I stated in one other question I posted and I promise this will be the last, but I am tormented. I have been married for 23 yr. Only having ever dated hubby since high school. Didn't even sleep w/him til I married him! Imagine that. I have always been verbally abused. Sometimes terribly. He used to hit, shove, slap and grab by the throat. I got that stopped finally about a year ago. But I cannot get what I feel to be abuse-verbal-stopped. Sometimes, its more in the tone than in what is said.have Tried doing the reverse pschy thing and when I do that then I am s**t stirring according to him when he gets it back. Tried writing him emails at work where he was away from me to read hoping that would work, asked for unspoken prayer requests at church, you name it I have done it to try to get it stopped. I am a kind hearted person, I believe. Now the physical, I don't mean to imply that was an every day occurence. It wasn't. some good years, but the damage is done emotionally....
2006-11-20 15:36:53 · 11 answers · asked by cindybd 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The short answer is Yes, He can change his verbal ways,
But if it was a easy fix you would have done it already.
First he has to want to change his ways, Several things must happen before that happens, He has to know it is not normal, He has to accept you as a equal and He has to realize that your a single unit in marriage. One way to tell is if he refers to where you live as My house, or our home.
Next it will take a long time to break a habit of a life time,
Professional counseling will have to happen, Conflict management courses and the such.
Also, one of the hardest things for a Man to let go of is the image of what a Man's Man is. This is generally learned in childhood and should end with maturity. Maybe he never learned the difference between the lord of the castle, and how a real man supports his family to the best of his ability. Which includes YOU.
Good luck in all things, Hang in there, it can get better.
2006-11-20 16:45:00 · answer #1 · answered by Cleve T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
And you're still there, is the interesting part. You must have the self-esteem of a snake's belly in a wheel rut. God, babe, I'd have been outa there in a flash.
But that isn't what you asked. Will verbal abuse ever end? Of course not..... what ARE you thinking??? You have stayed with this jerk for 23 years. Why should he stop? You're still there!He has no reason to change. You wouldn't even be able to get this guy into counseling, because you have never left. Wow, hon, where DO you live? Geez, no guy is worth that, at least not to me. (I went with a guy for over a year in college who slapped me...... my affection burst like a balloon.... It was ooovvvvveeeerrrr. like immediately .) There are just tooooo many nice men to put up with some dude who would physicially hurt me.
Marriage is: Admiration Respect, Passion and Trust. How many of those do you still have for him? You haven't got a marriage: He has a bed partner, and you have a roommate who is abusive. Where's the love, hon?
2006-11-20 16:37:10 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you stay with an abuser? Verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical. In some ways it is worse since no one really sees what is going on. I got out of a bad marriage like yours and now I have been married for over 25 years to a wonderful man. My ex sounds just like your husband. Life is too short to not be happy. I know it is a hard step to take but for your well being you need to take a good hard look at your life and make some decisions. You say you attend church, your pastor is a wonderful source of help and comfort.
2006-11-20 15:44:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The abuse will never stop until YOU stop it. Your a tender hearted person because he's stomped all over it for so many years. I would say end it. If it truly has been going on this long and there was even just one time of physical abuse and you're as tormented as you say, then the relationship was never good in the first place. Get strong and get out before there is more wasted than just your time.
2006-11-20 15:44:58 · answer #4 · answered by jvcaac 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get out of this relationship if hes been like this for a long time he is not going to change his ways alot of women that stay behind with an abusive man end up in hospital in the end or six feet under sorry to be so blunt but its the truth. You need to get out now stay with a friend and file for divorce you have been tormented and abused long enough stand up for yourself. If he wants you to be thicker skinned show him just that leave the bastard and find a guy who will treat you like a lady. God Bless and Good Luck
2006-11-20 15:56:49 · answer #5 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being in a bad relationship is like being addicted to drugs ... you fiend for it and you get addicted to it.
There's no reason to stay in this marriage other than you have gotten so use to being abused either verbally or physically that you don't even know what's normal any more...
The bible instructs us to flee temptations --- that should also include abusive relationships because neither one is honoring or of any use to God.... and you can't be of much service to God if you're beaten down by your spouse.
Flee the abuse and seek counseling(ask him to get counseling also) - then once you get yourself together then you can be of service to the body of Christ instead of being a constant victim who's not contributing to the building up of the Lord's kingdom by being in the abusive relationship.
2006-11-20 16:05:22 · answer #6 · answered by jaimestar64cross 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Verbal abruse is like a cutting sword and a slap across the face ! ! ! ! I"m not telling you to leave your husband but if you got him to stop physically abrusing you then you will have to use that same tactic to stop him from verbal abruse. What is wrong with your husband? ? Sounds like he needs some help ! ! ! !
2006-11-20 17:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by Neetaa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband became into emotionally & verbaly abusive to myself & the youngsters. while that now no longer phased me he became phyicaly abusive. I left till now the toddlers have been sufficiently previous to relize what became into occurring. Now that we are divorced I see him greater needless to say. Hes no longer incredibly a bad man or woman, only insacure & perplexed. He now attends a community church, stable for him. all of us contained in the congragation says he has "replaced" plenty. while i seem at him I see the comparable monster. when I confer with him, he nevertheless tries to place me in my place. basically now he does it with so observed as "faith". that's no longer for me to assert wether or no longer he has stumbled on God. yet i'm able to assert, that he continues to be the comparable guy he constantly became into. He only stumbled on a diverse venue. He does not have faith that he's abusive and therfore will in no way replace. There are diverse tiers. Yelling now and returned when you consider which you're human & can practice emotion is only portion of existence. Telling somebody that they are valueless & constantly would be on a universal foundation isn't precise.
2016-10-04 04:53:24 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
youve put up with it much too long. If youre that bad a person be that bad with someone else or alone....why endure it anymore? Good luck moving on :))
2006-11-20 15:42:55 · answer #9 · answered by Johnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
23 years and you're STILL hoping he'll change? Come on, wake up honey. They NEVER change.
2006-11-20 16:19:09 · answer #10 · answered by Ade 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋