my best friend and her boyfriend of almost a year keep having arguements and i get put in the middle, both of them complain to me about the other and expect me to side w/them but i dont want to side with either of them... ive gotten to be pretty good friends with the boyfriend too... and they are like the PERFECT couple... other than that anyways lol. how do i not be in the middle but help them both because they also want my advice too... WHAT DO I DO?????
2006-11-20 17:39:46 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
today for example i just got off the phone with my friends bf and i talked to him for like an hr and a half, just talkin bout how they keep fighting and he doesnt know what to do or say to her anymore cuz she takes it the wrong way, and i told him how stressed out she was right now(shes a freshman in college and up til now has had a VERY easy life whereas he has had lots of challenges) but its still unfair to him n stuff like that... like bcuz im such good friends w/ both of them they want to know what i think the other is trying to say, do or is thinking... it sucks but i can't exactly be like hey i dont want to listen to ur problems, cuz thats not the kind of person i am... i like to let people talk about whatever's on their mind... and sometimes they dont both go to me about the problem, like lately i havent been talking to my best friend much because we have both been busy but i talk to her boyfriend until 3 am... i just dont know...
2006-11-20 19:14:27 · update #1
If either of them were 'true' friends, then they wouldn't put you in the middle of their relationship issues. I know it sounds harsh, or cruel, especially if you have been friends with them for as long as it sounds like you have.
You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders by saying that you don't want to side with either of them. It shows what a good friend YOU are to them. Now, is should be up to them to show you the respect you deserve.
If they ask for your advice, let both of them know up front that you don't want to be any part of whatever the fight happens to be over 'this time'. If they are all right with that, then by all means, proceed with your advice giving. If need be, reiterate to them that you don't want to be in the middle of their fight. It's not fair to you; it puts you in a very difficult position.
Nothing but burnt bridges, hurt feelings, and loss of friendship can come with a scenario like this.
Hope it helps and good luck!!
2006-11-20 18:47:06 · answer #1 · answered by stclairvicki 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
set a date with BOTH of them and tell them to stop being childish and cowardly. or set dates with them individually and tell him/her what you feel and what you want him/her to do/change for the better.
you need not be middle man unless you're the obliging kind--even if you are, it's time you took your stand and refuse to help them by telling them firmly you think they are being COWARDS and that telling you does not settle any issues between them. tell them they need to face each other and man up enough to complain to each other so that they can stop being childish and settle their differences.
2006-11-21 01:49:03 · answer #2 · answered by wat_more_can_i_say? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you just stay away from thier arguments and still be a friend to them. just tell them that you are not a part of what thier arguments are.
2006-11-21 01:48:10 · answer #3 · answered by Nangnetz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋