go...........he is probably in similar shoes too.
Live....& let live.......practise more of give & take.........n take life with a big pinch of salt.....
I wish you both stick together for a long time to come........giving each other a shoulder whenever there's a need for it!
2006-11-20 18:19:43 · answer #8 · answered by sandy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are asking should you divorce him or not, the answer is - you are already divorced, it's just the case where spouses remain friends after divorce.
If the question is whether or not should you try to get him back, the answer is definitely - NO! You know you don't need him, he's better as friend than as husband, so just leave it the way it is.
Good Luck
2006-11-20 19:59:57 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A part of you, is blaming yourself. STOP IT!!
There's nothing for you to do about him. Start working on
you! By getting your feet under yourself.
Whatever it takes. Actually sit down, and figure out
what it will take to get YOU going. Divorce doesn't fix everything.
When you get to the point you don't need him for every little thing.
Maybe you will realize, that you can count on you.
You'll feel better, when you can do better. GOOD LUCK
2006-11-20 18:25:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋