I'm 21 and I have just come out of a 5 year relationship with my boyfriend. I haven't been with anyone else besides him..I lost my virginity to him. Its been nearly 4 months since we've broken up.
It was a mutual break-off.
I was out a couple of weekends ago and I saw my ex-boyfriend with another girl..it KILLED me to see him holding her hands, laughing with her.. (he didn't see me)..I ran off and cried driving home..I know I sound like a COMPLETE LOSER and that I should just get over it..
I went out with a guy (with other friends) last night.. and it felt so damn weird/awkward without my ex-boyfriend there. And when he drove me home and kissed me..I kinda cut the kiss short and said 'thanks bye' and got out the car.
I know you're all thinking 'just get over it'..but its hard. It feels all too weird to be kissing someone else..My friends aren't any help..
Is it too soon to be dating someone else?
Please give me your advice/thoughts.
2006-11-20 16:30:44 · 14 answers · asked by rHiaNna`` 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
well...i wont say get over it by any means, i have been married for five years now and cant imagine life without my husband so i am sure you are feeling alot of pain. take your time. eventually you will be able to look back and learn from your relationship. don't start dating yet because your friends think you should. that's what i think is nuts, not your feelings about it. i know that later on you will be able to learn from this relationship and come away with it a stronger more independent woman (i hope) and learn a bit more about the type of man you want to be with. you are still young believe it or not and have alot to learn about yourself too. take your time...you will get over it eventually!!! you should do more things for yourself now that you weren't able to before since i am sure you were having to put some things on hold or aside because you wanted to go out with your boyfriend or something like that.
2006-11-20 16:37:29 · answer #1 · answered by Jessy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to be gentle to yourself, give it more time. You'll be ready, but now may not be it. Four months go quickly. He was your first love and for five years. That must have felt nearly like a lifetime with him. It's no wonder you reacted the way you did. Sure it hurts. It's understandable. You are NOT a loser, so don't label yourself. Just allow the grief to make it's way through without giving it so much judgement. If you stop fighting it, it will pass. You'll move on when you're ready. NOBODY can tell you when that is. Be gentle to yourself!
2006-11-20 16:52:58 · answer #2 · answered by sweeta : 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take some time off, re-establish old friendships, make some new friends, spend some time spoiling yourself, doing things you like to do. Take up a new hobby or volunteer for some worthwhile charity or public service organization. Like Habitat for Humanity, something like that. You started in a long-term committed relationship at age 16, kind of young just in my opinion but you need to have some fun now. Go out with girlfriends, just don't get wrapped up with someone just yet. Got to learn to be on your own and get along before you jump back into something serious.
2006-11-20 16:36:46 · answer #3 · answered by Rich B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need closure. If I were you, I would just rid myself of all the things I have of him. Seeing pictures or movie stubs, w/e it is you may have laying around your house will only make you think of him when you see these things. You'll always have the memory of him so no need to keep thing around.
Secondly, you need to keep yourself occupied. Go out with your girlfriends, take up a new hobby. Date other men,anything you can do to not think of him. It's going to be weird at first going out with other guys because you probably look at them wishing it was your ex and since it's not, you automatically close the door on them before they even reach for the handle. Your ex may've been a huge part of your life, but he's your ex for a reason, just remember that.
2006-11-20 16:36:13 · answer #4 · answered by sweetsistah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good news and bad news, I'm afraid. It will be difficult for a lot longer yet but you will get over it in time. You can date but nothing serious. Go out and have fun and one day you will realise that you haven't given your ex a second thought all night. However, because he was your first and you were so young and it went on so long, in some sense he will always be with you, and you with him.
2006-11-20 16:41:12 · answer #5 · answered by Bethany 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I know how hurt you must be. I am not going to tell you to get over it. It is easier said than done. but in time it will get easier. you will probably meet someone that will sweep you off your feet. I sure hope so. I am so sorry for you. Just ask the Lord to take the pain away. and to give you inner piece. Good luck sweety. I wish i could take the pain away for you. But we have to let that up to time and the Lord. Hugs and kisses. Hope you find the piece you are looking for.
2006-11-20 16:38:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG wow, I understand what you're feeling!
Just spend sometime by yourself for awhile, cry out your feelings, find ways to remind yourself of WHY yall broke it off. It had to be a big enough reason or you guys would still be together right?
Remind yourself of him being with another girl. No matter how much it hurts, it will remind you that he has moved on and you need to do the same.
When you DO decide to date other guys, just enjoy them for them. Let them know up front that you're not looking for anything and..eventually you might fall for someone else.
2006-11-20 16:36:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like it's too soon for you. Why not get busy doing other things, like new hobbies or classes or travel or something. You're not in any shape to be dating right now, so focus on building yourself and your life for a while. There's no rush to get out there. You're young and after 5 years, can focus on knowing who you are as a young adult.
2006-11-20 16:39:00 · answer #8 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you sound "weird" at all. It is going to take time getting over him. May I suggest saving sex for marraige in the future? Sex is a bonding act, and he just basically used your body to make himself feel good, and now he is holding some other girl's hand. And you feel miserable. Take time to get your head on straight and your priorities sorted out.
2006-11-20 16:34:44 · answer #9 · answered by The Nag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
5 yrs is a long time everyone goes through this you get used to having someone around. remember you are a woman and he is a man. we both deal differently. he is rebounding with someone he doesnt really care about it makes him feel better more like a man.
You are just wanting to dwell on it, there is nothing wrong with that. let yourself feel IT! also talking to someone else a friend makes me always feel better when I vent it helps me get over it. just give it time it will be better soon.
dont date if it makes you feel uncomfortable!
2006-11-20 16:35:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋