I met a man about a year and a half ago. We dated for awhile, but I realized that he was very clingy and kind of crazy at times. He didn't treat me well AT ALL. Nonetheless, I broke up with him. Two weeks later I learned that I was carrying his child. He put me through the ringer throughout the pregnancy. When I was 6 months I found out that he was 13 years older than he claimed to be. He's also married. He leads a double life and tries to keep our daughter secretive. I haven't filed for child support yet simply because I'm not sure that he should be in her life anyway. I'm afraid of the negative impact he may have on her life. Has anyone been in this situation? What do you think would be best for me to do?
2006-11-20 16:43:29 · 12 answers · asked by Ce Ce 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
She's now 5 months old, and he's seen her maybe 6 times. He acts like he tries...he calls or shows up unexpectedly, but it's usually to pry into my personal life and irritate me. He's done some pretty crappy things, like pulled up in a brand new BMW and gave me $45 dollars for 2 weeks because he "couldn't afford anything else" (we had agreed on paying $50 weekly..that never really happened). I know what it's like to have a "paycheck" or "weekend" daddy, and I can't decipher whether or not it would be better to keep him away.
To the woman that made a snide remark about me, you have no right to judge me. You don't even know me! Don't try and sit on your pedestal acting like you're better than me because you're not.
2006-11-21 18:23:18 · update #1
my neice has a similar situation... her son is 8 yrs old and father still knows nothing about him... there are reasons, good reasons as to why... mothers make tough and hard choices for their children, that is our job, to protect ... YOU have to decide if your child is better off or not without Dad in the picture..... do you have good reason to keep baby from him ?? babys' health at risk ?? etc....... if he does not want to make it known publicly , that he has a child by you, I realy do not see how he can be a good father ?? I suggest you talk to a laywer, to sorta find out what rights your child has... if Dad is married and has other probs. there may be ways to make him pay support, but not be involved in childs life.... God bless
2006-11-20 16:51:45 · answer #1 · answered by Annie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a difficult one - it depends on whether you end up going through the Court system and he is granted access to your daughter. You didn't mention how he is with her... is he a good father? Would you trust him with her (considering his behaviour toward you)? Does he even want o be in her life? I can really empathise with the situation you're in right now, but unfortunately you have no idea of how this will impact your child in years to come - every child has a right to know both of their parents and build relationships accordingly.... then again, you have a duty to keep her safe from any harm. I would consider allowing him access to his daughter on the proviso that you can keep a watchful eye on them at all times....
2006-11-20 16:52:26 · answer #2 · answered by Kble 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think of what is best for you and your daughter. It sounds as if he would be a negative influence on her anyways. If you chose for him not to be in her life, make sure she has the option when she's older (teenage years) to know who her father is so if she wants to make contact, she can. The most important thing is to be honest with your daughter. Good luck :)
2006-11-20 16:52:07 · answer #3 · answered by ~Anna~ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has paternal rights, but you have the right and responsibility to protect your daughter. Give him the oppurtunity to be her father, but set very specific guidelines. If he is not willing to be a father or be a positive influence then ask him to surrender his parental rights. I would think your daughter would rather have a limited relationship with a father who she discovers later in life is a jerk than to spend he whole life wondering who her father is.
2006-11-20 17:04:13 · answer #4 · answered by Carole 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh my, that seems tough sweety....I'm sure you're daughter will need a Father in her life...Either her real father or from the man who you'll end up in the future with...But don't bet that one day when she's all grown up that she'll try to find out her real father is...That's just a risk you'll have to take...
Good Luck.
2006-11-20 16:49:24 · answer #5 · answered by $&$& 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a mess. How can any woman can have sex with someone in such a fashion is beyond me.
However, you did keep your child, which is commendable.
2006-11-20 16:45:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Me personally I wouldn't want him in her life. I think I would wait until she's old enough to make her own decision.
2006-11-20 16:47:16 · answer #7 · answered by uknowme 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ideally, YES.
But... if there is any evidence/indication that it would be harmful to her, then the answer becomes NO.
2006-11-20 16:58:28 · answer #8 · answered by davidcolyer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good luck in winning custody...
the courts pretty much suck when it comes to custody battles...
2006-11-20 17:36:35 · answer #9 · answered by Flaming broomstix! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
get on your knees and pray!
2006-11-20 16:56:09 · answer #10 · answered by Tosha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋