He has been unfaithful and has very loose boundaries. He also drinks a lot. I love him very much and I want to help him and understand him but it has taken a huge toll on me. I need support to keep myself strong. He is my best friend and I can't cut him loose. He can't look after himself at all. He goes to counselling now and is making good progress. Has anyone else tried to live with an abuse survivor? I would like to know I am not alone and I would love to hear your stories.
2006-11-20 14:33:50 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Honey, you cannot fix him. I know as women we want to fix everyone, it's just how we're wired. If he's being unfaithful to you, he is putting you at risk of std's, some of which are fatal and incurable. I know he's been through a lot, I've been there myself. But HE is the only one who can fix himself. Counselling is a good step, but he has a long road to go. I know, I've been down it myself, and am on the other side now. It will never fully go away for him, but he has to learn to take it day by day, and control his demons, rather than letting them control him. Sadly, YOU cannot do anything to help except for being a friend. I urge you to drop your status from girlfriend down to friend for your own health and safety.
2006-11-20 14:46:11 · answer #1 · answered by shojo 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First and foremost, you use present tense in the morals sections of your statement which implies to me that he is still unfaithful, drinking, and whatever else a person can do morally wrong.
You need counseling to stop being an enabler.
He doesn't need a mother (YOU) to "Look after him". He has to grow up and learn to accept responsibility for his own actions and stop blaming everyone and everything for his screw-ups!
You are not alone in the sense that others have been in this situation but you will find yourself alone if you don't set boundaries to elevate yourself out of this situation.
2006-11-20 22:41:20 · answer #2 · answered by Miss Texas 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have not been but have heard a lot of story about this sick stuff
thees pop ole should be caster rated from the Frist time then a lot of this would stop if it was minatory that this happen from the start then ever one would look at it more serious but if you love some one so much it hurts let them go if its causing you pain to be with them if you love some one set them free if its meant to be thy will come back and most of all it takes three in a relationship
god Frist good bless good luck
2006-11-20 23:22:13 · answer #3 · answered by runninglate 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's a shame that he uses his previous abuse as an excuse to disrespect you and your marriage, and even a bigger shame that you believe it.
Lots of people have endured childhood trauma and have survived it. It's not an excuse for bad behavior as an adult. We are all responsible for our own actions.
2006-11-20 22:50:14 · answer #4 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you should look for a support group you can join togehter or spouses of abuse victims.
2006-11-20 22:38:01 · answer #5 · answered by lisa m 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋