We've been together 4 years. 1 baby. He talks of marriage. But I don't like his porn habit. It's so sneaky (while I'm sleeping, showering, away) It's always teens, hot young models. We're both in our 30's. I've gained weight from the preg I'm now 143 lbs. at 5'4" 34 DD. but even when I was in super shape from stripping, it was always young girls on the web. In the time we've been together, we've both gained weight, and he's fatter than me. His porn habit has me feeling angry, hurt, fat, old, ugly. We've talked about it. He says it's an addiction. And I've tried the tit-for-tat game. It doesn't work. He doesn't care what I do online as long as I'm not chatting or on some date site. I can't cancel the internet, because I'm doing online schooling. But I want him to stop. Of course he won't look at porn with me, I've tried. Foreplay has long since been over. I don't even get kissed anymore, except occasional closed mouthed kisses. What do I do?
2006-11-20 17:49:52 · 12 answers · asked by manywarhoops 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I stew on my situation, I'm reminded of when he quit his job, and didn't get another one for about a year. I was working then & paying bills, cleaning house, cooking. He just sat around & did the porn. Now that I'm not working, I'm feeling guilty that I don't want to clean house or cook food because of his web habits.
2006-11-20 18:28:58 · update #1
I've dressed up and initiated sex(slutty outfits etc.) I wear make-up I mean I haven't let myself go entirely. He won't see a religious counselor, and he gets annoyed when I talk about it
2006-11-20 18:32:27 · update #2
Just keep going on
2006-11-20 17:51:47 · answer #1 · answered by your noon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2
2016-07-20 13:00:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
IMHO, a lot of it has to do with general ambivalent attitude of the society as a whole when it comes to sex. Yes, we had our "sexual revolution" and all that, and a lot of things that were considered taboo just a few decades ago are becoming more and more accepted, but it seems to me that there's still a lot of uncertainty re. how we're "supposed" to feel about stuff that has to do with sex. We grow up with a lot of assumptions that are never questioned; this is normal to an extent - we can't question every single thing we see or hear - but because of it, we may hold a lot of irrational beliefs that don't withstand logical examination. You won't be able to understand why women are threatened by porn if you look at it from a logical point of view; you will understand it better if you see it as an emotional response rooted in unquestioned assumptions that have never been challenged. When I was young, I really didn't know how I was "supposed" to feel about porn; I was raised with a vague notion that it was "bad", but it was never explained to me why it was so. It just was. But as soon as I started asking myself "why" it was bad, trying to find logical explanation for it, the myth has gradually fallen apart. I've come to feel that porn in and of itself isn't bad, and it serves a certain purpose; there's a time and a place for it, just like there is a time and a place for everything else. It can be abused and mis-used, sure; but just about everything has the potential to harm you if it's mis-used - even drinking too much water can kill you. Nowadays I don't have a problem with adult entertainment taken in moderation, I gladly partake in it myself when the mood strikes. I don't feel it takes away from my relationship, because the relationship fills an entirely different need than a porn movie or a fantasy.
2016-05-22 04:30:15 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for what you're going through. I would lay down the law... I'm 5'4 145 lbs and I've had two kids. My husband still tells me I am beautiful. I would definately feel very hurt too. It is a hard thing to deal with. You need to express these feelings to him, tell him why it makes you feel uncomfortable. If the two of you don't even share a passionate kiss now and again then you need to re-evaluate the situation. HE needs to man-up and accept the fact that giving your children life has changed your body...If he can't accept that then I'm afraid that you may need to move on. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-11-20 18:04:11 · answer #4 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Will he go with you to counseling? Congrats on your online schooling---sounds like you are on the right path. Unfortunately, if he admits his addiction, he certainly is not. I hope that you can see a counselor or a clergyman soon. Since you two have a child together, it's worth it to try to work out your relationship. Best of luck!
2006-11-20 18:14:54 · answer #5 · answered by ragged 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you're making excuses for him and blaming yourself for his problem. Porn's an addiction; he doesn't care how you feel about it does he? He just doesn't want to get caught. You're deluding yourself. You're raising a child with a man you don't even know if you want to be married to? What's the difference?
2006-11-20 19:16:36 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I understand, I told my hubby I didnt care but he got so bad he wasnt even interested in me anymore it just seemed like too much work for him. I talked to him about it and it got better.
I acted more interested and started getting him excited to be with me more. try it! it may work, I feel getting excited over and over again with your spouse is the most satisfing thing! it feels great to know you still got it!
2006-11-20 18:04:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he has a real problem. Your fooling yourself if you think he can just stop. He needs help and some one to hold him accountable. Pastor, counselor, something.
2006-11-20 17:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by beckaz4 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
lay down the law.. tell him what u want and what u plan to do if he doesn't meet yer needs...my guess is that you are still a fine looking woman.. and 143lbs doesn't sound bad to me...and i like short women... so my guess is that you wont be lonely for long if u leave him and a fine pc of azz like u deserves... needzzz.. to be appreciated....to be touched... desired..wanted...oh sorry got a lil carried away...damn im horny..lol
2006-11-20 17:55:52 · answer #9 · answered by NONAME 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well you can always find a younger guy to replace him
*cough
me
cough cough
well hhmmm time to be serious now,you should just confront him about it and find out if he still wants you,i was distant from my ex because i didn't want her any more but i couldn't bring myself to tell her,so yeah ask him,have a conversation with him and ask him why he does it,maybe threating to leave him may work,i dunno but hey,i hope everything works out,and if they don't,I'll be legal on Dec.6 lol
2006-11-20 17:57:09 · answer #10 · answered by grim_garcia 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋